I admire you for having the courage to come out to your wife. Your account of how you handled it bought tears to my eyes. I imagine the reason it made me cry is because although I am not a Reverend I am in much Worsdingfthe same predicament as you. I find myself disinterested in everything that should make me happy. I love my wife & do NOT want to risk doing anything that might come between us. This leaves me wanting to be with another guy again, but I can't see myself cheating on her. Before we were married about 11 years ago I told her that I strongly thought that I was bi. She seemed to accept it well, but not a word has been said (by her or me) about it. She probably thinks it was just a phase I was going through, but now it is over. I said it has not been mentioned again, but I have told her "jokingly" when she comes back from the store or her mother's house, that I just barely had time to get my girl (or boyfriend) out the back door before she got home. She does not respond when I "unintentionally" mention the part about my "boyfriend". Maybe I am at the age (60) where I should just accept my life as it is, but I feel I will want to be with another man (again as I am no virgin to M/M sex)) for the remainder of my life. Does anybody have suggestions on how to handle this dilemma? Thanks in advance, Dale
Hi Dale and welcome to EC I hope you'll be able to find some answers to your question on here, and I am sure you'll find some support I can't really answer your question based only on what you said, but I guess that you're wife knows you're bisexual (as you have told her) but maybe she is choosing to ignore the fact she knows because she is scared of what it might implies (as for exemple for you to want an open relationship, or the possibility that you could cheat on her with a man, or leave her for a man). On the other hand, you haven't told her that you're gay, but that you're bisexual. She might just assume that you are sexualy attracted to both gender, but that when you married her you choose to be faithful to her, and by this giving up on other person you could be involved with, men or women. Now the question is, what do you want ? Are you still in love with your wife in a romantic way or do you only have a strong affection for her ? Do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with a man, or would you consider having an open relationship with your wife that could imply for you to have relationships with men on the side of it ? I think that these are the kind of questions you should ask yourself, and on the top of it : What will make you happy ? Take care, Eleanor
Eleanor is right. What will make you happy? While this question on the surface sounds selfish, it is not. Sure, if what makes you happy changes with the weather and you're constantly moving in different directions, maybe you shouldn't put too much stock in the question. If, however, was are talking about fundamental needs and desires, the question is very important. I tried suppressing these desire for 36 years, through 15 years of marriage. I became very unhappy, to the point of considering death a better object. I do not believe this is how God intends anyone to live. And no, facing such choices is not easy but the alternative is a dead-end. At this point I have to trust that getting to the other side of this will be worth it. I truly believe that it will be.
I personally think that if you can fulfill the commitment you made to your wife when you married her, you should. If you were gay, I can't say I would give you the same advice since your marriage would likely be based on a lie and perpetuating a lie isn't something I would advise. That being said, your profile says you are bisexual, (which we will assume your wife knows) and you are attracted to her to some extent. Since you did commit yourselves to each other until death, and your marriage is not based on some fake image you want to project, I would suggest you continue with your married life and do your best to stay faithful. Remember, love is not a feeling. True love, unlike passing emotions and feelings, is not fickle. Love is a choice, and one that can (and should) entail some sacrifice. I realize that I barely know you, but since you did ask for everyone's thoughts, that is my two cents. Hope you are able to reach some peace over this .
Well, I'll play devil's advocate here and say if the marriage is not pleasing you, if your wife is not pleasing you, then it's time to leave the relationship if it's because you can't emotionally connect and harbor those needed feelings of affection and be satisfied. If you have kids, fulfill your vow and help your family. Leaving the house is one thing, abandoning your family is another. Do what makes you happy but know the consequences of your actions. Keep your head held and high and never make regrets. (*hug*)
I want to thank everybody that replied to my post. After reading all of you replies I have decided that since my wire and I have such a good relationship, that I would be a fool to risk it. I will always want to be with a man again, but I can just have one OR the other. If something were to happen to her (God forbid) or our marriage were to end for some reason I would definitely never get married again. Instead I would seek out a man (or men) to live the remainder of my life with as I love sucking dick & swallowing cum. Thank you everyone, Dale
