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Coming out at 62

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by panda, Aug 23, 2007.

  1. panda

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    To you young guys 62 may seem ancient but in some ways i stopped growing when I buried my gayness when I was 15.But about today I mentioned it to my therapist last week,the first time I'd really thought about it and actually owned it.And since that time I've been walking with a swagger to my step I just feel more like me.And I don't really know who that is.But what an incredible journey it's going to be.I'm very excited and very scared.I admire the courage of you guys to talk about it and act on it
    Here's one part of my story.When I was 15 after the first gym class that I'd ever had after my first week in high school we got into the shower and I got A great erection I didn't know what to do, I was incredibly embarrassed the guys looked and kidded me.At that time there was no thoughts of gay stuff we were all nice middle class boys from the nice west end of Toronto and homosexuality didn't exist.So if I look back and think about the % thing there was at least one other gay guy in that shower lol Glad to be on EC today.(!) :smilewave
     
  2. beckyg

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    I know a nice guy in Texas I could fix you up with. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Time

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    I think it's cool when older people come out, as I think a lot of times it's more difficult for them, especially accepting it. Congratulations :slight_smile:
     
  4. panda

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    Thanks Becky.The border and I aren't on good terms something about an old dope bust from many years ago.Recently a college professor from Canada who has been going back and forth across the border for 25 years got stopped at the border and they did a web search on him and it turned out he had done some acid with Timothy Leary over 25 years ago and he couldn't let him in.Hmm Ive always wanted to go to Texas.Ride the range.Punch those cows Yipee!!
     
  5. beckyg

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    Oh darn. Well I hope you find the love of your life up there in Canada. At 62, it's about time! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Paul_UK

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    62 is definitely not too late! There are loads of people who never accept the truth for their entire lives. You have plenty of life to live yet, so make the best of it!
     
  7. panda

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    Thanks Paul.The way I figure it I have about 30 fantastic years ahead of me.If I think that for the past 40 years I have been hiding and covering and basically being pretty insane,imagine the creativity that will flow with my new freedom.I know that I have a lot to learn and still probably a bunch of pain at times.It is particularily energizing to have E.C.to letoutmy thoughts(!)
     
  8. Paul_UK

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    Look at some of our other older members, such as Lorenz and Jim1454 have quickly settled into being gay and socialising etc (Jim is also in Toronto, by the way). Unlike some of our younger members you have your independence so can be who you really are easier than those who have to constantly lie to family and at school etc.

    You probably also have the more pragmatic "I don't really care what other people think" view that I think many people gradually develop as we progress through life (we do not feel the need to conform and fit in with our peers as younger people do), which again should be one less barrier.

    Against that though there could be the issue that many of your friends are of a similar age, so perhaps from a generation where homosexuality was less accepted than it is to younger generations. Though with age and experience they may have more acceptance of diversity generally, so won't be that bothered.

    Go for it - and keep us informed. :slight_smile:
     
  9. panda

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    To add a little more about this coming out.I've mentioned it to my therapist and a glbt that I talked to.I haven't mentioned it to the woman that I've lived with for 22 years.We have a pleasant platonic relationship .When I "came out" I felt a flush of sexuality that I haven't felt in years.I enjoyed it a lot.And it brings a whole new world of enjoyment to life.Just walking down the and thinking."IS he gay?" Everyone looked so good.I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.That constant feeling of being a sexual being.Wow!Then I started reading in EC "You gotta tell your wife,You gotta be honest,you'll never be free until that person knows" so now my wonderful love machine side has withered.I'm living now in the space of a cheater and liar.Shit I only had a week of good solid gay fantasies to carry with me as I move along on the next stage of this adventure.lol.
     
  10. Kat22

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    Whoa, coming out at 62! Congratulations!!! Just wanted to drop a note to say how proud and excited I am for you!!!

    I am a little confused about your most recent post however. You said you feel as though you are now "living in the space of a cheater and liar," yet the woman you live with, you have a platonic relationship with. Sounds to me as though it would just be similar to, if not the exact same as, telling a roommate. . .
     
  11. jayden

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    im worried about telling my mum and even more so my dad becuase he hates gay people. im 16yrs 7months now and i first told a couple of my mates about a year ago??? i think it was about a year ago and my 13yo brother knows im gay also. i told peter another mate on sunday and i found it easier now. maybe telling more people it becomes easier. its good that you have told some one now even at your age 62
     
  12. beckyg

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    Jayden, you and others need to remember, that you are your parents' child FIRST. Gay is only a small portion of the person that you are. This is what usually changes hearts and minds of parents. It's different when it is your own child. When you discover one of your children is gay, it opens your mind to others who may be different also. So keep that in mind.
     
  13. panda

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    Thanks Kat,Thanks Jaydon.The support of EC is very important.Today I saw my therapist she was happy that I'd got in touch with this Rainbow thing here that's connected to CAMH which is a government thing that covers medical costs.[M=Mental,H=health]great country Canada.Anyway I talked to this guy on the phone and he tells me that Rainbow is mainly for chemically dependent people.So that's not an avenue.I went to the older GLBT group at 519 Church[a gay Referral place and couldn't connect.It seems that after my initial glow of sensual freedom and self assurance that I've drifted back into the closet.
    Then the last bump was the E-mail from my smoking councilor,who helped me go from 50 cigs a day to none.He also does coming out stuff with young people.We've kept in touch by E-mail and I considered him a friend.I had E-mailed him last week and told him of my coming out.He said "So glad that life is going well."I guess and hoped for more support.
    When I click on my computer and get that EC blue screen I feel relaxed and hopeful.:smilewave :smilewave
     
  14. jayden

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    hi beckyg, im having trouble reading your answer. i dont under stand what it means. i have read it a few times but still cant under stand. i find reading hard and get the words in a mess sort of. do you mean i am my parents 1st child??? or the parents put there child first??? im sorry but i have read your answer many times but dont under stand it. can you answer it again to me in easy sort of way. thanks jayden
     
  15. beckyg

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    Wow, ethene I didn't even notice. Thanks!

    Jayden, I guess my answer was kind of confusing. Sorry. What I mean was that alot of people make stupid homophobic gay remarks UNTIL they find out their own child is gay. So when you hear these remarks from your parents, just try to focus on the fact that your parents do love you and most likely that these comments will stop after you come out.
     
  16. jayden

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    hi beckyg i under stand it now. like my dad is always saying bad things about gay men but maybe he doesnt mean it also??? when i tell him i under stand now that he might feel bad that he has said bad things about gay men??? my mum and dad do love me and i love them also so i hope every thing will be ok one day when i tell dad!!!
     
  17. katmando

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    I think its really great that you have found happiness. I think a lot of people are unhappy with a lot of things in life and live there whole life being unhappy. Whether it be marriage or a job or struggle with there sexuality.

    Its great that you enjoying life now and are happy. Your story helps inspire me. You are still a young gun in my book and have a good spirit. 62 age seems pretty middle aged to me anyway.

    Thanks for posting what you did!
     
  18. panda

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    Thanks Kat:thumbsup: (!) :thumbsup: