Forced Out

Best thing is to be honest with yourself and your parents, if your unsure about what you are and how you feel then tell them that.

I had a similar thing happen to me, my mom opended up hotmail and it hadnt signed me out and she saw some email notifications from a gay teen forum that i used to goto. She asked me the next day if i was gay which made me full on panic because i wasnt sure, i didnt know if i was gay and still dont, so thats what I told her. I said no i wasnt gay or straight but i might be i just really dont know at the moment. we had a lenghty conversation after, that let me know that if i needed to talk she would be there.

Just reasure your parents about the usual things like, your still the son they know, that its not their fault, that no matter what you are in the end it cant be changed and that its normal etc. but most of all let them know you need the time and space to figure everthing out by yourself and that when you are ready you will come to them at let them know whats going on.

But also realise you now have an opening to talk about your sexuality and the confusion your going through with your parents but dont do anything your not comfortable with.

 

I'm going to say that you need to do this on your own schedule, not anyone else's, even your parents. It won't do either of you any favors if you are stuck trying to explain yourself to them and you don't even know who or where you are - that could be anything from awkward to detrimental. I strongly believe in a logical order that things should happen, and the first thing should be you getting comfortable with your own sexuality; then you can start dealing with others.

By the way, when I say "others" I'm referring to those outside of your support network, i.e. those that might not take it well or be able to support you through your own period of self-discovery. If you think your parents will be your allies in your own process and would be supportive and favorable to your own journey of self-exploration before you can fully explain yourself to them, then I'd say to engage them at any point. But if you feel that you'll be stuck trying to explain or justify something you can't quite get your head around yet, that could make it all the more difficult.

So if this isn't the right time for them to know, I'd go into a stalling mode to buy yourself time. Anything from "little white lies" to denial, or if you have a more understanding relationship with them, just telling them that you're not sure yourself and you need some time to figure it out and you promise that you'll engage them when the time is right. However you do it, give yourself the room to make this journey on your own schedule.

 

Great story. Serendipity that it came out as it did. Enjoy the journey! You may want to remind yourself that what you are doing is teaching all of us how to love beyond labels.

 

I think you should just be completely honest with them. Tell them how you feel about all this and that you're not completely sure about your sexuality yet. But also tell them that when you wanna talk to them again about it, that it will be on your terms and when you're ready.

 

It's hard, but they have the thought in their mind now at least, and they'll probably continue to ask questions. You mentioned them asking why you are attracted to guys, so I wanted to give you an answer to a similar question. Parents will often ask "how do you know you're gay/bi/etc?" A good answer, in my opinion, is "The same way you know you're straight." It gives them something to compare to.

On a random side note, and let's not start this here so as not to steal the thread, but I think a thread of "common answers to hard questions" would be great. Maybe there is one already. I suppose I should look

 

It's definitely not fun being outed, least of all to parents. And especially not if you're not ready. But such is the situation as it is. And the only way out is through.

I doubt your parents want to make you feel uncomfortable. They probably just want to make sure you're okay, understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and come to grips with it themselves. With all negative stereotypes about gay people floating around, it's really no surprise they're confused about finding out you might be into boys.

If you don't feel comfortable about having conversations about why you like boys, then it's probably just best to have one conversation about how you'r still trying to deal with this yourself. Just tell them smething like:
"Mom and dad, I'm stil coming to grips with this myself. I like that you want to help, but I really feel like this is something I just have to figure out by thinking about it first. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything foolish or rash. While I appreciate that you want to learn more about it, but continuously bringing it up is making me uneasy. So could we just drop the topic for now? Once I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know!"

I'm not saying it's perfect (and you definitely might want to tailor the wording to how you usually talk to your parents), but it might work better than trying to avoid it by awkwardly changing the topic.

If they really do want more information, then there's a lot of good material online, for example on the PFLAG website. That could give them an idea what you're going through, without you needing to be at hand to talk them through it.

Try not to let it eat away at you! They mean well. And in the end, all of you will learn to live with it! (*hug*)

 

i think what's most important is to accept who you are. it doesn't matter if others are ok with who you or your sexuality are if you aren't. its taking me a long time, but i am getting there. best of luck

 

It may help to remind your parents that you will love them no matter how they react or how much they struggle when they encounter the real you.

 

ur parents r like mine, im freaking about telling them im ....

bt im sure they will always love u no matter what, sure they mite b shocked at first.

tell them in ur own time, only u knw when its time