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Bad Experience....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Jamieftm, Nov 19, 2009.

  1. Jamieftm

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    Okay, so back in grade seven, when I just came out to myself (I was bi at the time). I send a message to a couple of friends and somehow my dad found this message on facebook and read it. (Most likely hacked my facebook..). He then came up to me and said right to my face, "Your scaring me, Is this true?". These words scared me for life. I still havnt come out to my 'rents yet and i dont know how I could ever. My dad clearly doesnt like the neighbours, and they're gay. I asked him why he didnt like them and he said right to my face "because theyre gay". This makes me even more petrified to tell them. Im not quite sure about my mom, shes best friends with the neighbour, but she can be ... strict.


    My mom and the neighbour are going to australia in January so I talked to the neighbour about coming out and he said he would try and loosen her up in austrailia. I was thinking of telling her right before she leaves so she would have some time to take it all in. Plus she would be with the neighbour and he could help her accept it... but i find it really hard to simply just say to them "im a lesbian". Why is it so hard? They're suppose to love me no matter what, right? Everone at school, all my friends, my brother, and my cousins that know, they all could care less what I am, they love me for me, not for my sexuality.


    On another note, a while back when I came out to my brother, his reaction was quite simple. Most people would be surprised , but all he said was " So?". I loved it. When I told my neighbour, he said he sort of felt like I was before I even came out, so he wasnt too surprised, and i knew he would be accepting because he is gay himself.
     
  2. shorty

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    Sounds like you've got some pretty good support. From what you say, I think coming out to your mom first would be the best bet, and hopefully she can guide you on how to deal with your dad. Hopefully she can soften him up a bit and get him to be a bit more open minded before you decide to tell him. And welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
     
  3. RaeofLite

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    Welcome to EC. I agree with shorty. Is it just your dad that seems homophobic? So just your mom is friends with the neighbours?

    And is your brother out of the closet? Is that why your dad is iffy about being gay or? Just wondering.
     
  4. Greggers

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    Well, i think your dad knows, hes just in denial :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: He kind of read a letter you sent admitting you were bisexual, no? Thats something he can pretend to move past, but parents never do. Its always there. I think thats a good thing, same with the fact your neighbors are gay. Your dad cannot ignore it if its always there, always in his mind.

    So i would not be scared of your dad. Even if he acts homophobic, he is surrounded by it and clearly puts up with it. As his daughter, he is bound to do more than just put up with you, and i would not be surprised if it even changed his outlook on your neighbors too. If it helps, just come out to your mom first, she seems like an easier target for sure.

    I went through a smiler thing myself. I was so terrified to tell my parents because of the constant homophobia. Christmas Dinner seemed to always revolve around telling out-right offensive East Indian jokes and talking of rounding up and killing fags. Mostly my brother, but everyone kind of went with it. Gay Marriage was a sure fire topic to get my mother to do her signature "scowl and sigh" combo, the thing she does when she is the most offended. But i kind of got the point it hurt to much to hide, and seeing as my mother found pictures of naked men in my bathroom in grade 7-8, she kind of already knew and just chose to ignore it. It went over as i expected at first, without going into too muh detail: badly, but my parents never stopped loving me and each day it got a little better.

    The thing is, if you want it to start getting better day by day, you need to take that plunge. Until you tell them they wont start to change.

    I hope some of this helps? Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Do I get this...?

    Your dad doesn't like your neighbours, but your mom is going to Australia with one of them?!? Maybe your dad is jealous of the time your mom spends with them instead of with him...

    I'd say your mom is going to be fine with the whole thing. Telling her a bit before she goes away would be good.

    Welcome to EC! (And use a larger font please!)
     
  6. Jamieftm

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    My Brother Is Straight. And I have no clue as to why my Dad is homophobic.. he just is.

    And my mom has been best friends with the neighbor ever since we moved her 10 years ago... my dad is always either out, or when he is home hes in his room on the computer or sleeping so, if he wants to spend time with her, he needs to get a job and take her out every once in a while... so i wouldnt say that not spending time together is my moms fault.. if he really wants my mom, he would try harder and take her out.
     
  7. ForeverYours227

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    I would definately tell your mom and see what she thinks about your dad. Alot of people don't accept it until someone they love come out to them.

    In my opinion, it would be better knowing how he felt about you, with you telling him then not telling him at all. He might not accept it at first, he might. It'll be hard but you seem to have good support and you have everyone here.
     
  8. Jamieftm

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    UPDATE:

    IM OUT TO MY MOM. (most of you already know from my other threads)
     
  9. RaeofLite

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    Congrats. I hope things are ok for you. (*hug*) :slight_smile:
     
  10. Jamieftm

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    Thanks and they sure are :slight_smile:
     
  11. Mirko

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    Congratulations! :slight_smile: