Two More Down...

Hey, Gang:

So, we can cross two more people off of the list. These are good friends that I just haven’t seen in a while and am not likely to cross paths with anytime soon…for those of you who know me, you know that one of my problems when I initially was dealing with my own coming out process, I had built my entire social structure around the church I was attending at the time. After talking with several folks on EC, I broadened the circle and have been talking regularly and developing new friendships with folks who have been much more accepting. Today, I took the next step and sent a letter to two of my best friends from the old church-specific circle of friends that I don’t see very much, but who I felt it was really important for them to hear directly from me about my coming out. I have been moving towards getting progressively more involved in the movement for full marriage equality, and my Facebook profile and activity is going to reflect that change. As such, I really felt like my friendship with them meant enough that I wanted them to hear directly from me. Since I tried to set something up for coffee with them and those plans kept falling through, I sent both of them a fairly long and descriptive letter via e-mail and officially came out to them.

I have to say, the other people I’ve come out to were “easier” in the sense that I knew they would be accepting…these folks are more religious, so I found myself having to take a deep breath before I hit “send”. But, it is done and I feel a huge weight having been taken off my shoulders. I’ll let you know what response, if any, I get!

 

Thanks! I also just spoke with another friend I haven't seen in a while, and we're going to be getting together for coffee on Saturday, so I'll be coming out to her at that time as well. It's really true, the more people you come out to, the easier it gets. As I said to someone else in another thread, my only regret at this point is not having done this sooner.

 

So, kind of a mixed bag...I got a text from my friend I was supposed to have coffee with, and she said she could not make it. As this was the third time I had tried to get together, and I really felt like further delays would not be good, I texted her back and we agreed to converse by e-mail since we're now living on seperate sides of town. As I consider myself far better as a writer than an orator, I was able to send an e-mail that walked her through the process I've been going through...I'll let you all know what response I get tonight or tomorrow.

Also, if anyone would like to see the letter I wrote, let me know and I can post it here

 

So, I got a wonderful surprise...at about 11:45, I got a phone call from my friend I was going to be getting together for coffee with, and she wanted to tell me how much she appreciated our friendship and how she wanted me to know that she would always be my friend, no matter what....she was warm and accepting, a really wonderful conversation She even asked me if I was dating anyone - far more openness than I expected....just goes to show you can never predict how someone is going to react.

First response was a good one indeed!

 

So, I posted this yesterday, but it looks like my yesterday post got lost in the database issues, so I figured I would re-post.

Some of you know that I sent out a couple of coming out e-mails to some friends I've known for several years through a church I was pretty heavily involved in. One of them e-mailed me back yesterday. I was actually sort of surprised that I got the reply, because I went into it assuming that these folks would not be accepting, and I prepared myself to deal with that. Well, my friend's reply was what I'd call more than I expected but not quite accepting. He said that he was shocked (which I can understand) but that he could come to terms with my being gay (which is quite an admission for someone from a very religious and conservative background). He talked about how he couldn't accept my "lifestyle" (God, I hate that word) but that we had a very close friendship that he didn't want to lose. He said the obvious, which was that he wasn't sure where we go from here, but that he didn't want to outright lose the friendship that we had. In my reply, I told him I appreciated that he was willing to make an effort. I also laid down a fairly clear line in the sand, though, by telling him that there might have been a time where I didn't understand my own feelings on this, but that time had passed. I explained that I wasn't out to engage him in a debate because I know how he feels, but that he also shouldn't expect to engage me in a debate, because this isn't something where he's going to magically change my mind either. We agreed that once our schedules both calm down quite a bit from where they are right now, then we can get together to catch up and talk, and also so I can answer any questions that he might have and so that we can figure out where things go from here.

As I said yesterday, the one thing that surprised me is the degree to which I've been able to shed a lot of my own baggage. Coming out over the last year or so, there was a time when getting that e-mail would have sent me into a psychological tailspin where I was worried about other friends, who he was talking to, their reaction, etc. Yesterday, I read what he had to say, took a deep breath, read the e-mail again and then went on about my day, and I responded to him when I got home last night. It was more of a minor bump in the road yesterday that I passed over and didn't think about again until I posted about it on EC last night. I guess this is what being more comfortable in my own skin means to me at this point in my own coming out process, and EC has played a large role in that. I was both surprised and delighted by my own reaction, because something that wasn't a big deal, I was able to process and treat like it was...not a big deal.

Just thought I'd share that for people who didn't see it yesterday