1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

New to This

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by 4 seat, Jan 13, 2010.

  1. 4 seat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2009
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Irvine, CA
    I'm 23 and I thought about using this for awhile now. I just graduated last year from college and am waiting to hear from grad school admissions at the same school. I've known/thought I was gay since I was 19 and accepted it when I was about 20 or so. I've had a couple girlfriends in the past but now I know that's not gonna work. I finally came out to one of my friends when I was 22 and 6 more of my friends since then.

    The weird thing is, I've been a hardcore athlete, kinda like a jock all my life and I still am. I was on a sports team in high school and here at my college, and as far as I know, I'm the only gay collegiate athlete I've ever met at my school and other schools and sports. No one is ever able to tell I'm gay, not my closest friends, parents, siblings, roommates, teammates, hell, even both of the gay guys at my work think I'm straight and one often tells me he wishes I was gay (haha). The thing is, my friends are in general, my bros on the team and while I feel close to them all and trust them completely, I'm honest and open with them about every single aspect of my life.......except that I'm gay. I've told 5 of them, all straight guys, and I've been blessed enough that they have all had really good reactions to it, but I'm still really nervous about it around the others that don't know and my close friends in general. All of them have been completely shocked and thought I was joking and one of them still tells me I'm straight cuz I've never done anything with a guy before, but I have with girls. Surprising to me that they reacted so well, cuz most of them don't really know or hang out with any gay guys, and I don't either. That's why I was really nervous. I'm 23 and I don't know anything about who I am, sexually. I don't have any gay friends, do any of the stereotypically gay things, or have stereotypically gay interests, and really know anything about gay lifestyle in general, except what you see on TV and stuff.

    While all my friends understand that I am scared in admitting my sexuality and being open, they do what all of us do to each other-make fun of me relentlessly for it, because we always have joked about everything, and like they say, this is just another thing about me that they say doesn't make a difference. Like I said, I've been lucky enough to have really open-minded friends who support me no matter what. The first 2 I told were my closest friends and they both think it's great, they're totally fine with it and are happy for me. One of them was only upset that I didn't tell him sooner and that this just brought us closer. Anyways, they asked if I had ever been to a gay bar, I said no and didn't really care to go to one. They said they wanted to take me and finally dragged me out to one. They had a blast, cuz they acted like jackasses at the bar and thought it was the most hilarious sight seeing me there, which it prob was. The thing is, being in a gay bar surrounded by a bunch of gay guys made me really, really uncomfortable. I'm not used to that environment or guys like that. Everyone there just looked like no one I would ever hang out with or would ever wanna date. I felt like I didn't belong at all and felt like I was almost like an outcast there, even though a guy bought me a drink and started talking to me. I go to normal bars all the time with my friends and feel totally fine there. Is something wrong with me?

    I wanna date at some point, but I don't think I'm quite comfortable enough with my sexuality to start a relationship with a guy right now. Either way, I don't know what to do as far as even meeting other gay guys. I have no interest in anyone I saw at the gay bar, nor either of the guys at my work. I have no idea where to look to even meet other gay guys, just kinda make friends and talk to them, not even hook up or anything. I feel totally at home with my bros on the team, and I've never had any kind of attraction other than physical to any of them(which they understand), or anyone in general. I don't even think I would know how to date or act around anyone.

    Basically, I'm in no rush, but I wanted some hints or advice. I'm just really confused and wanna keep my life how it is, but know a little more about what I should do. I don't know. Just want some info.
     
  2. Zumbro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2010
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Troy, NY
    Well, welcome to EC, and we're happy to have you! :smilewave

    I think you'll find that you aren't very strange at all. There are a ton of gay people who don't fit the gay stereotype (and there's even a thread for it), and we are all people with different interests. There are people who enjoy sports, music, computers, and everything else out there. Some of us are in fraternities, in the army, and doing all sorts of thing that aren't stereotypical. Stereotypes are just that, and most people don't fit them perfectly, or even closely. (Think about a stereotype for any racial group, and then think about the people you know. They probably don't match up).

    I personally have never been to a gay bar (although I'm going for the first time this semester (!)), and the fact that you had straight male friends willing to make you go is pretty great, I think. It seems they are fully supportive of you.

    Have a look around, take your time, and don't be afraid to ask questions. That's what the EC is all about is figuring things out and having fun. And if you figure out a good way to meet gay guys, let me know, because I still need to get that going too. :grin:
     
  3. Ander Blue

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2009
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark (normally Troy, New York)
    Hey there! Congrats on coming out to your five friends. It's a tough and stressful thing to do. I'm glad they've taken it well, that helps sooooo much! Also, I wish you the best of luck with your grad school apps!

    I very much understand your point though. You feel that you don't fit the stereotypical image, which is fine. It's only the stereotypical one, that doesn't mean it actually is what gay people are. It's just what we're viewed as, in general. Being gay doesn't define your life necessarily - you are you and that's what defines it. Also, it's all right to be nervous going into a gay bar. There are tons of reasons to be that can stem from multiple things. I know that when I get back to school this spring - my friends are taking me to a gay bar, and I'm freaked out. I'm actually afraid of getting hit on or given advances to - I don't think I'll be really comfortable with it. However, I'm still going. I'm going to try to make the best of it, and overcome my insecurities as best I can in order to prep for the whole ordeal. One reason why you may feel like an outcast is because everyone else there is most likely out! You don't have that privilege yet, so it's understandable that you don't feel as in with the crowd as you think you should. As for who we chose as our friends, it's absolutely fine that you didn't see anyone there that night who you think you could hang out with. If you're looking to find some gay friends though, I would look into a gay sports club in your area or something. You could join in doing something you're comfortable with, and maybe find some guys that are more on your level. You can also still keep your life as it is. You don't have to change anything if you decide to come out - you'll just be you even more so.

    I hope everything is well (*hug*)
     
  4. mmilam75

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Hi there, and welcome to EC! It's good that you've started to come to terms with your sexuality, as it can make living your life a heck of a lot easier when you're not dragging this big secret around everywhere you go. You should be proud of yourself for making it this far. :thumbsup:

    One thing that is important to keep in mind is that there is no stereotypical gay "lifestyle"...there's the life that you lead. Take me for example...I grew up in Arizona, played football and basketball all my life. On most weekends, I try to spend at least an hour (if not more) at the shooting range getting in some target practice. I tend to vote Republican and I am pretty active in the state branch of the NRA. Very few people who don't know me well would be able to tell that I am gay. When I go to a bar, if you put a drink with an umbrella in front of me, I might have to hurt you :wink: I say all that so that you understand that being gay isn't all of who you are - it's one part of your life that doesn't need to push everything else aside. Life is not a broadway musical, and we're not all going to fit the same mold. So, what is important is for you to figure out what this means for you, and the sort of life you want to lead. EC is a great place for asking those questions and getting answers with the other people here, because we're all just trying to make our way through life.

    As for you not feeling comfortable in a gay bar, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The few times I've gone to a gay bar, I have never stayed very long because the atmosphere didn't suit me. When you go to bars, are you generally with friends? If so, these represent a "hang out" spot for you. As such, you don't use a bar as a place for meeting women, so why would you suddenly use them for that purpose to meet a guy? Again, gay bars aren't bad in and of themselves, maybe it's just not for you. Perhaps you can look for a gay sports league? In Phoenix, we have a flag football league that has a league schedule, so this might be something for you to consider. Also, if where you live has a GLBT community center, calling and looking for resources there might be helpful as well. If all else fails, I'd suggest a good old fashioned Google search to find resources that might be close by where you're at.

    Remember, there is nothing wrong with you - you're in the process of opening up and discovering what it means to live your life without caring who knows about it. This is going to be a transition for you, but eventually you'll come out (no pun intended) on the other side and be better for having made the journey. If you want someone to listen or even vent to, the admins and others here are great, and you can feel free to send me a Private Message as well, as I am more than happy to listen to anyone who may need a helping hand or just someone with an ear and some time on their hands.

    Good luck! :smilewave
     
  5. Sylver

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2010
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kenora, Ontario
    I think you'll find that coming out is a process that changes your life over a long period of time, and it extends way beyond the one or two major events early on that get your heart rate up through the roof. It's also a very personal process, and while it's become obvious to me from the EC that so many people go through similar stages and experiences, you will still end up taking your own path. Maybe the best advice I can offer is to take your time, don't try to be someone you're not, don't try to change what you're not ready to change yet, but be open to the new experiences that will probably come along as you start to define what it means for you to be gay. And remember that no one definition of what it means to be gay is "right", you have to define the one that's right for you.
     
  6. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Given the specific situation in which you went to a gay bar--with a bunch of straight friends who were goofing off and having fun with your discomfort--it would have been unbelievable if you had had anything close to a good time. The first time I was in a gay bar, I was extremely uncomfortable--and I am about as far from a jock who hangs out with straight guys as you could ever find. In a lot of ways, I'm very "stereotypically" gay... I use the quotes, though, because while I really dig musicals, I really hate shopping. And while I really love hot sex with a guy, I'm not a big fan of one-night stands. Oh, and I generally hate opera. And while I like some Lady Gaga stuff, I'm not gaga over her like some gay guys I know. :slight_smile: Et cetera, et cetera... very few people who happen to read as "stereotypical" are actually charicatures who are nothing more than stereotypes.

    A lot of guys who come out, but especially guys who have been socialized in a very male buddy-buddy environment like you have, are totally uncomfortable with the gay "scene" (actually, there are many and varied gay "scenes")--but you need to realize that while part of that is that some of it legitimately isn't "your thing," a lot of it is that all you're going to see initially is the stereotypes; you won't be able to see past your own inexperienced (and thus narrow) understanding of what gay life is.

    Now, I'm not trying to say that the bar scene is terribly deep or meaningful--but all of the people you saw there are actual, real live, breathing people... and all of them have feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, regrets... they're full-fledged three-dimensional beings. (Okay, most of them are :lol: no doubt some are bar stars who don't have much going on overall.) But to give you an idea of what I'm getting at, when I used to go clubbing regularly (regularly as in once a week), some of my friends would shake their heads and be like, "What kind of person are you going to meet in a bar/club?"--the implication being that only shallow, sex-starved, empty-headed losers were to be found at a gay club. And that always struck me as, well, moronic, since I knew for sure I was going to gay clubs... and while "sex-starved" might, at times, have been accurate, I definitely wasn't shallow or empty-headed. And these same friends would also go clubbing, so I'm like, "Well, you and I are out at these clubs and we aren't losers and what are you saying? That we're the only two non-loser people here? That seems highly unlikely."

    But occasionally I would get introduced to people outside the clubs who had seen me at the clubs, and it would become clear they had believed (or still did believe) that I was some kind of spaced-out twink who wasn't about much more than drinking, dancing, and looking cute.

    That used to really bug me because I hate it when people see me as something so radically different from how I see myself (I have this thing about always wanting to present myself as authentically as possible to everyone). But eventually I realized that of course they had only seen me as vapid and shallow--because of two things: (a) the environment and its activities hardly lend themselves to being able to convey any kind of personal complexity and (b) not only do people only see what they want to see, they generally only see what they're capable of seeing.

    Right now you're only capable of seeing walking, talking stereotypes--and that's okay, because it's totally normal given your situation. But it's important to realize that part of that is because you just don't have the experience with gay people to be able to see beyond all the preconceived notions that you (and everyone else on the face of the planet) have been fed from Day One.

    I used to actually be really worried about being gay because I didn't like dancing, drinking, or club music. In hindsight, this is hilarious, because after a few times at a gay club, I figured out I loved dancing, loved club music (well, actually decent club music from the 90s :icon_bigg), and was at least partially fond of drinking. But discovering these very stereotypically gay things about myself didn't convert me into any kind of gay clone. I didn't get any less smart, or less opinionated, or more slutty.

    On top of that, there are all sorts of gay bars that cater to different crowds--so maybe your friends took you to one that was frequented by people who aren't your type. There were a lot of people when I was clubbing who were like, "Oh I would never go in there--that's for OLD people." Myself, I tended to avoid (and still do) the leather and denim-type places, because that's not my scene. But just because it was a gay bar doesn't mean you were going to like what you found there--anymore than people being blindly set up with other people by their friends just because the two of you are gay is likely to work. I mean, you could go on another night and find it way more to your liking.

    The likely thing, though, is at this point, you're not going to feel comfortable in any kind of overtly gay setting. But as was pointed out earlier in the thread, there are TONS of gay sports groups in major cities, and gay square dancing groups, and gay singing groups, and gay pretty much EVERYTHING groups. Plus, I hear there's this awesome newfangled thing they call the Internet :slight_smile:, and it's particularly great for connecting with other people who tend to avoid the traditional predominantly gay locales like bars and clubs.

    Your best bet is to actually meet and get to know a bunch of different gay people ("different" being the key word there, because invariably there will be some who fit a bunch of stereotypes) and get a little experience socializing with non-jock, non-hetero people. Because some of my best friends are non-jock, non-hetero people :slight_smile: Coming out is a great time to broaden your horizons in terms of the people you hang out with. Being in gay venues or at gay events doesn't have to be an ordeal, or even nerve-wracking--it just takes a little getting used to, and you'll be in good company, because at some point or another, everyone gay has faced the kinds of situations you're facing, and more than a few have thought, initially, that they would never find any gay people like them, or gay people who could relate to them.

    For instance, going to a gay bar with supportive gay people would be a totally different experience from going with well-meaning but kinda clueless straight friends. And yeah, sure, maybe going to a gay bar will never be your thing--but it would kinda suck if you decided based on one rather atypical experience.

    I think one of the best ways to look at coming out is that it's this huge opportunity to EXPERIMENT--and no, I don't mean sexually, necessarily, although honestly I think sexual experimentation is hugely undervalued, in general and, often, on EC. But more broadly, being gay is such an amazing chance to experience life and people in this totally different way. As painful as it can be, and as frightening and anxiety-inducing, it's also this moment, or series of moments, where you get the chance to meet people you would otherwise never meet, do things you would otherwise never do, be someone you would otherwise never be. It's not always easy but well, personally, I would never trade it for anything in the world.

    It's a learning process, getting comfortable with it, so cut yourself some slack... it's not something you're expected to be an expert at from the get-go. But it can be a lot of fun if you approach it the right way.
     
  7. RaeofLite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2009
    Messages:
    1,344
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    Congrats on your intro post here first of all. You joined in October and your first post was in January... but that's alright. :slight_smile: It takes all of us different lengths of time to process things.

    I'm guessing you're not sure how to go about dating the same sex and are nervous about it because of some possible 'internal homophobia' in which society conditions everyone to "act and think heterosexually" and if we aren't following that then "something must be wrong." Am I right so far? If I am, then just ease yourself into it.

    Have you gone on dates with girls in the past? If so... it'll be like going through puberty all over again... except this time, you really, truely like the sex you're on the dates with.. Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe get in touch with gay organizations in your area. Type your city's name on google and type 'gay clubs' or 'gay organizations' or PFLAG or something like that. :slight_smile: Or be on the lookout for the rainbow in your town, look at posters in the newspapers, on billboards/walls etc. You might find some gay support organizations there as well. Or facebook...

    Just hang out with an openly gay person or two. We're normal. And you are too even if your feelings aren't the majority of the world's population. :grin:
     
  8. zzzero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    779
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm just gonna say one small thing. Going to a gay bar with straight male friends would totally make me uncomfortable too. Especially when I have known them for so long when I was identifying as straight.
    Something I found difficult was that when I came out to my friends from home, every time I came home it was weird. Not because they didnt accept me or something but because I still felt I had to hide who I really am from them still. I knew I didn't but when you've been hiding from those people for so long, it becomes second nature.
    I have never been to a gay bar, and I hear the men there are usually just looking for one-night stands, which i'm not. So I would feel really awkward there too. I'd say dont worry about it. I have met plenty of other gay guys via friends. You'll find the more people you come out to the more other gay people you will meet and see. I dunno what happened with my gaydar when I came out but I can tell from a mile away when someone who isnt the least bit stereotypical is gay.
     
  9. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First of all, hi, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile: Even if you joined up some time ago, it's good to see you start posting!

    You already got some great advice above, and I definitely agree with most of it. Coming out is scary, and even if you are out to some people, being out is awkward at first too. As Raeoflite put it, it's a lot like going through puberty again, where you need to rediscover yourself and others. Think of the positive, though. you did that once already, so you can do it again!

    Never apologise for not doing the stereotypically gay things. It isn't even the vast majority of gay people that does the stereotypical things. There's no "to do" list that comes with being gay. Now that I'm mostly out, I don't spend my days all that different from when I was closeted. I still hang out with the same friends. I still do the same sports. I still watch the same movies and hang out at the same places.
    All that's different is that people know, and I feel like I don't have to lie when they ask whether I have a girlfriend yet (in fact, some of them now try to introduce me to their other gay friends when they have the chance, which is always nice).
    Being out isn't about acting like the stereotypes on TV, it's about acting who you really are. And that might very well not include anything else than finding a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.

    Being dragged to gay bars by straight friends can be... embarassing :confused: It happened to me once when I was pretty newly out. They were having fun, while I was sitting in the corner, looking at the floor, thinking by myself "don't act gay, don't act gay, don't act gay...". It was quite horrible, really, and I was glad when we left.
    However, when I recently went again with a gay friend, it was different. We just decided to go and have a drink. It felt just like hanging out. We talked about all kind of things. Seeing other people hang out there and knowing that they went through the same things that I went through made me feel more comfortable with myself. And my friend already knew some people there. Being introduced to people by a common friend makes all the difference in being comforable.
    So, what I mean to say is: you had a bad experience, but don't let that scare you away forever either. The people you go with and their attitude play a large part in how you enjoy it.

    Being comfortable with the idea of dating also just takes time sometimes. A lot of people seem to think that after someone comes out the ####### is immediately on, but that doesn't need to be the case. Before I was out, I never allowed myself to really fall for any guys (occasionally I failed at that, but I think that betwen being 14 and 25 I only ever really crushed two times on a guy). For the longest time I was thinking I was mostly asexual. It has taken me over a year between accepting that having a boyfriend would probably happen someday, and slowly starting to feel comfortable with the idea of asking anyone out. Waiting until you're ready definitely isn't a bad thing!

    The most important thing when being newly out is, in my experience, talking about it. Talking to other people, writing about it, seeing what feedback you get is very good to explore your own thoughts and feelings. Writing on here and talking to gay people in real life makes me discover new things about myself everytime.
    So, as the others said, see if there is a GLBT group nearby, or a PFLAG chapter, or a gay sports club. You're bound to find people there, from all walks of lifen, but with the same experiences, going through the same things. It's scary going at first, but everyone there was new one day too. So they'll want to make you feel welcomed and comfortable.

    And then there's of course also the people here. If you ever have any questions, or anything bothering you, or anything else you feel like talking about, just post about it here, and I'm sure you'll get some interesting replies. If you need help in finding a GLBT group near you, I'm sure there are people here who can help you find one. Or if you want to talk without posting publicly,don't hesitate to send me or anyone else of the staff a PM!

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
  10. s5m1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2007
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Hi there and welcome to EC. The posts above gave some great advice, so I will not repeat most what has been said. I am also not the stereotypical gay guy. I drink beer, eat chicken wings and watch football. I don’t think most of us fit the stereotype. We are just guys who happen to be into other guys. By the way, for those who do fit the stereotype, there is nothing wrong with that, either.

    It was extremely important to me to talk to other gay men when I was first coming out. Talking to them and realizing I was not alone in what I was feeling helped me immensely. EC was a huge part of that, too. I read posts from other members who were feeling the same things as I was. I responded to posts and started threads about what I was feeling. I finally felt like I was not alone. It was about that time that I became much more comfortable being gay.

    I was also extremely uncomfortable the first time I stepped into a gay bar. I felt like I was the fresh catch of the day just put out at the market. The next time, though, I went with some gay friends who were helping me with my coming out process and had a great time. I now really enjoy going out to gay bars. It is great being in a place where you can actually check out a hot guy and not have to think about whether he is going to clock you for it. There are all kinds of gay bars, depending on where you are. There are some that I enjoy more than others, but that is true for straight bars also. There are also all kinds of people at these bars. You may be surprised when you start talking to them. Here is a short list of some of the guys I have recently spoken with at gay bars: several lawyers, an architect, an economist, a republican staffer, fire fighters, police officers, an FBI agent, a doctor, a judge, and numerous military officers and enlisted men, just to name a few. We are everywhere and in every walk of life. As with the entire process of your becoming more comfortable with your sexuality, give it some time. At some point, you may feel like you want to give a gay bar a try again. By the way, it sounds like you have some really special friends there!

    Good luck and please let us know how we can help.
     
  11. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    em i just wanna say, theres alot of mention about gay clubs on here just now. there is nothing wrong with these places. any stories you hear are just that usually, a story. i really enjoy the place i go to and its pretty similar to a normal niteclub except that there aint that many straight people in there. not everyone that goes there is desperate. some will be just there (like me) wanting a dance and a laugh. if you just so happen to get hit upon by an undesirable then politly say push off. if you meet someone nice then score!!
     
  12. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm so glad you found this forum. It certainly helped me get comfortable with being gay - I'm sure it will have the same impact on you.

    I'm really glad that you've got some cool and awesome friends who have been supportive. I know you appreciate them - as you should. Good friends like that are gold!

    EVERYONE is different. Straight or gay. We're all different. There is no gay lifestyle or gay look or gay way of being. I'm a gay accountant who likes sports cars (the Audi in the picture is mine!). But I'm kind of getting into shopping for clothes and I DO like going to the 'gay village' here in Toronto. As mentioned above, it's nice to be somewhere and be able to check out another guy - and know that he's cool with being checked out. I like being able to hold my boyfriend's hand, or put my arm around him, or even kiss him in public, and not worry about nasty looks.

    But that all comes in time. Give yourself a break, and just figure out what you're into. And hang out here, because we're a fun bunch who can probably help in 'showing you the ropes'.
     
  13. Beachboi92

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,099
    Likes Received:
    1
    welcome to EC :grin:

    I think it sounds like you just have to try and explore a few other outlets. Not all the gay guys hang out at gay bars and go clubbing xD In fact if you do some research i bet you could find assorted LGBT athletic groups to get involved in so that would be my suggestion.

    I think having straight friends drag you to a gay bar would be uncomfortable for anyone though xD If your gonna do it i'd go with a bunch of girls cause then you prob would feel more comfortable doing any "gay" things. I personally wish i could have as accepting straight friends as you though, most of mine have sort of left as i came out and they made up my "closest" friend circle mainly.

    Just don't worry as time progresses you will find it easier to act however "gay" you want in front of whoever :slight_smile: a lot of it is just coming out, once your out it makes you less afraid to do anything that might "give it away". I think most LGBT people find themselves being more expressive of things that would be viewed as stereotypical as they become more open simply because they don't worry about how it will reflect on them and feel more comfortable being their whole selves.

    Hell you couldn't catch me listening to pop music pre coming out now ive gone 6 months with almost nothing but lady Gaga feeding my ears haha. But you are not alone tons of gay men do very "straight" things. I personally LOVE to rock climb and will play any sport long as it is not structured in a team xD. Most of my favorite music is assorted forms of rock (although Gaga=#1), and i like video games, and drawing, and i don't really like to dance unless everyone else is to xD. None of these sorts of things are because i'm gay. we are just finding that as society becomes more accepting people are not afraid to express themselves in ways that might be construed as homo because they seem of a feminine persuasion and vice versa.

    I personally don't think gender is really a basis of anything because the existence of gender identity seems to contradict the idea of sexes being all that different. You will become more comfortable with it all as time progresses and soon fine "feminine" and "straight acting" gay guys are not all that different except in how you perceive them. I used to hate the idea of "feminine" gay guys now im close friends with one because he is just like most straight guys i know xD after all its really about the person, not who they are attracted to or how "feminine" or "masculine" they act :slight_smile: we are all just people and the Gay community is just like the straight one only a smaller version that is more open about who they are imo.
     
  14. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    you're coming out sounds a lot like mine. There is nothing about me that says, "gay," either. When I first told a group of friends they all thought I was joking. Since then I'm affectionately to as the Gay Walker: all of their strength none of their weaknesses.
    I still haven't told my best friend yet, so I know that feeling of "holy crap!"
    But, if I've learned anything since accepting my homosexuality is that the steriotype seems like it only fits a handful of us.