i finally came to terms with myself but i don't know how i'll know when i'm ready to come out. honestly, im kinda scared
Hi there! First off, welcome to EC! You've come to the right place! Congrats on accepting yourself. That is already a major step. Coming out to others and feeling ready for it varies from individual to individual. Coming out is scary, but know that in the overwhelming majority of cases, when someone does come out, they find relief and acceptance. Have a look at this thread It might help you a little bit. You will know when you are ready to come out to the first person. For many, coming out to a best friend is usually the first step. What you could do in preparation for it, tell yourself out loud, I want to come out to my best friend. Take note of how you feel when you do this. Do this over a period of time, and see if you can detect any changes. A lot of your fears stem from your own internal homophobia (which is a normal thing to have) that you have built up over the last little while. You are trying to reverse it and go against the internal homophobia. This will bring out fears, and insecurities but you know what, once you feel comfortable and ready to come out to your first person, most of your fears will be gone. In getting ready and also calming some of your fears a bit, try to think about who would be the best person to come out to. Think about your circle of friends and about one person whom you think you can trust and would be accepting. Take it slow, and follow your instincts at all times. If something doesn't feel right, take a step back. There is no rush in coming out. Only come out when it feels right to you. I hope this helps a bit!
Two reasons: I wanted to date a guy, and not being out and dating a guy wasn't acceptable to me. The guy I wanted to date did something really really visceral on the day of silence, and I couldn't not tell him that it meant alot to me. After that, it felt too good to tell people and it sort of all cascaded out.
Well, the very first time I came out to someone, it was actually quite improvised, if you'd asked me in the morning, if I was going to come out that day, I would have said no. It was on msn, so it wasn't the first time in person. But the girl I came out to said, that she tought it was a good idea to come out to my mom before we were going to London, which was about a week later. So I did. I'd had a great day, and I had a lot of confidence. I'd bought some hair wax for the first time because I thought it was time for a change. When I came home I was happy and kind of proud of my self. I just thought: "Today's been a great day. It HAS to be today." And I told her that day. Oh, sorry for this lenghty post and telling my coming out story, it was just showcase my point: I think you'll now when the right time is. I definitely felt that way. But remember: At the end of the day, it's all up to you and only you. Do it when you think it's time, when you're comfortable with doing it. And remember: It will be worth it, I promise :icon_bigg Good luck (*hug*)
Before I came out to my mom, I had been feeling the need to come out to someone for a few months already. I decided to tell her because I felt the time was rite. Don't overthink things. Don't come out if youre not ready. You will know if the time is rite.
Congrats on wanting to come out! One of the more important questions to consider is "Who do you come out to?" I thought about that more than when to come out. Tell the people you want to know, and if they're true friends, they'll still love you as much as before. Other than that, I think the rest of these guys have the advice pretty well covered. Good luck to you!!!
This couldn't be more true. Most of my comings out have been on impulse, and I think that's the way to go. Trying to plan it has never worked for me yet. You will know!
Firstly it's a process rather than a one off event most of the time, but the things that made me start down that road was that how badly I wanted to just be myself and be open and honest was stronger than how scared I was of how people would react. It was a case of being myself > giving a shit, but like others have said, there's a right time for everyone. If I'd done it younger i wouldn't have been able to cope as well, if I'd done it older I'd be missing out on living my life
It was the realisation of that I'm living a lie to me and my peers and the fact that I wanted to act how I wanted to. Not this wannabe hard man attitude but more kind and such. So decided to put the end to it.
Dunno if this will help, but this is what I went through. I was lucky enough to be really close friends with Heatqueen and Hln D, and as soon as I came out to myself I felt an urge to talk to someone I trusted, so I immediately PMed them and they were so much help, really understanding and supportive. As for other people, I'm not out to my family, and I'm leaving that for a bit, cuz I want it to be the right time, but with people at school and my friends, I was just sick of keeping it a secret, I wanted to be able to be who I was publicly, and they also took it really well, so far, apart from a few dickheads everyone has been amazing. You really do feel on top of the world and ready to jump for joy when you come out and it goes well. But one thing, if the time doesn't feel right or you don't feel secure enough in yourself to come out, then don't. You could cause more problems for yourself than you solve if you come out too soon.
It was when I'd more or less decided that, after 4-5ish years of questioning and coming to the conclusion that ladies are awesome, I wasn't going to wake up straight one day. (I had this huge fear that I was going to come out and then a few months later go, "Whoops, nevermind, y'all!") But that wasn't what did it, so much as feeling this REDONKULOUS amount of pressure to say something. My every interaction with people (particularly my family, especially when they made comments about boyfriends & future family) felt like a lie. It got to the point where innocent little comments like, "Ooh, were you boy-watching or something?" almost made me want to throw things and yell at people. So, uh, yeah, once the pressure built up like that, I decided to come out. I basically waited until it felt like I had to say something or explode. The fear I had of coming out got to where it felt like less of a big deal than the sheer suckiness of being in the closet. There are probably easier ways, but it helped keep me from chickening out. =P
I came out when I felt like the stress from staying closeted outweighed the risks of coming out. I knew I had at least a couple of people on my side and I knew my parents wouldn't be too bad about it, so that made it a little bit easier.
I know how you feel. I also have recently started coming out to people and accepted myself after years of struggling. The only people I have told so far I knew would be very supportive and I think that has really helped. I now have a support system in place in case I need them and they tell me time and time again that they are here for me. The first person I told had come out to me a couple years earlier so he was able to offer some great advice. This has given me the confidence to accept myself even further. I guess what I am trying to say is you probably already know how most people already feel so build a strong group of support before diving in head first. I really think that its harder to come out as an adult because people think that when you come out your a totally different person because they have always known you as being straight.
Well...I just felt like it. XD I was sick of being closeted, and so I told a few friends and my immediate family. Then I told my wider circle of friends, and they were fantastic. After that I was kinda thrown out the rest of the way; someone at school spread it around, so by then I thought to hell with it and changed my facebook. At first I was petrified of losing my friends, but I didn't lose any good friends. And the acquaintances that I may have lost really didn't matter to me.
I knew that I was gay for many years. Finally I came to terms with who I am. After a while I found that I could not hold on to this any longer. I felt if I did not tell anyone I was about to go crazy. I tried to call a gay help line and the number was disconnected. :bang::bang: I did some more searching and found EC.
