Need Advice on Coming Out to My Parents!! Please Help!!!

I'd say it's important that you not rush and only come out to them when you are ready. That being said, if you can be ready sooner than later you'd be saving yourself the grief of waiting til the end of the year.

I like that you've given yourself a rough time frame and sound like you're staying focused and determined.

I like to think that it takes quite a bit more than being gay to make a parent stop loving a child (though I'm shouldn't be one to talk, I know that fear of parental reaction too and am still not out my parents...) Likely everything will go fine though; I wish you well in your efforts!

 

I just crossed over to the other side of this equation today, so the advice I can offer you is quite fresh! My parents shocked the daylights out of me with their response. Every indication they gave prior suggested their reaction would be aything other than what it was - total acceptance. I am still in disbelief and I'm expecting to wake up from a dream anytime now...

I have two criteria for people to come out to anyone, especially parents. (1) You must be comfortable with being gay and you must be able to say it out loud and mean it. It sounds like you're good on this one. Then (2) you must be ready on your schedule, no one else's. Only you'll know when the time is right, and if it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Trust me on one thing, you'll know the difference between it being the wrong time and just stalling. Two months ago would have been the wrong time for me, but these past few days I knew I was ready and the only thing holding me back was a bunch of lame excuses. We are smart enough to know the difference, although not always brave enough to act on that knowledge...

As for parents I would add a third criteria - you want to be extra careful if you're still dependent on them for support. If they're providing for your room and board or supporting you through college, you might want to wait for those reasons alone. Unless of course you feel comfortable with knowing how they will react.

There is no rush - it's not a race.

And one more thing, echoing some wise advice given above, I think we underestimate how much it will take to make a parent stop loving their child. I learned that one firsthand today!

 

Hello,

I too just came out with my parents. My parents are very big church goers and I was scared to death to come out to my parents. But I did, and they were very open minded about it and didn't freak out like I thought. You have to remember, no matter what you parents might say about gay people, it is different when that gay person is their son. Unless you have bad parents, they will love you know matter what. It may take some time fore them to get use to the idea of you being gay, but give them time.

Once you do tell them, it like a feeling I can't explain.

 

I think the conversations you've had with your parents and what they've said about loving you no matter what point in a really good direction And it's more common than you'd think for parents to have some kind of suspicion about their kids' sexuality, and to drop hints that they know and they're accepting, so it could be that they have more an idea of your sexuality than you might think.

My general rule of thumb when it comes to coming out is to do so when it feels harder to be in the closet than it would be to come out. If it takes until summer to feel this way, then that's the way it is and you can come out to them then. But this is a really good sign, and a pretty good indicator that it could go a lot better than you'd first thought, so if you find yourself feeling ready over the summer, then go for it. If you know coming out is going to result in being cut off or the like it makes a lot of sense to stay closeted, but if you feel that the reaction will be better than that, staying closeted when you feel ready to come out won't do you a lot of good.

Good luck (*hug*)

 

One question... you don't live in Africa now, do you? Most countries in Africa prohibit any homosexuality or at least don't like it...

 

The other's have already given great advice, so this'll be brief. All I wanted to say, is be careful with deadlines. A general timeline is okay, even helpful. But just be careful not to get too bent on a certain date, or even general date. Yes, its good to have that, and I advise something like it. But I don't want you to get hung up on telling them by a certain time, or on a certain day. Because, if it doesn't happen by then, the disappointment and frustration you'll feel toward yourself is horrible. I know it sounds rather silly, but the trouble I caused myself with that, it was pointless. Coming out deadlines have always been my 'button'. They scare me. :lol:

But anyway, I wish you all the best. And don't forget to keep us updated! :icon_bigg

 

what if you come out in your birth day when you're celebrating it with your family ?

 

That would be an awesome anniversary, but it could make or break your current birthday... I would advise on coming out to friends you know'll be supportive before doing so for family.

 

^^That is a really good advice. Build yourself a solid base of friends before you come out to your family. That way, if things go badly (hope not), you can always go to them for support and comfort. Without my friends I don't think I could have ever come out to my family.

Hope it goes well for you :icon_bigg

 

well, just do it whenever wherever you think that you're very well prepared
good luck !!