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My mom's trying to get me to come out.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by xCrazyInsanity, Dec 31, 2009.

  1. xCrazyInsanity

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    She's trying to get me to come out as a gay chick, rather. At least she's oblivious to the fact that her 'little girl' isn't a girl, nor is he little.

    I'm getting contradicting, mixed messages from her.

    "You can do whatever you want with your life"
    "I want you to be happy" (orly?)
    "Is there something going on with dating that you're not telling me about?"
    "Be comfortable with what you wear" (I've been wearing boys clothes for the better part of a year -- yes i know it's new years eve -- and it's kinda obvious that I don't look like a typical straight girl.)

    On the contradicting side
    "Gays are going to hell" (Related: "Trannys are still their birth sex, no matter what they do to :***: up their bodies")
    "When are you getting a boyfriend" (The 'they're gay or taken' excuse is getting thin after two years of this one)
    "I'm concerned that you're not allowing yourself to be a woman" (yah, thanks. I'm not one)
    Not a statement, but she keeps pushing me to wear "normal" girls clothes. I'm 5'9 and have a the dreaded 'hourglass figure' (or wanted.. if you're female). Womens clothes are too tight and are made to show off cleavage (*shudder, choke, die*). THEY DON'T FREAKING FIT!

    --------------------


    The day I come out is the day I find a new place to live, and am forced to drop out of school (I'm a college bound honors student. Totally not worth it)
    My mother has disowned her gay brother, and thinks that everyone who's LGBT doesn't deserve the rights (to be fair, at least she's not a hypocrite. She's racist too)
    My father grew up on a farm, and fits the stereotype perfectly. Homophobic, radical republican, and also racist.
    (Thank god bigotry isn't genetic, or I'd be screwed in my own skin)


    I don't know what to do.
    I can't very well pretend to be a girlygirl. I never have been one

    I live in a small town, the only lgbt resource that doesn't require a car to get to is our school's Gay-Straight alliance, and I'm not comfortable being totally out, considering some crap that happened last year that went unchanged (harassment...*line of swears*) thank you homophobic guidance at the freshman building...

    I haven't been this confused since I was 10ish and had decided that I was an alien, to explain why my body is so wrong.
    :help:

    edit: This.. might be in the wrong place. If yes, feel free to move. Sorry for writing a book
     
    #1 xCrazyInsanity, Dec 31, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2009
  2. adam88

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    Don't be sorry! (*hug*) Sometimes you need to vent your frustrations in order to take a look at them. How out are you about being trans with your mother? Does she think you're "just a tomboy"? Depending, PFLAG has good info about transgenders as well that she might get some help from reading.

    Also, why would being out constitute dropping out of school? Would your own parents really kick you out at fifteen?
     
  3. xCrazyInsanity

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    Mine would... And the lifeline I had to stay with if i got kicked out moved over the summer.
    If i can't live anywhere, then I'm stuck having to find a job anywhere, and not go to school.

    My mother just thinks I'm a tomboy who doesn't want to get pregnant before she's 18. And apparently that's OK, but the fact that I buy clothes a size too big, because nothing else fits over my godforsaken chest without making me look like one of those typical 15y/o sophomore sluts. Guys hit on me enough as it is (just no... If a gay guy (or even a nice guy, for that matter) was showing interest, that would be another story, but I only get the pigs who want to get in the pants of some ':***:ing lesbo')

    Be comfortable, and happy. But don't disgrace the family name by being queer.
    :eusa_doh:
     
  4. xCrazyInsanity

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    *is not
    Sorry, i just caught that mistake... Typed too fast apparently.
     
  5. RaeofLite

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    (*hug*) It's ok dude. Your parents don't understand (duh). :confused: And probably have no experience about what it's like to even be gay, nonetheless trans. They probably have never even met or possibly seen a trans person in real life and therefore have no basis of what to go off to try to understand you.

    From what I've found, my parents had never really talked to an openly gay person til my dad's cousin showed up for a visit at our place with his partner, so when I came out there was a lot of mouths dangling on the floor in shock etc because the only gay people they knew about were on our two channels we get for TV. (And that's a very small percentage if nothing of the LGBT community and its stereotypes).

    I wish I could hang out and talk to you in person but obviously I can't, so I'm going to say here, "Hang in there. You know who you are. And in this case the body you were meant to be in. Coming out (whether you are gay, les, bi, or trans) takes time for most parents to come to terms with. And at your age (sorry but this is the truth in most cases), parents think that they know what's best for you. And when you say that you do, they think of themselves as the adults and superior to your knowledge." (Which in 'some' cases is true, but not in the case of knowing your sexual orientation or knowing you're trans because only you can know that.)

    Try contacting a PFLAG, the closest one to your area. That's what I can think of for now. And remember to keep being you. You'll pass this s*** once you get older and move out and find a much happier/fulfilling life. :slight_smile:
     
  6. xCrazyInsanity

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    I detest how emo-kid that sounds, but unfortunately it's totally true

    YES! Someone else who's grown up without 100+ channels on TV.
    Sorry, i've never had cable, so people like to use that as a reason for teasing. Friendly teasing, but it gets old.

    My parentals exposure to lgbt is mainly from dr.Phil (Ugh. If you didn't see the show on ts kids, count yourself lucky.) and various 'freak shows' where the main topic is "who ma baby fatha?"

    Total fail at showing anything beyond worst case scenario and stereotypes. Total, epic. fail. :rolleyes:

    Love/hate relationships eh?
    Of course parents *do* have superior knowledge, technically. They've been alive longer...
    That does'nt mean more accepting, but whatever.

    I hate not being able to drive =|. The nearest pflag AND rainbow room (both in my county) are about 20 miles off. Less than an hour drive, but unaccessible for being in this dump of a town...
    stupid not being able to get my permit for 6mo, license for a year and a half...
     
  7. Jose Carioca

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    Given your current situation, it does not sound safe to come out, at all.

    The following statements are all very ambiguous. They don't refer to anything specific, and thus, can mean almost anything.

    These, however, are very clear cut.

     
  8. xCrazyInsanity

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    - its rather obvious i don't have a boyfriend, and am not normal
    - if she wanted me to actually be happy, I wouldn't have to be afraid to come out, no?
    - adur, i don't have a boyfriend (or a girlfriend right now...), and this is freaking her out (that and 'when you getting bf' are related, but totally different ways to ask the same question)
    - well do you think i'd dress like a girl?

    *sigh* as much as I hate lying to her, it's looking like the only way to be safe in my own home.