I am in the process of coming out after being married 15 years. I have thought quite a bit about whether my wife knew before I told here. After I came out to her, she said it answered a lot of questions which tells me there was suspicion at some level. I've lately been wondering about my parents. My mother died in 2006. My father lives in Saudi Arabia and the only contact I have with him is occasional MSN Messenger. It will be a while before I tell him. He will likely disinherit me except that after 3 marriages, there isn't much to inherit. I've been thinking about my childhood and several events come to mind that had to make them wonder: - at three-and-a-half years old I wanted my own vacuum cleaner. They wouldn't get me a real one but found a toy version with a working light. - around the time of first grade, one of my favorite things to do when I visited my grandparents was to comb and style my grandmothers' hair. By third grade I had figured out that boys didn't do such things and refused to do it again. - at sixteen, I asked for a Cuisinart food processor for Christmas. My parents got me a cheaper brand that I didn't like. Using my birthday money, I bought my own Cuisinart (which still works 30 years later). I followed up that purchase with a cooking course in French pastry. - at 17, I bought my own set of Le Creuset French cast iron enameled cookware in yellow. My mother ended up ruining all of it while I was away at college. I hate to promote stereotypes but there sure seem to be some outward signals here. . I wonder if I would have stayed closeted for 36 years if my parents had been something other than hostile on the subject of homosexuality. Just wondering. Peace,
From what you said it sound like you may have wanted to be a cook of chief. Where there any other signs?
Hi Mike, (*hug*) Looking at the list you have written out, are those stereotypes or would they provide clues as to your sexual orientation? Maybe, maybe not. That said, when I came out to my parents, my mum talked a bit about things in terms of my behaviour and things that I did when I was younger that always didn't seem right to her. There were always the little things that I did or didn't do that provided the clues. As odd as it might sounds, but I think that the subtle things are often the ones that provide most of the clues.
parents look for what they want to look for my dad still refuses to believe i am gay and i got plenty of signs xD I Used to play with barby dolls, most of my friends where girls, i to had a toy vacuum cleaner, and when my friends wanted to play with army soldiers i would make forts for them in trees and such and then basically do interior design to the things so they all had beds and couches and all that stuff xD Also one of my favorite toys when i was really little was a set of pocahauntis toys that i think my dad threw away. Also most of my friends as a kid where girls and i hated all manner of sports xD I guess the only thing he chose to see was me playing in the woods (me and my neighbor would play ninja or Final fantasy in the woods and i would often be a girl character even when i role played at a later age cause i fricken loved to fight with sticks/vine whip things/homemade bows and much more xD) I also used to sing and have always had a questionable taste in music :x
I was like that also. I did play teacher but thats about it. I played with star wars toys and army figures. My parents were bothe shocked when I came out to them.
i have a quite regular childhood except my best friend is a girl, but she's boyish until now i dont know where she is (the last thing i heard about her is that she ran away from home..nahh forget about this) but suddenly my mind change when i was in junior high school...until now.... i think im not going to tell my parents cos they'll be shocked =p
I think more parents "know" (or are suspicious) than will let on - or even will admit to after their children come out to them. I'm convinced most of them go through some sort of denial, because most of them want their children to turn out "normal" and have the typical heterosexual life - it's the way it's "supposed to be". I believe their denial is a little of "ignore it and maybe it'll go away". Also I think some worry that by acknowledging it or even pursuing the possibility they may influence it. Bottom line, there's a difference between knowing and acknowledging. They may have had an inkling, but they had lots of reasons not to acknowledge it.
I agree with James. My mom had inklings, but tried to force me into the feminine gender stereotype (not that gender always leads you being gay..) But she did tell me that I seemed more buddy buddy with guy friends and almost shy around girls growing up. And that I apparently had tickle fights with female friends when I was younger. :lol: Bottom line: It's possible. But you'll never know unless you talk to your dad about it after coming out. Which I hope goes well for you when you eventually do. (*hug*) And when you do, tell him that it's not a choice and maybe refer him to some Coming Out and family resources from PFLAG sites or books.
I think there's conscious suspicion and unconscious suspicion. I'm going to go against the grain here and stand up for stereotypes because, in my experience, they are very often pretty good predictors. Now... not all LGBT people fit the stereotypes, but quite a few do fit at least some of them. So I'd say that unless your parents were completely clueless, they probably at least wondered, given the list of things you mentioned. Maybe they didn't allow those questions to come into their conscious mind -- much the same way your wife noticed things but didn't necessarily put 2+2 together -- but they probably have some idea or at least wonder
When I came out to my mom, I asked her whether she ever thought about it. The answer was no. Even though she agreed it made sense in retrospect... On the other hand, my brother did tell me he had had his suspicions. So they both came to different conclusions from the same start. Also, when we were young, my brother out-gayed me. He liked dolls, he was always wanting my mom's attention. All the while, I was reading through books about military history and comics. and yet, he turned out straight, while I turned out gay. So signs sometimes don't amount to much either... And I can't help but think that if I could delude myself into thinking I was really straight, even when in the middle of staring at guys, it can't have been hard for others to put the comparably small amount of evidence aside. I don't know if my parents ever wondered about me (or my brother). Maybe on some subconscious level they did. But I guess the difference between never consciously wondering and never wondering at all is academic... At most they'll be faster to retroactively see the signs and come to terms with it.
So you liked cooking, and were close to your grandmother. If that's all, I'd doubt it really. My sister thought she was interested in photography for a while and wanted a really good camera, but my parents weren't sure how committed she was about it, so didn't want to splash out. Nothing at all to do with sexuality in that case. Sometimes parents will know, sometimes they won't join any dots. I don't think it's even connected to whether they want to believe it. My parents were both genuinely surprised, but it didn't bother them at all, so it's not like they were denying any obvious signs. They just thought the reason I hadn't been with many girls was because I was a little shy. But she's perfectly willing to imagine that my younger brother, whose only 12, might be gay.
Brought back memories of my favorite toy when I was little: My barbie pool. It was so much fun making everyone swim haha From what you posted it could have gone either way. She could have thought that you might have been gay or you might just have wanted to be a chef.
