Out to the Parents

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted. I've been awfully busy preparing for college and such, but I did spend some time coming out to some people.

For those with short attention spans, an abbreviated version appears at the end of this post. :icon_bigg

So far over the summer I've come out to several friends, one of whom is also gay; I also came out to my roommate, who in turn came out to me, as some of you may remember from a previous thread I started. And finally came the event I had been dreading for two years: coming out to my immediate family.

I wanted to do it shortly before I left for college; that way, I would be home long enough to not be accused of dropping a bomb and running, but I would not have to be home long enough to endure major awkwardness/conflict if things went sour. The story starts on Monday of this week.

I knew I had to come out to my sister before I told my parents. She's 26, divorced, and my only sibling. I had wanted to come out to her in person the previous Wednesday when she was at our house cleaning, but I was unable to make myself do it. I couldn't do it the next time I saw her either, so I decided it would have to be by text message.

I initiated the conversation with something about helping me move into the dorm. Then I dropped the bomb. She was immediately supportive and pledged her help with our parents.

For the rest of the evening, I was majorly stressed and was venting via text to my sister and my friend (the gay one) whom I text every day. I planned on telling them right after they finished watching their tape of that day's episode of The Young and the Restless, but I couldn't do it. I waited and waited until 10 o'clock, right before my mother went to bed. I sat her down in the living room where my father was watching television and told them I had something to tell them. After a few breaths, I told them I was gay.

There was a stunned silence. My father, normally a very short-tempered man, was oddly calm and just said "You are what you are." My mother, on the other hand, went batshit crazy. She's a hysterical woman by nature, but I hadn't expected her reaction to be quite this severe. She started crying uncontrollably and repeatedly exclaimed variants of "I want to die!" and "I'm going to be sick!" She claimed she had to get out of the house and went for her purse and keys. Because she was in her nightgown and hysterical, my father and I prevented her from leaving several times. Eventually she left the house on foot and started heading for the road. My father went after her while I called my sister to update her.

We got her back into the house as she continued to cry and list the reasons why she now had nothing to live for: I was leaving for college, her mother's health was declining, my sister was unemployed, she was starting menopause, and now this. Eventually, we all moved to their bedroom. I answered some of the basic questions they had (separately). After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, I went back to my room, leaving them to go to bed.

After that I texted one of my friends to tell her what happened, and we talked for a while. I changed my Facebook and MySpace to reflect my new out-ness, at which point Facebook began to display ads for chatting with local gay singles. (Thanks but no thanks, Facebook.)

Tuesday, I spent most of the day alone at home, as both of my parents work during the daytime. Once my mother came home, I mostly stayed in my room. I did venture in to greet her while she was watching her tape of the day's Guiding Light. She didn't say much to me; she was still rather weepy. Later that evening, when I went to ask her a question about something minor, she hit me with a below-the-belt shot.

She asked me if I had "put [my] news" on my social networking sites, because I "don't need to advertise this." I asked her why it was so important, and she answered with a piece of stellar logic as only she can do. According to her, my cousin uses them, and apparently it "will kill [my] grandmother if she finds out. It will literally kill her." Angry, I left the room without saying anything. My cousin does use MySpace, so I did change that back, although I doubt she would ever have seen it anyway. My Facebook still lists me as "fancying mates" (my Facebook uses the Pirate English setting, naturally).

It's now very early Wednesday morning. I'm leaving in about twelve hours. My parents, my sister, and I will be going to a hotel outside Philadelphia for the evening so that we will be able to be at my college early enough Thursday morning. We were planning on having a nice family dinner in the evening, but whatever we do is going to be majorly awkward because of my mother. We're all sharing one room, so once we're there I'm stuck with her until Thursday evening.

Coming Out Story (Lite!): I came out to more friends over the summer and recently came out to my sister and parents. Sister and Dad were fine, but Mom went batshit crazy, with lots of crying and statements about wanting to die. We're leaving for Philadelphia tomorrow to get me moved in at college, and it's going to be awkward. Oh, and I'm out on Facebook and was out on MySpace for about 20 hours.