I guess it all stated when I was in the sixth grade. I used to notice things about my male teacher that I really never noticed about other girls. I am not sure if I thought he was cute, but I know I noticed things that other girls noticed. I never really thought anything of it because I didn't really know about being gay or what it meant. By the time I got into seventh grade I started to notice the other guys in the locker room after gym class. I still don't think that I knew what gay was, but knew that I couldn't really look at the other guys or fear that someone would catch me. When I was 14 I got my first job at an amusement park and a lot of the guys that worked there were gay and I guess this was the first time that I could put a label on what I was feeling. I started to notice guys more and more, but the more I noticed guys the more I tried to deny the feelings. I remember one time that I went over to one of my friends house after school he wanted to show me something before his parents got home. We went to his computer and he started pulling up these straight porn sites and he would talk about how hot the girls were and I honestly didn't even see what the girls looked like, because I was more interested in the guys. After that experience at my friends house I decided to do some "research" myself. The more I visited these sites the more I realized that I wasn't like all of the other guys. The more I realized this the more I forced myself to suppress these feelings. One day I got a phone call from my mom asking me about some pictures she found on the computer and asked if I were gay. This scared me more than anything, and I frantically denied any allegation. A couple weeks later we were picking my sister up from work and while waiting in the car she asked me again. She was saying that she was worried about me and that it would be okay if I were. Again I denied it. My sister for some reason has always thought that I was gay and would make little jokes about it and still does. It doesn't really bother me, and I don't really acknowledge the jokes, but I occasionally laugh at them. One way that I suppressed all of my feelings was to start dating one of my very good friends. I felt that this would be the solution to everything, and for a long time it was. We have been together for almost six years and I asked her to marry me about 3 years ago. This past summer I found out that an employee of mine was attracted to me. I knew that he was bisexual and for some reason all of the feelings that I have suppressed for the past ten years suddenly all came to the surface. I spent the next week thinking about all of this and was suffering from sever anxiety because I didn't know how to deal with all of the emotions. I knew what I had to do, but didn't think that I was ready to. The first person that I came out to was myself. I was sitting in my car on my way to work and looked in the mirror and admitted to myself what I was denying all of those years. I said it, "I am gay". I felt this weight being lifted off of my shoulders and I finally felt like I knew who I was. A couple days later, about a month before my 23rd birthday, I decided I was going to come out to my girlfriend. But I decided that I wasn't going to come out gay, but I was going to tell her that I am bi. She could tell I wanted to tell her something, and I finally told her. She said that she had figured as much, and said that she was ok with it, but she really hasn't been. We are still together only because I am not in the right position in my life to break things off yet. I am graduating from college next spring and can not financially afford to leave her. I also know that she couldn't survive it either. Over the next two days I came out, as bi, to my two best friends. One of them actually came out to me two years earlier so I knew he would be very supportive. He and my other friend have both been amazingly supportive of me. My gay friend asked me if I thought I was "all out gay", and I told him that I wasn't sure. He doesn't believe in being bi, and think that it is just a stepping point to coming out. My other friend has been the biggest help with dealing with my current relationship. She has talked to me about a lot, which has been immensely helpful. Right now I am planning on coming out, gay, after the first of the year. This means having a serious talk with my girlfriend, and just telling her that I love her and that I want to be friends, but I am gay. She asked me once how I know I was bi and all I could say is I just know. I mean how do you know that your straight. I am not that afraid about coming out to my mom or my sister, but am petrified of what my dad might think. Other than that I really don't care because I know that the relatives that I am close to would accept me and if the other ones don't then that is just their loss. I am still the same person I was before, I just know what I want in life and am a happier me for it. I couldn't be happy until I was happy with myself, and can honestly say that I can't remember the last time I was this happy. Four of my best friends know how I fell and they couldn't have accepted me more. The best piece of advice I received about coming out was to come out on my own terms and be careful who I tell if I'm not ready to be completely out. Just do it one person at a time and it will all be ok.
First of all... welcome to EC! (!) Now then, it sounds like you have things well in hand for coming out. I think you'll find that your hardest coming-out is actually going to be your girlfriend, not your mom or sister (can't really say about your dad because we haven't heard anything about him yet). I was in a similar position when I cemented my own sexuality. I had been with the same girl for three years by that time, and I had even proposed/gotten engaged a few months before. Yeah, she'll be a bit weepy and probably a bit angry or distant for a while, but you'll be giving her the thing she needs the most: a new start. My ex-girlfriend found out after we watched The Object of My Affection (has several gay characters, and I said that I was like one of them until she got the meaning), and from there it was actually a pretty amicable split before she ended up in two relationships. The second one stuck and she's now married to him and has two kids with a third on the way. Imagine if I had tethered her to me longer. She might have missed that! Otherwise, I really think that your family will probably be just fine with the news. Your mother sounded very supportive the times she brought it up, even if it was sort of a confrontation that scared you away from telling her. Generally, siblings tend not to really care from what I've seen as a trend in stories here, so I wouldn't worry too much about your sister either. I can't really say anything yay or nay about your father's acceptance, but if he's at all like my dad he might surprise you. I told my parents at the same time and it turned out that my dad was the gentle one who assured me I was still loved while my mom was the emotional wreck that immediately locked into denial/anger/confusion (she got past that a few days later at least). So all I can really say is you'll have to give him a fair chance to respond without simply assuming you know. Heck, my dad knew a guy through work who had a gay son as well, so he had been able to sort of prepare for this because he suspected me beforehand. You never really know how people will react without knowing their full exposure to LGBT stuff. Anyway.... I ramble a lot, lol. Welcome to EC. Keep us updated on how things are going. :icon_bigg
As above ^^^ welcome to EC!!!!! Well first of all when you were 14 in this message the same kinda things happened to me, i was 'cornered' into watching some straight pornogrpahy. But that then led to me investigating gay sites..... luckily i deleted the history and used an in private browser, so i was prepared but yeah i know how you feel up to the point of your marriage :L good luck in the whole all over coming out
your friend is misinformed and just plain wrong. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure We exist. I can tell you without doubt that i'm into women AND men.
Just to say bravo for finally accepting it. I appreciate it will be hard to tell your girlfriend that you're gay, especially since you've been together for ages. One thing I must advise (and you've probably thought of this anyway) is not to make it sound like she's turned you gay. Girls automatically think that - if a guy they've been seeing comes out as gay they immediately think "did i turn you gay?" But I still commend you for your bravery.
