Coming out?

First off, Welcome to EC (*hug*)

Now from just the fact your mother has confronted you about your sexuality we can assume she knows. Its not easy to point blank ask someone "are you gay?". Its just something people tend not to do unless they think they already know the answer. Like you said, she most likely has accepted it on some level.

As for your dad, my mom told my dad as soon as i told her even though i asked her not to. Depending how close your parents are it might be safer to assume she will tell him. That means you should only tell the one when your ready for the other to know.

I personally would come out. You seem like you have accepted your sexuality yourself, and thats a big step. Your parents seem like they would be fine too, so that should not be too hard of a conversation. If you cant work up the guts to do it face to face, just leave your mother a letter. Letters are amazing because you can work out and edit everything before hand and even try and respond to whatever your parents might object to before they even do (common questions like "what if you get aids and die?" can be prevented by addressing them in your letter first). But if your really close to your mother, a nice face-to-face discussion could be good too.

It all depends on you. Alot of people at EC are great at advice and can help you find your way, but in the end your the one who knows you and your parents best and its your call. Whatever you decide is fine, because there is no right way to come out. Good luck! (*hug*) Wall post me if you ever need to talk to someone.

 

Hey Scott, welcome to EC

If your mother asked if you were gay, it might be a good sign aand it probably means she suspects - how did she ask? Did she sound angry or anything, or did she sound casual about it? Are you close to your parents?

Sometimes it's really tough to say this kind of thing out loud - it's normal to have some kind of block about saying you're gay for the first time, if you've spent so long trying to train yourself to never let the word slip out. If you think you might not be able to say it out loud, I'd definitely suggest you take a look at the Coming Out Letters section in EC's resources page. Writing a letter can be a really good option, it means that you can write drafts, you won't say something you don't mean or want to say in the heat of the moment, and you won't forget something important. If you decide to come out face to face, I'd still write something down beforehand - not necessarily plan a whole speech, but maybe plan out a couple of points you want to make. Good luck (*hug*)

 

As the previous two posters have said, your mother likely already knows that you are gay, and there is a decent chance she has already discussed it with your father. My mother asked me the other week if I was gay, and the only reason that I was able to tell her the truth was that I had been getting ready to come out anyways. If your mother didn't sound like she was angry or anything, I would tell her. But I totally agree with Greggers it all depends on you. You know yourself and your parents best, and you should do what is best for you at this time. If you want to tell your parents, then more power to you...if you don't want to tell them right now, that's just as good.

Also, welcome to EC!

Oh yeah, and don't forget...if you do tell your parents they will probably have questions, so you might want to think about that so you can be prepared to answer them.

 

You could also do both. Write a letter and then hand it to them in person, let them read it while you wait, and then answer questions afterward. Or you could write out some 'bullet points' that you wanted to say once you tell them too if you prefer a fully-verbal route. Either way, I'm sure your mom will be okay with it. She came to you first, after all. And generally parents stick together, so if your mom is supportive at all, it is likely that your dad will at least make it a non-issue to avoid friction with his spouse.

 

Because you're the one who knows your parents best, you'll know better than we will what they'll respond best to, but I think some of the most important things to tell them would be:

-Being gay doesn't mean you'll never have a family. If you want to have children, there are ways to make it happen.
-Being gay doesn't mean you'll never find a long-term partner. Gay relationships last too, and if they're worried you'll spend your life alone, that's not the case.
-You're sure it isn't a phase, you've known for a long time, and you know it won't change.
-It wasn't because of anything they did, or anything they didn't do. It's just the way you are.
-You're still their son and you still love them.

Also, it might take some time for them to come to terms with it - you've been adjusting to it your whole life, they haven't had that time to think about it and understand it. If they're shocked or unsure at first, it doesn't mean they won't accept you.

 

If u feel ur ready, go for it. I was ready for like 5 months but barely told my mom a week ago. Those 5 months felt like hell! If u feel ready and u think ur mom is somewhat accepting then go for it! Good luck! (*hug*) don't forget to tell us if you come out!

 

It sounds like your mom will be accepting, if you decide to say it.

I think you should tell them/her. It sounds like you're clear about who you are and happy with it.

Remember, don't rush it, if you don't feel like doing. It's up to you, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. You wouldn't be the first one

But if you do feel like doing, then do it, it's a great feeling afterwards. After I came out to my mom I've felt much happier.

If you decide to do it I hope it goes well (*hug*)
But whatever you do, good luck (*hug*)

 

Well, there are no really universal tips, as all people are different. You know your mother best, so you really need to be the final judge of what to do or not to do.

That said, things that helped me were:

- Try to get her on a moment when you're alone and not likely to be disturbed. Last thing you want is anyone walking in while you're in the middle of coming out

- Prepare a bit in advance. Think of what you would answer to the most common questions ("how can you be sure", "how long have you known", "Is there someone you're seeing", "do other people know about this"). Think of what might be her possible reactions and what to say to that.
That doesn't mean you should create a fixed scenario, but having thought things through helps!

- If you really don't feel like telling her, maybe write a letter and give it to her to read, making sure you make it clear she can come to you with questions.

- If you don't want her telling your dad, talk it through with her what to do about this.

- I didn't do this myself, but some people have printed out some support material (pflag brochures, adresses of local support groups) to give out as reading material. For some parents it was apparently a good help to get some answers

- Above all, remain confident! You can do this! You already have the answers to their questions and worries, even if you're feeling doubtful! Just think of us as your moral support! (*hug*)