Destroying the Door

I can't even think of anything to say about this. It brings a tear to my eye not only that something like this happened with your father, but more that your mother and siblings were there for you and finally stood up. I really hope the best for you, and congratulations on having a mother and siblings who love you so much. (*hug*)

 

I seriously just started crying reading this. It is really sad yet happy at the same time. I'm very happy for you that you were finally able to do it and you didn't care what anyone thought and you stood your ground. That takes so much courage and can take years to do. I don't really know what else to say except congratulations I can only imagine how liberating it must felt for you to get that out, and to stand up to your father. It made me so happy that your mom took you out for ice cream afterward Again awesome job and thanks for sharing! I hope things with your father will get better.

 

Oh my god.... I was shaking with tears in my eyes reading this.

(*hug*) x 1000

I hope you're feeling better... and I hope that's the worst of the storm for you. Things will take a while to cool down (most likely) but I'm glad that you're loved. And I think that even though your mom is shocked, she reacted swimmingly. Dad... er... no offense, but he needs some sort of release for his anger.

Nonetheless, thankyou for sharing your story and I wish you well in the rest of coming out. Life's quite nice when you can be honest with people close to you.

Also, feel free to chat me up or befriend me. I'm always willing to chat.

 

I pray you will continue to get the support you need and deserve. I'm not sure what to think of your dad - whether or not he will come around. In any case, you sound resilient and able to transcend the abuse. You come through this landing on your feet.

 

Congrats on coming out!! I'm sorry to hear about your father. I just don't understand how anyone can that much anger in their heart.

 

Wonderfully inspiring story, sir. Congratulations! I hope things calm down soon!

 

That's an incredible story. I'm happy that you and your mom stood up for you. I'm seriously amazed at how awesome your mom is. As for your dad, well I hope he comes to realize how stupid he's been about this. None the less, congrats on coming out!!

 

I have to admit that I started to sob at this. Not only did you stand up to your father but by this brave act you were able to push your mother to face her demons and finally stand up to him as well. Don't worry, your father will someday come around. I can't imagine being as strong as you were if my father were to call me those names when I came out to my parents. You are a very strong guy and this will get you far in life! Keep up the strength and you will definitely weather the storm!

 

Congrats on your coming out! My eyes are watering now. You and your mom are a pillar of strength. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. He has no excuse for what he did. I hope he turns around. Give him some time.

 

Wow. Here: (*hug*) You sound like you need it.

Both you and your mother are amazing for standing up to him like that.

 

Whoa...

You have no idea how much of an impact your story has made on me. I am speechless, my eyes are watering, and I'm feeling like I need to share some of the pain and the joy of what you've just been through. (*hug*) I hope you can feel that!

You, sir, have given me a new definition for the word "courage". What you did took a ton of courage, and I don't know where you found it. You just stood up for yourself against the biggest bully in your life, and you won! Anytime you feel down or you're questioning yourself, just remind yourself of what you did this day. You have a deep well of strength inside of you which is going to serve you well through the rest of your life.

Your mother is a saint, and if I could buy her flowers right now (and a new vase), I would. For all the faults of your father, your mother's unconditional love makes up for them times 10. You now have a chance at a new relationship with your mother on a higher plane, the kind that will make you best friends for life. I also think you'll have an openness that will help you through any other tough times in your life, including further exchanges with your father. She just gave you the green light to build a lifelong bond with her that many children will never have, so take her up on it.

It may still be unclear where this leaves her with respect to your homosexuality, and I wouldn't let it rest. She has opened the door and proven that you have nothing to fear in talking to her, and I would continue the dialogue. If she's totally accepting of your sexuality, then invite her into your world and give her reassurance that she has a strong son who will make good choices and involve her along the way. If you sense that she stood up for you out of genuine love for you but might be conflicted about your sexuality, I would help her through her own understanding process. Tell her about this part of you. Tell her your hopes and dreams and let her know you will be happy as a gay man. Point her to resources like PFLAG in case she has any questions, and tell her you're willing to talk to her about her questions so she can come to an understanding, an "enlightenment" if you will.

As for your father, my baser instincts tell me that you should never talk to him again until and unless he apologizes to you, and I mean an apology that comes from the heart. This man clearly has problems and it is absolutely unfair for him to be taking them out on you (although unfortunately not uncommon).

But you also have an opportunity to be better than him and to lead by example (the irony of the son teaching the father is not lost on me). So you might want to be firm but fair by leaving the door just slightly open for him to come back into your life. The key is to be resolute in your position - "I'm gay, deal with it." If and when he does deal with it and come to accept it, you may just be able to reforge a relationship with him. You may also play a role in turning around the life of a bitter man who's probably not getting much out of life right now anyway.

If not, then too bad for him; it's his loss. I feel sorry that he's going to waste away the rest of his days as a bitter bigot with a small heart, but I also believe that people have to want to be helped to deserve it. If there's any ray of light in his sad story, it will be the irony that you, his son, turned out to be a better person than him. That, my friend, is the sweetest justice you can serve!

Your story has touched me deeply and I'm sure it will touch many others. I have to end by thanking you for sharing it so openly and honestly. This can't be easy for you, but just by telling your story you are making a difference to others. When the credits roll at the end of my coming out story, your name is going to be there in bold!!

 

Amazing story.. I swear.. I had to hold back the tears. It's incredible that you have such a supportive mother and siblings. And congrats for standing up to your father the way you did..don't think I could have if that were me. I hope things work out well for you (*hug*) (*hug*)

 

HOLY CRAP sorry but that was just EPIC I mean that was brilliant, you came out to your parents which is never easy so well done(!) and you are one brave SOB for standing up to your dad like that I hope every thing gets better in your house GOOD LUCK

 

Aww honey (*hug*) (*hug*) I am so sorry things didn't went well with your father.
I can't even imagine how much courage it must have taken to you to told your parents knowing that your father might react this way (*hug*)
You can be very proud of yourself.
I am glad that you mother stood up to your father and is supportive. She must be an amazing woman.
I wish you all the best and I hope that your father will finaly come around with your sexuality.
Take care of yourself

 

You've already helped other people here by sharing your story. It really is inspiring.

I'm sorry that your dad reacted the way he did. It really isn't acceptable to hit someone at any time, for any reason. And to hit your own son for such a stupid reason is totally unacceptable and warrants an asault charge being laid. People get arrested for doing that kind of thing. Your father needs a wake up call to figure out that his behaviour isn't right.

I'm with JamesENL. I wouldn't have anything to do with someone who hit me and didn't apologize for it. They don't deserve to be a part of my life - and would therefore be excluded.

 

I agree with Jim1454 on this. I commend what you did and applaud your mother. Her initial reaction was overcome by her love for you, and she came to your defense. I am sure your siblings will stand by you too.

I am, however, still worried by your angry and irrational father. He is simply not very enlightened, but we have seen this thing before. He may continue to be self righteous and possibly "act out" again.

I want to be sure that you have a backup plan in case things do not improve. See a counselor at school, or make arrangements for a place to sleep for the night if anything further threatens you. Even have a talk with the authorities so they are not caught napping. You may or may not have an easy time with talking to them, they may have their prejudices too. But they should be held accountable for their professionalism and given, for starters, the benefit of the doubt.

But the police may be a last resort. He may already be getting over it.
Do you have other family or friends that you could go to if necessary, and maybe in the middle of the night?

I agree with what everyone said about your courage. You were right to say and do what you did. Now lets make sure that things improve from this point forward. You are a gutsy guy and I admire you.