Three and Counting

I am now fully out to three people in my life. My mom was the first that I came out to completely and she was about as supportive and comforting as possible. I had conversed with an old friend about it while talking about my troubling depression and difficulty understanding myself. She was really helpful and kinda helped me realize that the depression was due to the inner turmoil i.e. my sexuality. Well I wanted to clear the air and come out completely to her so I sent her a message clarifying things over facebook. A couple nights later I told another really good friend who also happens to be friends with the first friend. I did it over text which was kinda lame, but I could't wait any longer and I was having a lot of trouble picking up the phone and talking about it. She was also a huge help and we're getting together over the holidays to talk more.

I can't even explain the amount of relief I felt after hearing back from them both. Like an enormous weight was just sucked off my shoulders and I was set free. I am content with these three for now, but really want to let some others know. My sister is coming down for christmas for the first time in a couple years and I think it will be a good opportunity to let her know. I also need to fully come out to my dad, this might be really difficult because I think he might be going through the same thing..... I don't want to sound crazy, but when you live with someone your whole life you notice things, and to be perfectly honest, he doesn't seem very straight. I won't go into detail, but that's basically it, I think maybe me coming to terms with everything and opening up to him will help him greatly if he is feeling the same way.

Here's the convo:

Hey, so I know I kinda already said this, and I'd rather do it in person but I am still having trouble picking up the phone and talking about it. I can no longer deny to myself and those around me that I am a gay man lol, there may be some small part of me that is still physically attracted to women, but there's a much larger part of me that I've been ignoring and hiding that feels the complete opposite. I think I've made myself pretty sick fighting this whole thing and I know I still have a long way to go before I can openly be my absolute and honest self. I know I have probably left some people kind of lost and confused and possibly hurt. I hope I can eventually be open and honest with everyone, but I am starting small for now. I'm really glad I met you when I did, you've been a great friend. You're an amazingly strong and good person, I'm just glad to know someone like you. Can't wait to see you in January. I think, you and my mom are the only people who know, or that I have told anyway, I'm sure plenty of people have an idea though. I really wanna tell Heather and some others but still haven't found the right time. You're an amazingly strong and good person, I'm just glad to know someone like you. Can't wait to see you in January.

Kayla December 14 at 4:15pm
Max, I am really happy that you are able to start to say these things. It is a great start for you truly being you and loving being you again. I am so pleased to be your friend and see your growth over the last few years. If you ever hear me talk about you, I always say "he is like my little brother," I love the relationship that we have established together and even more happy to call you a true friend. I hope you know how honored I am to have you even say the things about me you have, it really made me so happy that you consider me a person to share this information with. Sounds like you are starting to come to terms with things, which is wonderful! I know that in due time things will fall in place and the right times will occur to tell people. Heather told me the other night that you had something to tell her and wanted to know what it was. I did not tell her, as I know you will find your own time to do so, she just freaks out, like heather always does when she is curious. I hope you are not worried that people will judge you because your true friends won't.

None the less, hang in there. You are doing great and you are well on your way to being a way more happy person. I am really really happy to know that you are doing a little better.

Love ya lots,
Kay

 

she sounds like a really really great friend. we all need someone like that.

good luck with your sister and your dad. sisters can be really good support too. i definitely used mine to help come out to my parents.

and it sounds like it'll be more downhill from here. the first few are the hardest to tell and family is especially difficult, but looks like you're getting the hard stuff done quick.