Well, I've managed to talk about my recent "discovery" of my non-straight-ness to someone else - my therapist. Well, not really a therapist, she does spiritual work, energy stuff and also runs a class teaching Tarot reading, which I am a part of. I'm not entirely sure I believe in all this new-agey stuff (besides Tarot, which is very fascinating from a purely psychological/archetypal point of view) but she offers personal meetings which are essentially something like talk therapy supported by her knowledge of this stuff and personal background. I feel I can talk to her as I've gotten to know her and trust her advice. Anyways, I came out to her. She didn't seem entirely surprised - apparently I was the fourth person to come out to her so she was used to it. Anyways, she asked some good questions, some of which I'd already answered for myself, others I hadn't thought of to get to know the extent of my orientation a bit better. I told her I currently have crushes on people of two different genders, for example. She suggested I come out to my mother, as I could use the support as I was coming to terms with it. In any case, I'd thought about only coming out to my mother when I actually landed a guy - that was sort of my self-delusion when i thought I was straight. You know, you're "actually straight" unless you actually act on it. That sort of thing. My mother is my only surviving parent and I know fairly well that she probably wouldn't react badly. She's known many gay people (she loves my boss, who's a lesbian and of whom I always speak high praises) and I've never heard her so much as hint at homophobia. So I very much want to tell her. I don't know what's making me nervous, though. Is it the awkward questions I assume she'll ask? Am I just being too sensitive?
Congrats. She might be more openminded from the way you discribe her. I wish you well. Let her know you can answer questions if you have any once you come out to her. *secretly wishes we could swap moms haha*
It sounds like telling your mom is a good thing to do, but make sure you do it on your own timetable, not because someone else told you to While I think she'll be supportive from what you've said, you have to be ready because even if supportive, there are bound to be lots of questions, perhaps some shock or surprise, and all of those take emotional energy to be able to handle.
Thanks for the advice, all. I'm surprised my first post was completely readable and factual - I posted it after a few drinks. Reading it over, it's all true so I must have been less drunk than I thought. Thank god for spell check. I want to come out to my mother, though. I've had about three weeks to sort it around my own mind and I think I've come to terms with it, mostly. I feel she deserves to know. Maybe I should just simply wait until I no longer feel uncomfortable, then?
I often say that you should come out to people when coming out is more comfortable for you than not coming out. Are you there yet with your mom? The reality is that you're unlikely to have a boyfriend all the while you aren't out. So that's a 'chicken and egg thing' that probably wouldn't work. Congratulations on coming out to your first person though. That really is an accomplishment.
It's certainly easier in many ways to be out. But it is possible to have a boyfriend and be closeted. It isn't very fun for, or very respectful to, the boyfriend, but I know at least a couple of different people who have maintained relationships for a year or more while still closeted to most people, or to parents. It does sound like you want to come out, so as Jim said, it's a matter of weighing the discomfort. Change of any type pretty much occurs only when the discomfort of staying where you are exceeds the fear of taking new steps. What I tell people in circumstances like that, regardless of what the "change" is, is to look at the situation, and if you're nervous and uncomfortable beyond belief at the idea, then wait... but if you're a bit anxious and nervous but not paralyzingly so, you're probably ready to take the step.
Congratulations on your first coming out! That's awesome! As Chip and Jim mentioned, come out to your mum when you feel ready and comfortable with telling her. If you can stand in front of a mirror and say out loud "I want to come out to my mom and I will tell her today" and feel good, or don't have an odd feeling somewhere, then give it a go. Maybe try coming out to another person first. The more you come out, and the more you gain acceptance and support, the more comfortable you will become not only with yourself but also with coming out.
Well... for me, I had to come out when I felt uncomfortable because I couldn't deal with it myself. I just had to come out to some people and realize I had support. I had a lot of internalized homophobia. I think it depends on the individual and how they deal with realizing they're gay/bi. But for me, I had to come out to others first, then sort through my feelings and realize I'm ok just for me. It's not fun being outed when you're caught off guard though so, try to come out on your own timetable (as mentioned by a previous post).
1. Not really, I suppose. But of course, I'm weighing it against your second point... 2. Good way of putting it. I may never end up with a guy, I might get a girl instead. I think I'd still want my mother to know, as I'm her son and she'd like to know that sort of thing. Besides, she's been there for me in traumatic events in the past- when my roommate had a nervous breakdown and had to be dragged to the mental health centre, when my apartment was burglarized etc. so I think if I let her know I'd be able to confide things in her. 3.Thanks. It really helped air a lot of the frustrations I was having. Internalized homophobia... that's a very accurate way of putting it. My own internal/self coming out involved scrubbing away layer after layer of that stuff. I felt much better afterward, though.
Well, came out to my mother. Went about as well as expected, she's probably still a bit confused herself but seems to understand the confusion I'm going through. In any case, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I got that over with.
Congratulations! That's awesome that you could come out to your mum! It sounds like that she is trying to process all the information. Give her some time and answer any questions that she might have as best as you can. Maybe give her also some PFlagreading material, which you can find on their website. I'm glad that it went well.
Congrats on coming out to your mom. I agree with Mirko. Give your mom some PFLAG material. I gave my parents 'Our Daughters, Our Sons' when I came out to the,.
Well, one more. Came out to my boss. I'd been having a real bad day, forgetting little things etc. and just feeling worse and worse about myself. So at the end of the day as we were shutting up the shop she asks if I had anything on my mind, and I just let loose with "I came out to my mother last night.". She just gets a brief surprised look on her face, gives me a hug and goes on a half-hour long story about how she was outed by someone she was dating and how she knows exactly how I feel. Needless to say I feel a bit better now.
That's good news. So you have support from your boss even. It's awesome when someone you're in constant daily contact with has been through or is going through similar issues so you don't have to feel so alone.
Thanks. Oh, and I'm on a roll. Told my brother just now. He's very supportive, but I knew he'd be, as his girlfriend (?Open relationship? I'm not sure. ) is bi as well. So now, everyone in my immediate family knows.
