Hi! *waves enthusiastically* Umm, this is my first topic post...Pity its such an awkward subject to post about ... Okay, I am Bisexual to the point of being a lesbian. My Mum knows that I'm Bi, but not that its to the point of lesbian. I'm thinking about coming out to my family, but at the moment, the only way I can think of is writing a letter to my Mum, Dad and brother, then staying at a friends place for a few days to let them calm down. Its a rather long, sad story. Parts of it, I wish had never happened. I've kinda always had an inkling that I wasn't on the "straight and narrow" side of life. So, when we moved house when I was around ten, I didn't really notice or care that these feelings intensified. When I was around 12, I knew for certain that I wasn't really heaps keen on guys, but I didn't go shouting about it. Living in a country town, its fairly close-minded. Then I started high school, and got really confused (remember, I'm from australia, straight from primary to high school). There were guys everywhere, and girls too. I had a major crush on a guy for a while, and got over it, and then, stupidly:bang: fell in love with my best friend. I didn't tell her until this year that I liked her back then. Luckily she's a gorgeous girl and didn't care at all. This is the bit I really don't want to remember, but I have to say it anyway for this to make any kind of sense. I met a guy through a friend, and we got along pretty well. About a month and a half later we started going out. And it was really good! He was kind and sweet and he made me feel really good about myself. And then it got weird. He would start calling me when he was drunk, saying he was sorry and that it was all his fault (and he hadn't done anything) I helped him get home and sober up. Then it got even weirder, he stopped trusting me, and got all paranoid and moody and he wouldn't take no for an answer. He went out to parties without me all the time, and when I got invited to one and he didn't, he cracked the shits at me. :dry: This was, I might mention, a sexual relationship, and my first one at that. We had a big fight, and he said some horrible things which I don't want to go into, but I was really afraid of him touching me, and I wouldn't let him, though I agreed to give him another chance. But he couldn't keep his hands off me, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, and a few times, I just let him, I was too scared and tired to force him to stop, and i felt awful afterwards, really dirty and disgusting, like it was my fault. And the bad part is, I can't report him, because its not rape, because I didn't say no, even though I really really wanted to say no :tears: So In the end, about a month and a half ago, I dumped him, and Since then, I have had a part time stalker who won't leave me alone. I finally convinced him to get lost, but now I am totally and utterly put off by men, I couldn't stand the idea of another one touching me like that. Which is why I think I should come clean to my family about it. The only problem is, my brother is so homophobic he'd probably punch me in the face, and my dad would probably disown me. Mum's much better about it, but I still don't think she likes it that much, and she's the only one who knows so far. So, My plan is, thus far. Organise with a friend to stay at their house Friday night, Saturday, Sunday. Write a letter to my family, explaining what I need to. Leave the letter at home when I go to school on Friday morning. Stay over the weekend at my friends house. Come home Monday after school when they're calm. Now I just have to get the courage to do that. :help:
You definitely needed to get him out of your life. I'm glad you did. I still think you should report him for rape or sexual assault. If you said no JUST ONE time, he raped you. You say he wouldn't take no for an answer, which implies that you DID tell him no on occasions. If this is the case, his ass should be jailed. A problem with this is lack of evidence, and of course it's your life, but it's serious. NO ONE deserves to be treated that way by a guy. NO ONE deserves to feel disgusting after sex. It really sounds like he treated you like shit and if you're smart you will never have anything to do with him again. I don't blame you for not wanting men to touch you. As far as coming out to your parents as lesbian, I don't know if it's such a good idea right now. It seems like you're dealing with a great lot of emotional trauma from this relationship and the possible backfirings from your brother and father will probably not help. I'd personally wait until I dealt with the anguish from the guy before I tackled coming out to my homophobic family, but you need to do what feels right to you. I do want you to consider this though: is your family homophobic enough to tell you get out? If you have any doubts about them letting you stay there, I'd put off coming out due to your stalker. Stalkers can turn violent and you're especially vulnerable without a home. I truly hope this isn't the case for you and that you have a more accepting family, but I wanted to address the issue. Hope I've helped, and if you ever need anything, feel free to PM me!
Hi, welcome to EC...I'm sorry you had to go through everything you did. Sounds like a tough time. I don't want to question your decision on coming out to your family as lesbian...I think its great. But in my opinion it seems that this one guy has put you totally off guys. Are you positive that this one guy isn't the reason your thinking your into girls only? All guys aren't like that. The guy you were with seems like he was a complete jerk. You sound like you have a good plan for just in case. But maybe you should take some time to really figure out if your still attracted to guys at all. This is all my opinion though, if your for sure that you know exactly what you want I say Good Luck! Hope all works out.
See the thing is.. I can look at a guy, and think he's good looking, and appreciate that he's a fantastic guy, but I've known for years that I'm not really heaps into guys, and this just really proved it for me. I've had one other bf and that didn't work out either (but that's another story). and I LOVE girls. I hang out with guys and get called a slut (despite not sleeping with any of them) but I LOVE my friends who are girls. If just one of them told me they were gay or Bi I would be in absolute heaven. I've been thinking for 5 odd years whether or not I like guys, and this one particular guy has just really made me...afraid...i think that's the word...
It was rape, you were inferior to him and you only did what you could do. There are adverts on TV "Violence against women, Australia says no" going around at the moment and there is a number to call. 1800 200 526 It is a confidential help line, if you are ever in serious danger call 000. I can totally relate to how you are feeling, the same happened to me! I had a few really bad relationships with girls and I don't wanna take over you're thread so I won't go on about what happened but those girls turned me off girls all together and it helped me realize what I am. So they did one good thing. However I'm back to liking girls alot now. (took me a while)
There's not much point in reporting him though, because my family doesn't know, and I'm fairly sure they wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't believe me if I was telling myself. I didn't at first anyway. But thank you for your advice and support. I really appreciate it.
Ring the hotline anyway, they record every call. And if he abuses another person then that person rings the hotline and theres 2 reports against him, he will most probably get put in jail. And it's true because I know how these things work (I do child abuse and neglect calls)
No. Way. I live out of town with no pay phone or mobile, and my parents check the phone bill. STOOGES. :bang:
First of all, I congratulate you on leaving the guy and convincing him to stay away from you. I agree with c_jayo6, don't let one jerk ruin men for you, but in the end it's your decision and your life to live. I think Tom!'s advice is a good idea, if there's anyway that you can get to call that hotline, leave a report on his actions, that way if someone calls to report him, there would be 2 reports against him. As for coming out to your family, well I can say that you have a good idea to let them know throw the letter so they have time to calm down over the weekend, but since you say your mom is the only one that could understand you, do you think she'll let your dad and bro read the letter? If that's what you want, then leave it, but if not, you have to tell your mom.
I think my Mum would let my dad and brother read it, because she's pretty understanding about most things. I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about my dad and brother, who are quite possibly some of the most homophobic people I know..
No I definitely want them to know. I've known I'm gay for a lonnng time, and I'm sick of keeping it a secret.
Well then, I think that you have the best approach, I would reccomend that you ask you mum to talk to them after they read it and try to convince them that you are still family and nothing has changed that. BTW, I like your sig, it made me laugh :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: , but it's very true.
Mmm, thank you. I will do that. I'm still trying to work out the kinks of the plan, like what I'm actually going to say in this letter, and who I'm going to stay with, and when I'm going to do it, but I know I will. (My brother plays football and constantly calls dancers gay. It annoys me a lot.)
