In my mind, 2009 will always be the year when I stopped lying to myself and others and finally started the coming-out process. Over the course of the year, I came out to most friends, my mother and my brother. That did leave quite a few people in the dark though, including my colleagues at work and my judo clubmates After the events of last week, it seems like I dynamited most of the closet away in just a few days, so it seems to be time for another thread to give you two stories from the week of coming out! Excuses for the length in advance. Brevity isn't my strongest point... Coming out at work: Maybe it’s best to start with a short background. I work as an engineer for a biotech company. The site I work at is a production facility. On a daily basis, I work together with three other engineers (plus one boss), and, of course, with other departments, manual labourers, management etc… When I started working, I wasn’t out to anyone, so the thought of coming out at work never crossed my mind. However, as I came out to more and more people at home, and simultaneously got along better and better with my colleagues, I did seriously start entertaining the idea that I might eventually trust them with this piece of information about myself. It would make it easier to chip into discussions about non-work life, instead of playing the pronoun and avoidance games that I got pretty tired of by now. Now, the previous weekend, I got into a bit of a fight with my mother. There were several reasons for the fight, but me being gay was certainly a factor that led to the situation blowing up. I was, quite understandably, pretty distraught about this, and the other engineers picked up on this. I mentioned that I was having some problems at home and just left the reasons why vague. The next day, however, they asked how I was doing at home. I started thinking about how I could tell a story that was mostly true, while leaving out a few key details, but after one or two sentences, I realised that if there ever was a perfect moment to come out, this was it! So I just told them all about what was bothering me. Using the phrase “I’m gay” was part of that They took it really well! They were really surprised (which, in turn, surprised me. I was convinced they were already having suspicions), but they didn’t really care at all, and appreciated me being honest. There was a slightly awkward silence at first, but they did ask some more questions during the rest of the day. We even ended up wondering who the other gays at work are (it’s hard to believe that of a 100 colleagues, me and one lesbian girl are the only ones). So in the end, I’m pretty happy about it. I’m not out to all my colleagues yet, but at least having my immediate colleagues know is a huge load off my shoulders. I’m guessing I’mm going to wait a bit before telling anyone else, but it’s good to have made a start! Coming out to sports buddies: One group of friends I never told were my judo clubmates. We’re pretty good friends even outside of practice and I do end up in the pub with them on occasion. But I never got around to coming out to them yet. Standing naked in the changing room every week tends to make me shy away from telling them I appreciate the male body rather more than the female body So, I was content to just never mention my sexuality to them. It seemed easier that way. Until last Friday, after a visit to the swimming pool (we do try to keep in shape outside judo practice), we ended up in the pub, and after a few drinks (they drunk beer, I stuck to my usual lemonade), the topic turned to relationships. And then one of them just asked me point-blank: “Why don’t we ever hear about your girlfriends or boyfriends?” The way he intoned it, it was pretty clear that he didn’t even consider girlfriends an option for me. I must have looked quizzically, because he clarified: “Well, I always did have the impression you were… bisexual”. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter at how he was backpedalling on calling me gay, and I just flat-out said: “Okay, since you’re dying to know; I’ll confirm your suspicions: I’m gay!” And that was that, basically. We talked a lot about it lots, but in the end, it didn’t feel awkward. It was just another conversation topic. Apparently some of them had been wondering about me for more than a year now. And interestingly enough, they thought I already knew that another member was bisexual (apparently I’m just blind to public secrets…) Practice the next day went without any awkwardness that I could detect, and if people felt uncomfortable around me in the changing room, they certainly didn’t make it noticeable. All in all, I’m having trouble thinking of reasons I didn’t tell them before. So, in the end, the week was pretty exciting. It went past like a whirlwind, and it seems that I’m now out to some 10 more people. All I really need to get started on is breaking the news to extended family, but I'll see when I manage to get to that point. Again, I do feel like I owe you guys a lot of thanks. Even though circumstances were favourable this week, I would have never grabbed my chance if it weren’t for the confidence I developed on here! (*hug*)
That made me smile from ear to ear Filip! The story about your sports buddies put me in a great mood! Congrats!!!
Fantastic Filip. You're a lucky dude. It's nice being honest with more and more people isn't it? I know the feeling as I'm living that too.
I'm so glad things are working out for you! It's especially great to hear how your colleagues are taking this news. There really are a lot more mature level-headed people out there than haters. I can see how this place can bring about positive change for people. You said you would have never grabbed the chance if it weren't for the people on here. Well, I'm thinking it's stories like yours that will finally get me to come clean with the world. So thanks for sharing your enthusiasm!
Sounds great!!! We make it a bigger deal than most other people ever will. I'm glad to hear this all went well.
First off..Congratulations on telling your friends..thats fantastic :icon_bigg When we spend so much of our time trying to keep up our own ruse..we sometimes miss what is staring us right in the face..you aren't alone :lol:
Great job Filip! Congtats. I hope I can at some point come out at work. Once I do my closet door will be shut and it will be empty for good.
This is a good thing to hear. It shows me that pretty much all people are decent people. I'm glad it went so well for you Filip
Sounds like a good weeks work to me. I've yet to meet someone who hasn't been accepting about me being gay - most people are even flattered when they ask me what they are on my gay hotness scale and I give them an honest answer .
Nice one Filip. Work collegues can seem to be the toughest at times. You didn't chose them like friends, and you don't know them like friends generally, so wondering what the hell they are going to say/do when they find out is quite a scary prospect. And considoring that you probably spend more time with workmates than anyone else (except your partner or family if still at home) its pretty damn important that they don't make your life difficult. Lucky you that they are so cool with it!
Wow, that's a lot of congratulations! Thanks all! After all of this, I really feel like I'm lucky to have such a great group of people in my life. I lost one friend, but I gained a lot more by being open to the 35 or so other people I told. I guess it proves that all that kept the door closed really was my own fears. It suddenly strikes me that the really tough parts of coming-out are almost over. Most coming-outs from here will just be informing new people when it comes up. I still have family (especially grandparents) to go, but otherwise, I'm running out of groups of people to tell. Not that that's a bad thing... :icon_bigg
