A few weeks ago I wrote about my coming out on here. It didn't go over too smoothly. If you don't remember look for the post "Destroying the Door." Anyway, many of you expressed your concern and encouraging words which have helped tremendously. One of the main turning points of my tale was that my reserved mother finally confronted my domineering father. Anyway... the update. My parents have decided to separate. I know to most people that sound horrible but my mother has assured me my sexual orientation or coming out has had nothing to do with the decision. She attributes her being so submissive for so long to her mother. She was raised in the time when women didn't ask questions or stand up and speak but simply do as instructed. She says that my dad had what was coming to him and that I in fact helped her and have possbily saved her from spending the reaminder of her life as a silenced and battered housewife. She claims to love my father but that he needs serious help, which he still refuses to get. He and I still aren't speaking and my siblings have begun disowning him as well, hoping that by losing everyone he holds dear he'll come around. Just thought I'd share. Sorry I haven't been posting so much school has been busy!!!! But I've been reading a TON of posts, y'all are great!
It's always really difficult when parents separate, but in your case, it sounds like a really healthy thing for your mom. I'd echo her thoughts that your decision to come out had nothing to do with it, but it's not uncommon for some major event to help the abused spouse realize how unhealthy it is to let the current situation continue to go on. It takes a lot of courage for an older woman to make that decision, and it's definitely the right choice. As for your dad... it's harder. Men who have those behavior patterns have them very deeply ingrained and it takes confronting years of patterning and reinforcement -- and sometimes, the willingness to confront very unpleasant material from early childhood -- to break through the barriers he's built up. I think your family is probably making the right choice, but it may take him a long time even so; getting over the fear of confronting whatever is underlying that anger is a huge challenge for most men. I wish you the best of luck! Please keep us informed!
Wow, that's deep! Your original coming out post is still one of the most moving stories I've ever read here on EC, and it will stick with me for a very long time. This is one of those times when things just evolve and take on a life of their own way beyond anything you have control over. And yet you were the pebble in the pond that has sent ripples far and wide. I'd like to think that your courage and bravery were in part responsible for giving your mother the courage to face her own big challenge (and a convenient excuse, too). I hope you remain positive about this and that you can see the bigger picture - how you were not responsible for this friction between your mom and dad that has been simmering for probably a very long time, that your dad has serious issues and probably had them long before you were even born, and that this action might be what's necessary to save him from himself. It will definitely save the rest of your family and should hopefully lead to a happier situation in which you can continue to grow as a person - a good person and not what your father represented. It may seem a little tumultuous right now but I can defintely see how this story will have a happy ending, for sure for you, your mother and your siblings, and possibly (hopefully) for your father as well. Hang in there and stay close to your family - your mother is an exceptional person and it is very obvious that she cares deeply about you. I am so hoping for the best for you - keep us all posted!
I remember your story. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are splitting up-but it's probably for the best and overall happiness of everyone, right? Here's hoping your family continues to be supportive (well your siblings and mother) (*hug*) If you're feeling down or just want to chat, drop me a line.
I too remember your story well, and responded to it as did many of the others here who are again responding with care and support for both you and your mother. It appears like things were never happy or well adjusted between your father and your mother. What you did in that situation took courage, and the strength you showed then will surely help you mother as she steps into the new life that awaits her. I have no doubt you can be the strong man in your family now, and the gentle support you mom may need to rely on. And you are free now. You are open and living in truth. The shadows are departing because you tore down the walls separating you from yourself. Best of luck always. And remember you have lots of friends here. :eusa_clap
I remember your story as well. I'm particularly glad to see that your family is alright-the original post had me scared a bit. Keep posting here!
I think most people here remember your story, and I certainly do. It sucks when a family falls apart, but hopefully it's all for the better. I'm happy to see that things have gone relatively well (you weren't kicked out of the house at least). And your mother is still an amazing woman, and you should tell her that for all of us.
Funny how your courage led to a very life-giving situation for your mom. Not directly the result youda thot, but you may have saved a life! We love you!
This is eerily similar to my situation (only i came out after separation). Be prepared because with people like your and my dads that need help and don't want to get it, it is far more likely they will not . I hope stuff turns out better for you than me and my family though PM me anytime if your having trouble cause i 100% know what you are going through with this (*hug*)
