Even know i came out to all my friends a few years ago i was just thinking about my coming out story and realized how disappointed in it i was, all because of one friend. Well what happened is that i told my roommate/best friend that i was lesbian first and i specifically told her not to tell anyone because i wanted to be the one to come out to everyone me and her pretty much had all the same friends so it would matter if she did tell anyways, the day after we hang out with one of our friends and then within the hour of hanging out with her my best friend just randomly says to her oh btw crystal is a lesbian....i was so shocked and mad i didnt know how to react thank god that my friend she told reacted well and had already expected that i was so she handled it well. I told he after that not to tell anyone else, but i found out that she had told everyone not one friend of mine did i get to tell that i was actually a lesbian except for my roommate i was so mad about that. and it kind of makes me wonder if the reason why i can not come out to my dad is because i never got the chance to really come out to anybody else, anyways i just thought i would get this off my chest because something came up and it was really bugging me today Ciao. :icon_bigg
Your theory is quite interesting! Having come out to a few people now I can see where that would make sense. Do you have no others in your life you can do a few "trial" come-outs to? Maybe a brother or sister, or a cousin you're close to? If you're in college maybe profs, or if you're working then others at work? I guess the other thing is whether or not you're happy with being out. If you are, then it may not matter too much how you came out (or were outed) to your friends, but that you are out and happy with it. I think it's more important to be confident and sure of yourself in coming out to parents than it is to have "experience".
I kind of know how you feel. When I first decided to come out I only told two of my best male friends, and they were cool with knowing I was gay. I was happy. But then I made the mistake of telling my younger sister that I was gay. :icon_sad: I had always thought I had a closer sibbling relationship with my sister than I did with my two younger brothers, so I was very suprised by what she did. Within 24 hours she had blabbed that I was indeed gay to "EVERY" family and extended family member and most of my other friends. :icon_sad: At first I was depressed and upset that she took away my "thunder" and outed me to everyone I knew, but in the long run, it did save me the trouble of comming out to my family members and friends one at a time. Sadly, she won't even talk to me anymore. It's her loss as far as I'm concerned. I'm happy with with being able to be myself around my remaing friends and family. (!)(!)
Awww i am sorry that has happened to you i havent lost anyone over well except for the one best friend i was talking about and well who would want to keep a friend you cant trust anyways right? but glad you know what i am talking about. Your theory is quite interesting! Having come out to a few people now I can see where that would make sense. Do you have no others in your life you can do a few "trial" come-outs to? Maybe a brother or sister, or a cousin you're close to? If you're in college maybe profs, or if you're working then others at work? I guess the other thing is whether or not you're happy with being out. If you are, then it may not matter too much how you came out (or were outed) to your friends, but that you are out and happy with it. I think it's more important to be confident and sure of yourself in coming out to parents than it is to have "experience". And no i dont really have anyone else to come out to my brother and sister know, i dont really talk to ppl at my work because they are all really snobby so i just go to work do my job and come home, i am going to university next year so maybe i can do a couple of trial runs then
I know how you feel. Even though I'm "out" it's not like I publically scream: "I'm GAAAY!!!!" and dance around with rainbows trailing behind. Some days I may feel like doing so... but I refrain 99% of the time. However, in the meantime, I do like to come out to others once in a while on my own. Instead of others doing it for me. For instance, take my friend. We went to the nearby convient store when I was visiting him one evening. I was dressed a little feminine and the clerk said "Oh hey pretty lady. Whatcha buying?" I was about to say something back (politely of course), but my friend said, "haha, sorry buddy. She's a big homo. You're not even on her radaaarrr..." With a stupid grin on his face. :dry: I scowled at him and told him I would like to tell people when I am gay next time. He got the point. However, he still doesn't understand "what a big deal it is" in coming out. I guess that's because he's bisexual and has never officially dated a dude so he's not had to publically deal with it and he still likes women. It could be because the people telling the news think it's not that big of a deal (when sometimes it can be for gay/queer people) who aren't fully ready for the world to realize they're a bit different. But take courage in knowing that you at least won't have to come out to those that already know. And the world is getting more gay friendly, even though it may not seem like it some days. (*hug*)
I was able to come out to two of my friends myself (only because my sister didn't know them :lol but everyone in my family was told, even family members I wouldn't have told if it had been up to me. (3rd cousins, etc). And I had asked her to keep my being gay to herself, but she didn't.
