Coming out to my sister and some friends.

The thought of me being gay has been in the back of my mind since I was in 6th grade. I didn't know what it was then, but I knew I was different because I had never been attracted to guys. I always attributed that to never being able to find the right one. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and left it there and didn't think about it again until last year in my freshman year of college when one of my best friends came out to me. I was so incredibly happy for her. Ever since that day I had become obsessed with my orientation. The thought "what am I?" plagued my mind every single free thought I had. I knew I wasn't attracted to guys but I also had never let myself be attracted to girls either. Then, a few months later, another of my best friends came out to me. As you can imagine, my thoughts became more frequent after this. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that it would keep me up at night and make me stare off into nothing during the day. Finally, roughly three months ago, my cousin who I am extremely close to also came out to me. This made me more happy for him than I could express. After this, I realized if they were all brave enough to come out, then I could too.
In the days when I became more sure of my orientation, I began to want to tell those closest to me. So I finally told my two friends and my cousin. They were all so happy for me. I couldn't have asked for better responses or people to first come out to. Yet, the thought of me being gay had plagued my mind even more frequently since I told them. Sure, I had breathed a sigh of relief knowing that I had great people to back me up, but I knew I still had a long way to go.
So, a few weeks ago, my parents, my sister, and I were taking a walk in the country one sunny Sunday afternoon. My parents had walked ahead quite a bit to the point of my sister and I not being able to see them. This walk covered a distance of about three miles and the entire way I said to myself, "okay, we're alone...I need to tell her. The next road sign I will....okay, the next pole I will" and it kept going on and on. Finally on the way back (when we were just about home) I said, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" She said "Of course Mur!" I took a deep breath and said "I think..." and paused for another minute or so. She was egging me on saying "What's wrong? You can tell me anything" So finally, I said "I think...I'm gay." (Which I realized, is so much harder saying out loud than how I was rehearsing it in my head) She just looked at me and said "Okay, tell me about it!" I just smiled and told her what I had been feeling and for how long. She said "Well, to be honest I had suspected it earlier so it's not much of a shock. I mean, whenever I said Johnny Depp! or Daniel Radcliff! you always just said...oh okay" I just laughed. Then I said "Do you still love me? Am I still your sister?" Just for reassurance. Her eyes got big and said "MUR! How DARE you even think you would stop being my sister or I would stop loving you?!" Then we stopped walking and she gave me the biggest hug. I knew everything was going to be fine after that. Then, I realized that after I told her, it had stopped plaguing my mind.
I still have my parents and other siblings to tell, but I know (or hope) they will react positively. I do have other gay relatives in my extended family. An uncle and two cousins. So I do have great support. I'm just so glad I got it off my chest.... Now I have to conquer the rest of my family.

But as of right now, I'm happy.

 

Thank you, I really do!