Just a bit of a foreword - I'm sort of skeptical as to posting here, most likely just general insecurities and the fact that I really haven't accepted myself for what I am yet, at least not completely. Either way, thanks in advance for any advice that people around here give, it seriously is appreciated. Anyway, accepting my sexuality has only pretty much surfaced recently, recently being about 9 months ago. I've known there was something different about me from many moons ago probably dating back to when I was about 10, but I was young, naive, and I always got told that the term "gay" meant happy by most of my family(This obviously changed as I moved up into high school) So yeah. Go figure, I guess. I guess I pretty much had a self-revelation a few months ago, I remember last year I would submerge myself in complete denial and give myself excuses like I was sick or just going through a phase, or being bi-curious. The problem was, the way I felt about certain people stayed and didn't cease, and that only made it even worse because I knew the underlying truth and had to find even more excuses just to keep myself slightly out of the depressive stages that I was in during that time. Alas though, eventually I accepted myself for who I am, and hearing or seeing the word "gay" didn't throw a whole net of butterflies into my stomach - at least not as much. So anyway, I figured I felt it was time to make a step in coming out to someone. I started to feel lonely and secluded(even though I have many friends who are there), and I had only just realized that the particular person I was telling(Who was my best mate), actually had another gay friend that she knew from another area, which cleared any worries that she might have been homophobic or anything else of the like. So how did I tell her? It probably seems pretty pathetic and juvenile and also particuarly cowardly(seeming I didn't have the initiative to tell her in real life), but I told her over MSN, when we were playing what she called the "Akward question game". But yeah, the convo pretty much went like this. Her: "Your turn." Me: "Okay, if I walked up to you one day and announced I was bi, what would you do?" Her: "I would ask you 'really?!' and then jump around excitedly. are you? (not my turn question)" Me: "Could Be." I really couldn't tell her that I was actually gay, because she was one of my girlfriends the year before and I thought that it would upset her. Along with that, I got the idea that bisexual people were more accepted in societies. I planned to tell her I was gay a while after that once she had the bisexual idea set in, but I really couldn't do it. So anyway, after I told her, we pretty much had a lengthy positive chat, but all in all she was much more supportive than I ever expected her to be. About two days later, I told my other best friend, who actually didn't mind a single bit, she didn't really think of it as much of a change. And here I am now, a few months later. I've now been having thoughts about telling my mother(Who's the most understanding out of the family), although I keep thinking that I'll be rejected, or she'll go and tell my father and my sisters, who already have certain negative opinions of me. On top of that, as of late, I've been going under extreme patches of depression. I can barely sleep at night, I usually have insomnia, I have thoughts of self-hatred and worries about appearance along with feeling extremely lonely and unimportant and the need to not feed myself or the needs that any normal person has, etcetera. At first I thought these were all natural and hormonal, but they began to excel to the point that I felt like every day I was going to almost be driven to suicide. And well yeah, thats it. Sorry if it's wasted your time, I just felt the need to vent this to other who may be like-minded. Thanks. Advice will be really appreciated.
Hmmm.... When I came out to my mom, we were watching TV. I turned it off, which actually took me a little while to do. That got her attention real good. After that I was quiet and she asked me what was wrong. I told her that I'm Bisexual. Perhaps when you try to tell your mom you could try a similar approach. Usually someone will reject you only if they are 1. Conservatively religious or otherwise intolerant 2. They have something against you already, so they will use your sexuality as an excuse to stop knowing you. 3. You live in a southern state, where there is a large amount of people who are still against homosexuality This is the best and easiest generation for anyone to come out of the closet. Ten years ago you would have had much more issues with this. Gay people are widely accepted and have presence in movies, television, classrooms - well the list goes on and on. Its going to take a large amount of courage to come out to your parents and siblings. There's no doubt about that. And you'll definitely have to do it face-to-face. I would suggest telling you mom first. If she tells your dad and your sisters then she tells your dad and sisters. The world wont end, even if you get rejected you must remember that it is YOU who is most important. "When it comes to you and your peeps, you owe yourself the best treats" You're not coming out for anyone else except for yourself, so keep that mindset and let other people think what they want to think. Stick around here for a while and read other people's coming out stories. I assure you that spending time on the forums will definitely ease your coming out process. Remember that there is no rush. When you are ready you will know it! Good Luck! -D
hi there I have had similar feelings to yours over the last 12 months,but i found that as the need to tell parents/siblings etc got stronger,all those thoughts of rejection finally subsided into me thinking they can take it how they like.After all this is just me being myself.If they dont like it then thats thier problem not mine. I am sure as you get a greater need to come out a little voice inside your head will tell you who and when.If you have been thinking of your mum for instance you will have subconsiencly been watching her reaction around gay related issues/people.That little voice will voice will say come on its now or never. Good look whenever the time comes.
I had a similar experience. I told my two best friends that I was bi over text messages. I told my one friend who is gay that I wanted to tell him in person, but never could find the right time. They have been extremely accepting, but the next step is to tell them that I am gay. Good luck to you, and congrats on starting to come out.
Thanks for the responses guys, they're really appreciated. @Nicvcer - I've had intentions to tell my father not until way after I've moved out(Which could be many many years away), because of the fact he's both the landlord of this house and the fact that once I'm not living at my parent's house anymore, I'm not directly in the situation of dealing with my immediate family if the matter arises that they can't accept my sexuality. Though obviously this really isn't a very good game plan, because I can't foresee when I'm going to move out. As for my siblings and mother, the only real reluctancy to coming out to them is due to the fact they misinterpret things very differently (For example, there may be a day when I'm just so depressed that I lack any motivation to go out, and they'll not think twice to call me plain lazy).Along with that, I've seen them regularly crack jokes about LGBT people. I'm not saying they're homophobic, but I just think that they interpret the LGBT community as humorous. Anyway, thanks alot, I will be browsing these forums as much as possible.
Dont underestimate your family. I dont think that those types of jokes come from a misunderstanding of the LGBT community. As far as the "laziness", you family can't always see that its depression and you not being lazy. I was the same way and I always expected them all to just realize that I wasnt happy. Dont expect them to just know something is wrong. I know how you feel, and it will only get better once you start to come out.
Oh yeah, sorry if this counts as bumping, but I've got a bit of an update. I came out to my mother a few days ago. Was actually pretty spontaneous, nothing necessarily rigorous in terms of conversation planning. Basically I just asked her a few questions like "Noticed anything different, the way I behave/act, etcetera", and she replied to all of them with No, which was quite surprising because I thought she suspected something. Well anyway, Eventually I told her I was Bi (Couldn't go with gay to be honest, she's told me in the past that she has "plans" for my future and I really didn't want to crush them). Overall it resulted much much much better than I expected. She said it was very hard to understand for herself and that the concept of being with another guy was both difficult and confusing(She personally couldn't understand it), but I didn't really mind. I knew I wasn't going to get out of this with my mother just throwing it off and acting like it was fine, I'm sure if I was straight and was a father and my kid just came out to me, I'd be a bit concerned as well. But I really am very happy with the way she dealt with it, so I thanked her and assured her that I'm still exactly the same person that I was when she knew I was straight. And then we had a 2-hour long conversation about LGBT. I did however implore that she didn't go and tell my father nor my two siblings, because I'm not even close to ready for them to know yet. I guess the time will come. So, thats another down. At least I'm getting somewhere. Thanks for the help, everyone =D
