1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Outed to my first close male friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by ELusiveMuse, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. ELusiveMuse

    ELusiveMuse Guest

    Totally stunned right now. All in the space of 2 hours i.ve gone from complete mortification after being told one of my mates knows and then to stunned happiness when being told that he's if not totally cool with it, pretty damn close and that it doesn't change the fact i'm one of his best mates!

    Let me back track a bit. In winter '08 i met a girl at a bar, she and I flirted for a few months and had an unfortunate bedroom experience while i was still coming out to my self. Eventually we became good friends and i came out to her by phone (my first).

    Fast forward a few months and she's now going out with a good friend of mine, which made things difficult. I'd send her messages calling her babe, honey etc. and understandably he'd be wondering why i was sending such affectionate tings to his bird. Lol.

    So any way, fast forward to last night and i'm texting her about a gay bar i've been told about (thanks to sandy aka riddlerno1) and wishing she lived close enough to come with me as it'll be my first time on the scene. She replies offering to go to some bars closer to her in Southhampton and hold my hand. Now bear in mind we're being a little circumspect and not saying the word gay just in case but it ends up sounding like we're planning an intimate assignation... Sure enough my mate checked her phone earlier today and thinks we're having an affair, an argument starts and she blurts out whats really going on ie. that I'm queer. :slight_smile: later on I get a text thats just completely odd coming from one of my mates, telling me he's there for me if i need a chat and that we're good mates and such. Straight away i text her asking if there's something i should know and she told me all about it. What really stunned me though is that she said although he didn't believe her at first, he then told her that it didn't matter to him and that i'd been there for him in the past so he'd be there for me now. She told me he even said he wont mention it to the rest of the lads unless i want him too. :slight_smile:

    I can't believe it! Feel so guilty about how i underestimated him as a friend and a person in general. He just tried ringing but i was too scared too pick up, i sent him a message saying i wasn't able to talk because of where i'm staying, which is partially true but is mainly due to my being a coward. :slight_smile:
    Sorry for the essay and i hope i.ve made sense, just so stunned, happy and relieved!!
     
  2. x2x2x2x2y2

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,326
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wonderland (and California, USA)
    Aawwwwwww that's nice. Congrats!! :slight_smile:
     
  3. kv88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    AK
    Hey I feel ya, congrats to you! Doesn't it feel great? You have a great friend who will be there for you.

    I was sorta in a same situation, I seriously thought one of my close friends was going to kick my ass, but he said he was cool with it and gave me a hug. Seriously misunderstood him.
     
  4. Notreallysure

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2010
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alabama
    Congratulations, I'm sure it is amazing and a weight off your chest.
     
  5. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    yeah, your friend sounds ace!
     
  6. ELusiveMuse

    ELusiveMuse Guest

    Thanks you all! :slight_smile: I thought the same thing about my mate, KV88. i wasn't looking forward to squaring up to him, either, as he's a lot bigger than me. Lol.
     
  7. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Congratulations for being out to your friend now, and for his great reaction!!! :slight_smile:

    As a side note, he was checking his girlfriend's phone?
     
  8. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations on being out to your friend! :slight_smile:

    Friends can surprise us in really great and positive ways. Glad that your friend is supportive and wants to be there for you.
     
  9. kv88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    AK
    Lol he didn't see me as a gay, even after all this time I was soft and liked some girlie things. He told me he didn't see me that way. And oh he has a bi brother too.

    Congrats again, now you just need to tell more important people in your life.
     
  10. aanclei

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Awwww this is so nice ^_^ Congrats! :grin:
     
  11. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    that is a great story...you are not a coward thou...dont ever think of youself as that..you just had an epiphany and too much information stimuli overload in your mind made you not want to take the phone call...not cowardness...give him a call sometime else..:icon_bigg:icon_wink
     
  12. nickmc

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, NZ
    Thanks for sharing! I'm glad it worked out great for you and him. He sounds like an amazing friend :icon_bigg
     
  13. Alex19

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,157
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    kudos!!! ur friend is obviously intelligent :slight_smile:
     
  14. ELusiveMuse

    ELusiveMuse Guest

    Again, thank you all!
    Biisme, yeah they both check each others phones all the time and are well paranoid of each other cheating... Loads of issues in that relationship, but they've both had partners who cheated on them before and are totally insecure. :-(
     
  15. riddlerno1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Hey there, Yes your friend does sound amazing! And you are definitly not a coward. i am pretty sure we have all felt that way! :grin:
     
  16. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,767
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    Congratulations :slight_smile: I'm happy your friend took it well and is supportive
     
  17. keith86199

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2011
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Near Cincinnati
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    that's really awesome, see its weird you build up all this inner-tension thinking about how thing may go horribly wrong and you may lose a great friend. I'm in a similar situation I guess I have an amazing best friend and I would do anything for him and vice versa, but I am petrified of even thinking about telling him the truth. I am kinda attracted to him which doesn't make things easy lol I know its something out of my hands, and I can't stop myself from loving him and I wouldn't want to do anything to change our relationship we've been best friends for 6 years now.

    But aaaannny ways I'm really happy things worked out for you I can only imagine the huge amount of relief you're feeling knowing that he is still there for you and this won't change your friendship, trust me I know how important he probably is to you. It's hard to find true friends and it's even harder thinking about the possibility of losing them just for let them see the real you.

    Again Congrats Man that's a truly awesome and somewhat inspiring thing.
     
  18. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I will point out that this thread is from March 2010, and the original poster is long gone just so no one comments on the OP's experience.

    However.. on to you, Keith! Welcome to EC! I think it is often hardest to come out to our closest friends because while we realize they will likely support us, we also fear what will happen if they don't, so it can be almost paralyzing.

    I think over time you'll become more comfortable with the idea, and perhaps, as you read more about others' experiences here, you'll see there are lots of ways you can sort of look for signs as to how he'd response, or put out subtle hints to see how he responds before laying all your cards on the table.

    I hope you stick around and continue to contribute to the community, Keith!
     
  19. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    happy dance

    (!) (!!) (!)