I cannot believe what I did today!!!

I came out to my mom and dad today!! I did it!! I did it!! I can't believe I did it!!

I had been dreading this like nothing else in my life - this was definitely the scariest thing I've ever done! I have been scared of my parents forever and I thought for sure this was going to be the end of our relationship. I was expecting the worst or more.

But I knew I had to do this for my own sake, so yesterday I made the call to my mom that I was coming over today. This morning was one of the most anxious mornings I have ever lived through, and I don't know how many times I thought up reasons for turning back - probably a new one every 5 minutes. But some of the recent coming out stories here on EC plus some personal help from a couple of wonderful friends on EC got me over the hump and I went through with it.

I sat down with them and we talked about random stuff for a while. My heart was racing like I was about to die... Then during a quiet moment I sucked in my breath and I did what I told myself I was going to do - I told them the honest truth. I said "I came here for a reason. I wanted to have an adult conversation with you about something that's very difficult for me to say, but that I need you to know. I'm gay." And then I just let it all out and there was no stopping me. I was almost in tears and they just sat there and listened without saying anything.

Then came the shock of my life. My mom, a religious zealot for as long as I have known her and someone who has regularly put down homosexuals as aberrations to God, said "If this is how you are, then I accept you. You are my son and I will always love you no matter what." And my dad, who has always put me down and has quite a temper, said exactly the same thing. I had to check to see if I was actually talking to my parents and not some stand-ins that only looked like my parents!

Then we talked about it for a while. They asked me if I was sure, how long I knew, and what it was like keeping it in. They were genuinely interested! They said that people "in the family" had suspected for some time... Then it got really unexpected. My mom started telling me that the Catholic church, her church, was wrong about homosexuality! She said that this is how God made me, and if I was born this way then everyone including the church should be accepting of that. She said that recently her priest had said in a sermon that homosexuals were God's children and they should not be diminished for being born who they were. And my dad said that he would defend me to anyone who asked in the extended family. And then they said they were both proud of me for coming out to them, and they felt bad that I wasn't able to tell them sooner!!

As a final surprise, they told me that a person I grew up with back in my small town was likely gay and has been living in the city with a guy for some years now, although they weren't sure if he was officially out yet. And this coming from a town that has zero tolerance for gays!! So we ended with probably the most meaningful group hug in my entire life, and they said again that they were very proud of me for doing this.

I shocked myself by doing this - when I joined EC in early January I was so screwed up that this wasn't even on my agenda. My parents also shocked me - I still can't believe that this was their response. I was expecting the total opposite and this never factored into my calculations.

This is probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life! I can’t even begin to describe the whirlwind of emotions I'm feeling right now, but I'm sure somewhere in there is elation, relief, disbelief, supreme joy and amazement. I am on top of the world right now!!

I am now "officially" gay! There's no turning back from here, and I wouldn’t turn back for a million bucks. I feel like I've "graduated" from EC College - with honors!! Yes, I am very proud of myself - if someone told me I'd do this just 2 months ago I would have said that they were nuts.

I owe a huge gratitude to EC - I would not have done this without all of you!! You are my favorite people in the whole world, and this community has served its purpose well. So now I'm going to add another name to my list of EC heroes - my own!!