Hey I need help with my coming out letter to my parents

Josh -

For you and for your parents:

1 Corinthians 15:10:

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and God's grace toward me has not been in vain."

Peace,

 

everyone here, at least, is supporting you! (*hug*)

 

Josh, I am quite concerned about you based on this letter. Are you sure you're ready for this big step? When I read your draft letter I hear a great deal of uncertainty and even shame in your message. You are very apologetic for something you should have no need to apologize for. I'm also concerned that you don't have any support network to fall back on should things not go well with your parents.

Before you send this letter please answer two questions. First of all, are you out to yourself? Are you really comfortable with the idea of being gay? Can you say it out loud to yourself - "I am gay"? Is there something more you can say about being gay than just having accepted it, something positive?

Second question, do you know why you want to come out to your parents at this time? I mean I probably know why you need to do this (I'm in the same boat as you) and I can see your anguish from your other post, but when you spell it out does it really suggest to you that this is the right time? I think it might be good to hear yourself say why you need to do this right now.

Here's my take on this. You're not out to anyone, and your first outing will be to your parents who you're clearly not suspecting are going to be supportive or understanding. You have no obvious support network to fall back on other than us here at EC and no one to confide in or even cry to should it go badly. Because this is your first outing you have no experience telling someone out loud that you're gay. And by the way you've revealed your feelings in this letter, I'm not sure that you're at a good comfort level with being gay yourself.

I know what it's like to drive to the edge of this cliff out of desparation to stop the lying to yourself and to the world, and then to look down into the gorge below. It might be helpful for you to take a step back at this point and just look at where you are for a moment. Look at how far you've come and the gains you've made in your personal journey. Then look at your fears and uncertainties and see what's behind them. Then look at your readiness - your own feelings about being gay, your support network, the many emotions you feel. Take stock of it all.

Then make sure you have a plan, and make sure it makes sense to you in the cold light of day, not in the sweeping currents of emotion. As an outsider I would rather that you come out to your parents later in the process. I would want you to have some comfort with being gay before you come out to anyone at all. Then I'd rather that you come out to "safe" people first, even just one or two, to gain some experience and to just hear yourself say the words to someone else. Then I would plan the coming out to your parents from a position of strength and at least some pride rather than as an apology. And I would want to be confident that you will be able to handle their reactions from an emotional perspective.

But these are just things running through my mind, and I offer them to you only for your consideration. Good luck with however and whenever you choose to do this! (*hug*)

 

Then Josh, I'd say you pass all the tests and you're ready to do this, but on your schedule! Listen to what your heart is telling you to do. I'n not going to provide any further input on the letter itself because I think Mirko has done an admirable job, so good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

Whooaa. Maybe I'm way too emotional, but that piece of writing by Josh (the letter for his parents) was heart-wrenching to me. Possibly because we are more-or-less on the same boat, and I can relate with him.

I'm not too sure if letter/e-mail is the best way to come out. I know that it is easier and less scary than coming out face to face, but still I'd go for a face to face conversation, I think. But if you go and meet them and talk with them about this issue after a while they got your letter, I don't think it would make much of a difference.

Personally, I'd say it's better if the letter is written by Josh himself, than anyone else. No matter how much better we write, we can never express the same amount of emotion and love and warmth in the letter as Josh himself. If we edit it, it way become way too formal and not contain the depth it requires. Even if it is edited, Josh should rewrite it for the last time.

If you come out, do let us know. I am sure they definitely care for you (or at least I can hope), and sooner or later, they will definitely accept you for who you are.