For me, being in the closet I built up a foundation of lies and excuses to explain why I wasn't going out with girls. I've moved around a lot over the last few years and its worked pretty well because in the end I've been able to reuse excuses. Well, I've been in the same place for a while now and in November I began to feel that it was getting harder and trickier to keep up the lies and excuses. Well, Saturday it all came crashing down. After a series of events I ran out of excuses, I can't come up with any more that will work or make sense. There are now at least seven people (all good friends) who I need to come out to the next time I see them. I told the first person yesterday via text and then we went out for coffee and chatted for a long time (about completely different stuff). When I got back to my place afterwards I felt happier than I ever remember feeling and for the first time ever I felt a little pride in who I was. It was incredible! Then the general anxiety about having to tell more people set in and I've been paranoid since (although also incredibly excited). I think though that when I think about coming out to my close friends its not the prospect of telling them that I'm gay that worries me as I'm sure they will all be fine with that, it's the prospect of telling them that I've been lying to them for so long that scares me. I'm more afraid that they'll stop hanging out with me because they feel like I didn't trust them enough. Anyways, I'm hoping to have some good news to share soon.
First thing, congratulations for coming out to a friend yesterday Now, I am sure that the friends you are about to come out are going to understand what you have been through. I think that instead of being mad at your for not telling them sooner, they are going to be proud that you trust them enought to tell them now. But if one of them ask you why you haven't told them sooner, I think that you can answer that you had to come to terms with your sexuality and to feel comfortable with it before being able to tell anyone. I'm sure they'll understand. Take care, Eleanor
I think most people will understand that you just weren't ready to tell people. I came out late, and I never once had anyone say "why did you keep it from me for so long" or anything like that... if they do, it will more be like "I wish you didn't have to live with not telling anyone that long." Really i think you'll be surprised at how supportive friends can be.
Congratulations on coming out to that one friend! Just focus on the good feeling, and not on the anxiety. Friends always managed to surprise me. I really feared they woud think I didn't trust them (especially since a few of my friends came out to me years ago already, which made it pretty impossible to doubt how accepting they are). But in the end, they completely understood that it just takes some time coming to terms with yourself, and that a premature coming out would have led to more anxiety rather than less. So don't be afraid! I'm sure they'll take it well, and after that, it will be as if you always were out to them to begin with!
I did it (came out to six people)! It took about 20 min to psyche myself up to say "I'm gay" and about 20 min before I could speak again. The response was laughs (in a good way) and "who cares". When I'm finished with the other people I'll post a full story but so far the response has been amazing! In fact, when I told them I think they took it much better than I did! It's still a long uphill battle until I can get to the point of being 'proud' of who I am, but now I know the support is there.
I am so totally happy for you! You took a big step, and you got big rewards! You've got some great friends, too. It's obvious that like they like you for who you are, so hang on to them!
Congratulations! It's always nice to see who your true friends are, sounds like you've got a good group around you
Congratulations! That's really awesome! And don't worry about the pride. It will come. As more people are okay with it, so will you be!
Congratulations! Like you, I found it hard to keep up the lies and excuses and finally came out to my close friend and his gf last year. it also took me 10 minutes to cough up the words "i'm gay". whenever i want to say it, i just siezed up. However, the good news is that the first one is always the hardest. it usually gets easier. i have the same issue of being afraid of telling other friends coz it sort of signals that i wasnt trusting them enough to not tell them that i am gay. but it gets better now, i can tell more and more ppl as i get happier and more confident as i live my life more openly good luck in coming out to other ppl in the future
Reading your story has been good for me. It shows to me I don't have to worry about things like lack of trust for not telling people sooner cause they know you have to come to terms with who you are before you proclaim it to the world. I'm glad things have been positive for you!:eusa_clap
Wow, I feel the same. Ive lied to my parents so many times and im just scared theyll be mad i lied about liking guys when i dont. I've given hints to them before, like for instance when my mom asked if i liked any guy from school and i said no theyre all in a relationship. She then said would you prefer me to say do you have any girlfriends. And i said yes i have many girlfriends. She then said "i meant as in a relationship" then the convo ended lol. Im coming out tonight and am excited. Once my parents know ill pretty much be out to everything good luck dood
Great to hear! I hope it goes as good as mine went. After I came out to my closest friends, absolutely nothing changed! They treated me the exact same way, we talked about the exact same things. It was just like "oh, whatever... so are you coming over tomorrow?" Good luck, I'm sure your parents will understand!
Yeah. My mom probably will, but im not sure about my dad. Alot of people see him as a homophobe, hes said to me a million time that he hates the neighbours because theyre gay. I find it stupid and he's also jealous of the neighbour because he's closer to my mom than my dad is. My dad's a complete ass and if he starts anything tonight and crosses the line, im calling the cops and yeah... But either way, my moms gonna find out im a proud lesbian ^.^
