I have just begun the process of coming out. At this point, 9 trusted colleagues and my wife know that I am gay. I am attending a 3-day conference and have begun noticing something new. In the past, if I felt an attraction towards another man my anxiety would spike and I'd go out of my way to avoid the person for fear of "giving something away." I'm finding that now I can tell myself that what I'm feeling is normal and healthy and part of who I am. And I am okay hanging out with the person at this conference I find attractive. I suppose at some point in this process I won't have to think about these things at all. But it is a relief to let go of some of the anxiety and stress being closeted has caused me in the past.
You've been thinking that way for a long time, those feelings won't just go away over night, but given time they will.
I think what you're feeling is a good thing! This is the turning of the tables from the fear of being found out to the nervous anticipation of a new freindship (or more). It probably was a good thing all along, but your reaction was what made it into a bad experience. This is probably one of the big benefits of the "new you". I do think it says a lot about how deep you were in the closet and how far you've come so quickly. You have nothing to fear from your attraction to another man - in fact you should learn to enjoy it! It's going to make you one heck of a lot of fun to be around during conferences! :icon_wink
You're going through your 'real' puberty. At least that's how I see it. I'm going through it too. I'm on year two of it. You're feelings are natural and even if you are in your 40s, it's better that you're honest and open about yourself, with yourself and to others than never at all.