I need to tell you this...

:eusa_clap
Much of that echoes what I went through. I was in denial for so long because I didn't want to be gay. I really didn't. Finally when I sat down and literally told myself, "stop it. You're gay," I cried. I found EC less than a week later.

 

I see, you finally had your epiphany.
Congrulations! (*hug*)

 

Congrats! You took a huge step. Pat yourself on the back.

 

Ahhh James...........thanks for sharing that. I'm sure most of the people here have felt that way at one time or the other. It is my dream that parents will someday teach their children when they are young that whatever sexual orientation or gender identity that they are, it will be OKAY with them. It would spare alot of anguish. Congratulations on your break through and let me know if I can be of help in coming out to your parents.

 

James, thanks for sharing that with us. I also went through similar feelings, and they were really intense. As part of the coming out process, many of us go through the five stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It sounds like that is what you have been experiencing. Once you get to acceptance and come out, life as a gay man can actually be a lot of fun. Congratulations on this big step!

 

I think crying is one of the most... important things we have the ability to do and I honestly think none of us do it anywhere near enough.

I can think of two times in my life where I've cried as you've described--happily neither time was about being gay. But I often wish I could cry like that more.

 

(*hug*)

 

(*hug*) That had to be a HUGE emotional jeap for you. Letting it all out helps sometimes.

 

Thank you for posting that. As others have said, I've felt very much the same way. Thus my New Years' resolution.

 

Thanks for telling your story! It's odd sometimes how epiphanies like these can happen and make a change. Figuring out that you can make the change you need in your life (and not society, or parents, or anyone else) is very liberating indeed.

I also never cease being amazed at how different some people react to the same realisation. When I finally realised it was OK to be gay, I couldn't help but laugh as if I finally got the end of a joke someone told me a long time ago... So almost the exact inverse of your reaction. As the saying goes, there's many roads that lead to Rome, though.

You can do what you need to do! Don't hurry too much, though. Having a plan is already half of the work.
In any case, it's good that you found us to share the load and make strides forward!

 

Thanks for sharing this with us James (*hug*) (*hug*).
You can't imagine how much what you said about your "inner child" touches me. We have different journey, but I deeply can relate to that. It took me years and a long therapy to finaly be able to take the little girl inside me by the hand and to tell her that she wasn't responsible for things that happened to her.
Forgiving and accepting oneself can be a long and difficult process. I'm happy you've come to the realization it was ok for your inner child to be who he is. And I'm happy you've found EC and that you are comfortable enought among us to share that very intimate part of your process.
Many (*hug*), Cécile

 

Damn you just made me cry too.

 

Wow. That's a very moving post that you've made here. That kind of self awareness is something that many people never exerpience in their life. What an amazing emotional release that was for you.

Thanks for sharing.

 

Thanks for sharing! I can relate to a lot of what you went through. Since I hit puberty I've drifted between anger, denial, depression and bargaining, never reaching acceptance and I can't remember a time in my life where I wasn't angry, in denial, depressed or trying desperately to bargain with God so He'd change me. Finally I broke down. I was watching the clips of ATWT with Luke and Noah and on the show Luke asked Noah something like 'how's does it end, [if you pretend to be straight]? That broke me and after I thought about it for a day I realized that staying in the closet I definitly end up unhappy and depressed, if I come out there is at least a chance of happiness. So I came out to myself and it was the most incredible feeling in the world. Thank you for sharing, I hope everything goes well for you, I'm sure it will be hard but it will definitly be better.

 

James, having just joined up I find myself bumping into your posts frequently. I wonder if you know what a treasure your presence already is....

I can't want for for more !!!

 

Simply wonderful :eusa_clap Thank you for sharing that, James. It's been said in several responses but I too feel as though what you posted reflects what many of us have felt. I'm at work so had to keep myself from crying :icon_wink I think that when I realised it was ok to be gay I didn't laugh nor cry too much. All I did was change my perspective, the way I acted towards people and how I look. The realisation that it's ok to be gay in my oppinion is much like a rose bud opening up into a rose..you can finally be who you were born to be. (I know..corny but it's how I look at life)

Amazingly I have the same New Year's resolution..haha

 

Wow! great to know you've made it over the hump there. There always seems to be that one thing we have hardest time letting go of, but once we do it's a flood.

All that crying cleanse you that emotonal toxin you've been holding inside you for so long.

Glad to see you've found a path for yourself.

 

Nice job, James. So much of what you describe is my story as well. I look forward to more of your posts matt