Coming Out at Work

You might want to get yourself to a comfortable and confident position of being out in your non-professional life before going the next step and coming out at work.

For coming out at work, it really depends on the company, and your position within the company. Does the company have an anti-discrimination policy (almost all do) that specifically denotes sexual orientation (some do)? Or your state/country may have those laws as well. Also, does your boss control your employment, or does someone else? How long have you worked there, are there other out gay employees, etc. All those are questions which may help to determine the receptiveness of the company to your coming out. As for me, I work in IT, and most companies I know of have very strong anti-discrimination policies, and gay employees and even gay employee groups are fairly common.

Finally, that 'agenda' stuff is a crock of shit. If a straight employee can have something like a picture of a spouse/partner on their desk, so can a gay one. If a straight employee can bring a spouse/date to a company event, so can a gay one. I think having a picture of your bf on your desk is no issue. Your boss would be playing with fire (and thus his job) if he was to complain or ask you to take it down. No one wants a discrimination lawsuit.

 

If there are no legal protections in AZ, or if the company policy doesn't specifically mention non-discrimination against LGBT people, my advice is to be cautious about coming out at work.
Living in the UK, the legislation in place is perfectly clear, and prevents discrimination not only in employment, but in the provision of goods and services, which includes hotels, adoption agencies, etc. I'm out at work, to all of my colleagues and my immediate bosses, but probably not to anyone higher up than that. I had been working there for a while before I came out, but that was because I was still in the closet in the rest of my life, too. But legal policies aside, I knew it wouldn't be a problem because one of my bosses is also gay, and out at work.
So, I agree with Olides84: is there anyone else at work who is out, or do you know any other people at work who are LGBT but not out? Either way, it would be sensible to talk to them and see how it affects their life.
At the end of the day, if there is any area of life where being out is less important, it is at work. Orientation is irrelevant to your ability to do your job well and act professionally, and despite the fact that I am out at work, I don't feel that it is terribly important... the fact that my friends know, and my parents know is much more important to me.

 

I don't think you'd be "pushing and agenda" by talking about the fact that you have a boyfriend and what you did on the weekend. (Well - not EVERYTHING you did on the weekend!) While you and your boss might come from very different backgrounds and have different outlooks on this, it doesn't necessarily mean that your professional life needs to be impacted in any way by the fact that you're gay.

Studies have shown that people that are able to come out at work are more productive - assuming they are in a relatively supportive environment.

 

Yeah, 'right to work' or 'at will' means that you can fired or let go for pretty much any reason OTHER than discrimination. Yeah you should check your workplace first. But I was curious (since most of my immediate family lives in Arizona and who knows if I'll end up there someday) and so decided to google a bit.

http://www.azag.gov/civil_rights/discrimination.html

So sexual orientation is not a protected class in employment statewide. That's bogus--everything else is covered. When/if ENDA passes, then that will cover all the states that don't have the laws on the books.

Of course cities have their own laws. So you should check what city you work in--for example Phoenix has a limited law against employment discrimination based on orientation--see here: http://www.phoenix.gov/EOD/discempl.html

I shoulda been a lawyer...

 

Don't worry too much about those co-workers of yours who are making offensive comments about gay people. They probably don't even have any gay friends and don't realize that by saying those things they are making the office "a lot more uncomfortable" for you (and maybe for others too :icon_wink)

I'm also out to nearly everyone in my personal life, and I've had a boyfriend for 9 months. But I'm only out to 1 person at work.

I've also been considering coming out to more people, but I decided that for now, I wouldn't do it.

Although I've been working at this company for 1,5 years, and my immediate colleagues and bosses are mostly gay-friendly, I just don't want to risk anything. I need this job, and coming out could potentially cause more trouble than the good it would do. It doesn't really bother me that my colleagues at work don't know. I guess I'll just stay a bit mysterious for now

 

I can understand you feeling uncomfortable, and that is NOT a very professional way for them to conduct themselves. I'd be taking that up with someone if I were you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. It is quite simply wrong. Most people, gay or not, would agree with you.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through that at work. I am going through similar unprofessional and homophobic remarks at my work. I don't want to go back into the closet at all and I have been struggling with what to do at work. After a lot of thought and advice from everyone here. I am going to start looking for another job but in the mean time I am not going to hide. If anyone does ask I plan on not lying. I don't think anyone will really ask. I am friends with many coworkers on Facebook. It shows that I am in a relationship and no one has yet asked me about it.

Today I was at the end of an awkward moment. I was with a repeat customer and got along with her real well, talking and even laughing. My manager noticed that I had good re-pore with her and then he said I must be having sex with her. I was so appalled.

 

Good luck! Hopefully sanity will prevail!

 

Yea!!

I talked to a friend of mine at work, a woman that I am out to and told her that I have been stressing out at work and I feel like I no longer belong there. She asked why and I told her about the homophobic remarks. I told her the jist of what was said and she was shocked. She asked if I talked to 'J' the only openly gay gut at work. I told her no not yet. She told me that I should and she could see why I may feel disheartened. I feel a little bit better that I did tell her. She really didn't offer any real solutions, but she is the type that she can be outspoken. Maybe if she hears something she say something.

 

i personally don't really have any reason for everyone at work to know i'm gay it doesn't bother me its just my job... but i am a nurse and work with mostly a bunch of straight women who like me better for it. (for some reason straight women always seem to act like a gay guy is a new pet):icon_wink

 

I know I won't tolerate it. I really hope that Nation-wide bill gets passed for the US. You guys need more anti-hate laws for everything--especially since the world looks to you for advice. Strong and free? Yea right... But you're getting there. Keep it up.

...I'll keep posting up posters on my campus to not be homophobic or accept homophobic language and searching for jobs with anti-hate clauses in their contract.

 

i don't want to hijack, but this is teensy, so didnt seem worth a whole other thread. I do not consider myself closetted...but there's still the moment, with new people, when you come out...for lack of a better description, right?

So, today it happened at work. I was just randomly chatting with the girls, and somehow got around to saying something along the lines of "the money i have is reserved for january rent, christmas presents and one date I have coming up" ...which of course made the girls go "ooooooooh, whose the lucky guy?" and me smirk and clarify "luck girl, actually"

They were cool Not a single hitch in the convo. Just smooth transition to "is she cute?!"

It was nice. I like these people.

 

Thanks. I think it's more owing to the fact that the two girls working today happened to be the two cool, open minded, awesome chicks than the handeling on my part, but it was lovely.