First off, fine folks of EC, I have been lying to you via the medium of my "Out Status" bar. In a fit of exuberance, it reads "O-U-T out. Uh huh." Naturally, one would assume this means I had told everyone possible. That I had sent a world-wide text message (if you haven't got yours yet, just wait a bit. It'll come along) letting everyone know the exact status of my orientation. But no, I'm afraid this is a sad fiction. This is the true story. I'd done everything else. Close friends, distant friends, people I had no idea knew and my parents without anything much of a hitch. But of course, as is the way of things, some people slipped through the net. Specifically a set of old friends that I hadn't spoken to in years and years. As I recall, I last had any sort of conversation with them at the age of 15. I decided that I wasn't going to announce it. After all, how does one announce such a thing? "Hey Mark, how're you?" "Oh, I'm gay. I mean, great! I'm great. But in all seriousness, I'm also homosexual." There didn't seem a point to that, because frankly, the evening was about meeting up and catching up. I didn't want to make it about me, or my orientation (which is something I see as incidental), however, fortune dealt me a fickle hand. As conversation goes often goes between straight men, we eventually turned to women. I'm fine with conversation about women; I tend to favour non-commital statements, or even true ones. After all, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't say "Oh, she has very nice eyes" right? However, this topic eventually came to a point at which everything changed. I was directly asked if I was "interested" in a particular woman. In my mind, I began to formulate an answer, somewhere along the lines of "Phwoar" (general expression of approval/arousal) and I caught myself. I was utterly furious. Not with them, they didn't know and thus were blameless. I was angry with myself, for letting myself start to tell lies again. After years and years of concealment, angst, doubt and so on, I was supposed to be out. I was supposed to be O-U-T out (uh huh). Why on earth was I stuffing myself back in the closet? I came out. And I did it with style. Making the most flamboyant gesture of my hand I could muster, camping up my voice about three Nortons I said "Oh, goodness, I have no interest in women!" Conversation carried on uninterrupted by my outburst... ...Until later on in the evening, where one of my friends turned to me and asked "Look, I've got to ask. Because what you said earlier...you are gay, right?" I replied in the affirmative and we continued with the usual questions of "How long have you known" and so on. I must say, since it's been ages since my last coming out, it felt rather refreshing, and nostalgia tinged. I should do it more. So, long story short; I wasn't out to a set of old friends, and now I am. Hurrah for me.
As Dr Spock might have said -- -- -- Curious expression, "Phwoar" (general expression of approval/arousal). It is not something I've heard before. Is it pronounced phonetically just as its spelled? Is it a localized vernacular or am I way out in the hinterlands?
Loved the story, tho. It is so nice catching yourself about to play the same old deceptive tapes in certain social settings. Congrats.
Localised indeed! As far as I realise, it's a phrase that's totally confined to the UK and it hasn't quite yet skipped across the pond. Who knows, it might do one day? If you're interested in trying to spread it round there, it is pronounced phonetically as: "F-woar" with extra stress on the first of the two sylables. Go on, give it a go.
