Donate your courageous story..."Im Gay"

Hi each1 teach1 welcome to EC, I'll share my first coming out then, I was on holidays with my cousin and we were alone upstairs, so I just said (I'll call him J) "J there's something I want to tell you but I need you to keep it a secret" then he rather predictably) turns round and says jokingly "you're gay", I was a bit taken aback so I said "yeah actually, I am" then he just said "oh" and promptly left the room, kind of a crap coming out because we didn't talk about it for another year and by that time he'd completly forgotten, so I had to come out to him twice

 

I'm not a teenager but I will reply anyway because I am sure the emotions were still similar.

The exact moment I said it out loud, to a friend, for the first time, I really wanted to take it back. I thought the world was going to end. That I would lose someone that had been a good friend to me and that I would be ostracised and ridiculed and demeaned.

I then told my friends wife, who really is a friend in her own right, later that night. And since then told my dad.

The reality has been that they have been great about it. I'll never forget the fear of when I said it though.

 

I fist told my friend on aim. Then I pulled my computer plug out before she could respond. Then when I logged back on we talked about it for maybe two seconds then went on with a conversation about virtually nothing really. Sandwhichs, Spanish teachers, Billy Joel, etc. Yeah so it went good I guess.

 

I told my best friend, and I was shaking beforehand because I was so terrified - but she took it so well, and I felt this huge sense of relief afterwards. After that it became easier and easier to come out, and now I absolutely embrace my sexuality.
It doesn't matter who doesn't like it now, because I have a core group of friends who don't care. ^_^

 

I told my first friend in person after she told me she might be bi, but she's my person I tell everything to, so it wasn't an issue. I probably still wouldn't have told her without her saying anything though.

Otherwise my first outing was on a messenger client, and I just opened it up talking to a close friend. It was all I wanted to talk to her about, so there was no side conversations to escape to. Once she already knew, it was a bit easier to just blurt it out to my friends in the summer, knowing I had support. I'm lucky that I didn't lose any friends over it, because I know my brother did when he came out.

It's the family that's hardest to come out to. They don't accept it, and we just don't talk about it. My mom hopes that I'll go back to dating girls when I'm "done experimenting".

 

I told my best friend, and was still kinda scared. I had to leave soon afterwards, and couldn't help but think, "Did I really just do that?"

 

It was like taking a weight off my shoulders.

 

My first significant coming out was to my best friend. We'd known each other since birth, literally. WE have baby pictures of her and I on a baby blanket, me a few months old and her two years old. We grew up together and went to the same preschool, elementary school, high school, college and university. So added to the fact that she is my best friend in the universe, I also deeply admire her.

I knew she was open minded, but I still didn't know how she'd take it. So when i was 18, during our christmas get-together (every year she, her sister and her mom come over to our house with a few other family friends to exchange gifts and eat and allt hat good stuff) I asked her if she wanted to come with me to the drug store to get a minutes card for my cell phone. She agreed and we drove there and I got my minutes and then back in the car before she started the engine I said, "There's something I have to tell you..."

When I told her, I was terrified. To this day I knew that even if my mom rejected me I'd be okay as long as she had my back. When I told her, she hugged me. I could have cried, I was so relieved. On the way back to my house she told me about one of her childhood friends who I had met a few times and now lived in Vancouver. At the time, she was transitioning from female to gender-neutral.

Without a doubt, her reaction was the best I ever got.

 

I never felt the relief everyone talks about after I told my first friend. I regretted it, but after telling a few more people I felt better about it.

 

The first person I came out to was by best friend via a Facebook message.

This is the thread from when I was wondering how to tell people.

This is the thread from when I came out to my best friend.

I gave you the actual threads because I figure that they will better be able to describe what I was feeling at the time, because it was two and a half years ago.

However, I do remember feeling physically nauseous, cold, and shivering. And I was petrified, even though I knew 100% that she wouldn't care. This is how I felt almost every time I tell someone. When she called me up and told me that she was proud of me, it was one of the moments in my life of greatest relief, even though I wasn't worried about her accepting me. Knowing the don't have a problem with it, and hearing it are completely different things.

P.S. Welcome to EC!

 

I started coming out very slowly...Only a few people at first, and I told them I was "bi" (even to other gay people). Hahah! What a laugh that is to me now! I basically sat a few select LIBERAL friends down at a coffee shop and told them that. Everyone was incredibly supportive. (I didn't dare tell anyone with any hint of a conservative bone in their body...not yet, anyway).

Then I told one girl I was bi when I asked her out..She was cool with it, but the relationship never progressed. Hmmmm, I wonder why?

On my 21st birthday party, while extremely intoxicated, I went out on the porch with a female friend while she had a smoke..I told her I thought I was bi, and she told me "no, you are gay". She was right. She could see it from the day she met me. I mumbled a bunch of things about how I didn't want to be unhappy and how I just wanted straight guys (like her boyfriend, for example) to accept me. I broke down in tears..I cried extremely hard that night (in fact, I'm tearing up a little right now just thinking about it). This was one of the turning points for me. She told me I'm a beautiful person and that my orientation doesn't change anyone's opinion of me.

Roommates found out through the grapevine. Friends let it slip in front of them that I was gay (the funny thing is, they thought they were joking! and said it's not funny to just say someone's gay..then they found out my friends were being serious.) They never bothered to tell me that they knew. It was my business, not theirs, and they didn't see any need to bring it up with me. I wish they did because then I would've been able to let my guard down around them.

Then I started telling people "yup, I'm gay". Changed it on facebook shortly thereafter, and my life has improved dramatically since then.

 

I first told my best guy friend from highschool. I had told him I was bi previously. But this time, after continuing to feel a hollow void in relationships with men, had my first experience with a girl my age. It felt like home.

So I told him that "I was actually gay". And he was on webcam and he smiled, telling me he loved me just the same and that it wouldn't change anything. I came out ot a few friends who I had known since elementary school or highschool and they were ok with it. And I finally was able to look in the mirror and say it to myself- "I'm gay-I like girls," and actually laugh because it wasn't the end of the world.

It was so liberating. I didn't know I could feel so genuinely happy with myself, life and that my friends were so awesomely supportive. ^^ As time went on, I began to care less and less what people thought. If they didn't want to get to know me as a person rather than my orientation then that was their loss.

 

I was laying in my moms bed with my mom. I told her I had to tell her something important. I started shaking like crazy and was very nervous. I couldn't say it myself, so I told her to guess. After quite the amount of guesses, she asked if I was gay in a joking tone. I didn't respond and she asked again. Finally I responded with a faint yes and waited to see what she said. The first thing out of her mouth was "why didn't you ever say anything?". We talked for about an hour and she was ok with it but worried because some people don't like it. She also thought maybe I was just confused, but after a few times, she got it through her head that I'm gay and it's not gonna change.

Now, I can tell she has accepted it and isn't too worried anymore.

 

Here's mine.. the only thing not included is that since then I've told my grandmother, posted on facebook and told two people at work.

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30966&highlight=stress

 

I was 20 when I finally had the courage to come out, I say 'had the courage' but the truth is I was quite a wimp about it. I had to be forced into a position where I had no choice but to come out, as my friend had asked out a girl for me, which was a step too far for me, I couldn't lead this girl on, or keep lying to my friend. The night he did that I couldn't say anything to him face-to-face, so I waited until we were both on our separate ways home when I texted him to say that I was gay.

Not an empowering story as I felt quite crippled by the whole experience, and we struggled to talk about my sexuality for a good year or so after that. I remember the night waiting for his reply was absolutely horrendous, I was shaking when I finally spoke to him on the phone about it the next morning. So while a couple of my friends found out at that point in time, I wasn't able to talk to any of them about it, or still say the words 'I am gay' outloud. I still have trouble saying that as I'm still not completely out.

The first time I did say those words was 2 years afterwards, where I came out to another close friend. My best-friend who I'd come out to at 20 had taken a while before he started speaking to me about my sexuality, but this night he was egging me on to tell our other friend. So after a few drinks, I sat down with them, and in a swift move said 'there's something you should know, I'm gay.' His reaction was a very manly 'okay', but I did feel quite relieved now that all my closest friends knew, for the first time ever I was able to truly be myself. I think he still needs a bit of adjustment time as I'm not really able to speak to him about my sexuality in the way I'm able to speak to my other friends, they took some time too, but it does feel good that they know the real me, I don't have to tread on egg-shells around them, and I can, to an extent, share my experiences with them. But I've still got a way to go

 

After some consideration, I've thought to add my input. I myself have never come out, I'm privileged enough not to need to, but I've been the come-outee if you will.

If there are any teens or young people who come to you for advice on what to do if their friend comes out to them it this; you carrying on being their best friend, they've told you because they respect and trust you. The best you can do is smile and be there for them, the shoulder to lean on and the ear to listen to, because you've not lost a friend, you've just got to know them a little bit better and the resulting friendship and bond will be so much closer and stronger.

 

Mine was a bit tough. I came out to a friend of mine in college who was also gay. That of course made it easier. But I wasn't just "coming out" to him - I was hitting on him. So that was nerve-wracking. He ended up saying he was flattered that I wanted to go to bed with him, but he wasn't sure it was such a good idea, as he was afraid that it would mess up our relationship. I was disappointed of course, but I still was happy that he let me down so nicely (yes, even at the time).

Lex

 

my first coming is to my best friends...after such a long time i've been lying to them..but i'm not afraid when i came out cos my best friends also not straight and i think they put some suspicion on me so they didn't surprised at all

 

My first coming out was to a close friend from high school, and my roommate. It was last January, a Wednesday to be specific. Funny how you remember things like that. We just got back from Christmas break, and just before going to bed, he said school was boring and we needed something to make it more interesting. Lying in bed, my heart was pounding. I texted him "I'm gay, does that make things more interesting?". I could hear him laugh through the wall and he said, loud enough for me to hear "Ha, I didn't mean it like that". I was silent, and texted him back, "I'm not joking". He called my name a few times, but I didn't say anything. He then came out of his room and knocked on my door, and it all started!

It went very well, he was extremely supportive. We talked for a good hour. For me, its really hard to describe the feeling after. I was relieved, but it felt sooo surreal. I couldn't believe I had finally told someone my deepest, closest, most private secret. Cliche, I know, but it felt like a dream. After living knowing I was gay for probably 8 or 9 years, the thought that someone else finally knew, it was just incredible. We were walking to class the next morning, I turned to him and said "I'm gay!". He just laughed and said "that you are". It was really, probably the happiest moment of my life, as of yet.