... and oh boy do I feel... weird? First of all I don't know what came over me... I've been considering coming out to her for a little while, but dismissed the idea thinking she can't keep a secret. But today in the car on the way home we were talking about how much we like that we think of each other more as friends then siblings, I asked if she could keep a secret (I want to be the one to tell my parents), and just kinda blurted it out. (That's the short version, it was a little more elegant of a transition than that) She was shocked and didn't really say anything, I just tried to concentrate on driving, my heart fluttering as I waited for her reaction. (people say I don't show it, even if I'm ready to pass out from nervousness) A lot of questions (naturally) came out. I answered them, but it felt kinda awkward. Worst part was she did get a little teary (though she claims it was only because now she knows what it was that I'd be depressed about on random days for the past few years). She also got a little weird and uncomfortable when she mentioned that she's never had a boyfriend herself, maybe thinking that now she knows I'm gay what does that mean for her... On the positive side; she did say that she has no problem with it, and that she'd kinda suspected for a while, though she wouldn't go into detail when I asked her how.... I don't know, I know this is supposed to be hard, but I don't feel much relief or lifted burden or anything, I just feel kinda.... weird.... Almost like I'm wondering if coming out was/is the right thing to do.... edit: Ok, it's been a couple of hours now and I'm kinda feeling better now. My sister's been treating me just like she always does again (we chatted about random stuff, watched some anime, etc...) we haven't spoken about it again (though I know full well it'll take time for her to adjust to where she can talk comfortably about it...) but she's been acting totally normal, and *fingers crossed* she'll very likely be able to keep it a secret until I get a chance to tell my parents. It was unpleasant (and I know, it's not supposed to be), but at least now I kinda know what to expect for telling my parents.... I just still feel.... weird....
Congratulations! You've just taken a huge first step towards being open and honest with the world! Make sure you give yourself a great big pat on the back for doing this because you deserve it!! I'd say the wierdness is quite normal, especially for your first coming out. I first came out to my best friend and after I did it I was anything but relieved or ecstatic - it just felt so weird. I think part of it is that it's just a feeling you've never quite felt before in your life. It would be impossible to describe it to others; you really have to experience it. I'd say it almost felt - awkward to me. And it took hours for my heart rate to settle back to normal and my palms to dry up... I have a good hunch how it might go from here for you. If you follow the path I took, then your next one or two coming outs will feel less wierd, and depending on who they are to, they might even feel relieving. But the feeling of a huge weight lifting off your shoulders comes when coming out delivers tangible rewards, when there's something big at stake - for example forging new relationships with people, no longer having to hide, ending the lying, or in the case of parents having them support you in spite of your fears. I think it's fantastic that you could come out to your sister, and this was a good primer for coming out to others where it will be harder, but where the rewards might be even greater. Enjoy this moment. Let it settle for a while and let yourself come to terms with being out to someone - it really is a big milestone. Then you can start planning your next ones knowing what to expect, and taking on bigger challenges each time until your list is completely checked off!
Keep your head up! Everyone you tell will have different reactions and you can't take the bad ones personally. I'm sure it will get better and somewhat "easier" as you go! Good luck with your parents!!
Congratulations on coming out to your sister! Seems like that it went well. I guess there is always bit of a surprise but it seems that she has adjusted already! Maybe now it just takes a bit of time for you to feel comfortable with the fact that someone now knows. I suspect that perhaps the relief will make it itself felt a bit later, once it sinks in that you are out to her and can be yourself around her. A part of your feelings at the moment could also be related to her initial reactions. Given that everything seems to be back as it usually is, some of your 'weird' feelings might actually change to being relieved. Your first coming out is always the most difficult one, but having that behind you and her support, it will make things easier. Congratulations on your first coming out! Well done!
heyy, just thought i'd say that i had the same kinda feeling when i came out to my sister, were kinda close and she's always joked about me being gay and how much she would love a gay brother, i guess i expected her to be excited when i told her and it would feel like some great relief but it was probably the most scary thing i have ever done and it took time for her to absorb it and for things to feel 'normal' but its bin about 3 months now and things are great, i'm probably closer to my sister than i've ever been and its awesome to have her to talk to about stuff and she was so amazing helping me come out to mum and dad so i think you will be ok, just give it time
Congratulations!! Not to worry - the weird feeling will pass and you'll be so happy you've done this!
Well done! I definitely had the weird feeling the first time I came out. I guess it's because you know there is no going back once that first person knows. You can't really say at a later date "by the way, I was just joking about being gay." Well I suppose you could but you shouldn't. It will pass in time and the feeling you get when you can talk openly with someone without it being awkward will confirm you made the right decision.
First, I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and reassurance that how I was feeling was somewhat normal. I'm actually feeling much better about it today and am pretty relieved that I do feel ok about being out to someone. The problem seems to be that my sister wasn't as ok with it as she'd let on... After school today she started crying on the way home (in the car again), saying that she's not upset with me being gay, but that she is upset that she feels weird about me being gay. (to word it another way; she was upset that she was upset about it) And to top it off, I felt completely comfortable talking to her about it this time, like we've completely switched sides. She kept saying stuff like "why am I so sad about this, it's not like anyone's died" or "I know a couple of people who're gay, this shouldn't bother me" and "it's not like you're a different person" (all stuff she already believed and I didn't even need to bring up ) It was just kinda weird that I was the one comforting her... I know she just needs a bit of time with it to let it become normal, and I think she'll be a pretty good ally when she comes around... I just felt kinda awful for making her sad....
I think this is actually a wonderful way for this to happen. Maybe you even sensed it yesterday and that's what was behind your uncertainty in the original post. Now the real emotions start working their way out and that's a good thing because the two of you can deal with them, and it sounds like she's really trying to deal with them for the better. She wants to come to a positive understanding of her brother, and because of that she will. Don't feel bad for making her sad. You didn't make her sad; your revelation has now sunk in and she's working through it in her own way. She's just wearing on the outside what's going on in the inside, and it is really a good thing that she's working through it. She's reformulating her understanding of who you are, and the new understanding she works out will be of the real you. You can support her through this and be a great brother by comforting her and letting her know that it's still you beside her, not someone she never knew. Stay beside her - she'll come around! (*hug*)
Thanks so much for the support James, (just like your other posts I've seen around) you always have great advice and words of encouragement. (*hug*) Since she still seems to be a little uncomfortable talking about it I've found some reading material for her and I'm going to giver her a bit of space, hopefully we can reconnect some time this weekend when she isn't at work...
