I am having the hardest time deciding if I should come out to my dad and my brother. I have been very content being closeted to them for the last few years. It hasn't ever really bugged me until lately. A bit of backstory: About a half year ago, maybe a little less, I came out to my mom. I was crazy stressed in the moment, but it actually went really well. But the plan wasn't to come out to my mom. The plan was to come out to mom and dad (and then my brother would just find out.) But my dad went out of town. I could have just waited until he came home, but I had gotten myself all psyched up to do it and I knew if I didn't do it then I never would. I was planning to come out to my dad when he got home. and that is what my mom wanted me to do, but every other person in my life though I should wait to tell my dad. And with all those people telling me to wait and coming out being horribly scary...lets just say it was easy to push off. and I was comfortable without him knowing and somehow, even though I am out to many of my friends at school, my brother doesn't know or at least he pretends he does and well (we go to the same school). so I was perfectly happy with them not knowing. it didn't stop me from doing anything I wanted to or make me feel uncomfortable. But more recently, I had a crush on a girl and I ended up asking her out. We talked it out with each other and she decided that she would rather not b/c she is still not really ready for a girl/girl relationship, you get a lot of attention if you are in a same-sex relationship and she is a bit more reserved, and we are also seniors so she didn't want to start something now. (they were all reasonable and she was totally not awkward and we are still great friends!) but of course I thought out what would happen if she said yes. and one of those things was come out to my dad and brother so I wouldn't have to hide my relationship. So I sort of got in that prep to come out mode like I was in before and now being closeted is starting to really bug me all of a sudden. Every comment about a gay person makes me feel really nervous and any not so positive gay comment makes me feel really awkward and mad. (they aren't bad comments just like "wow, that guy must be flamin' gay" or "look at that weird lesbian haircut.") they aren't homophobic at all, just not really sensitive. So I am wondering if I should come out to them now b/c it is kind of bugging me or if I should just wait for this urge to come out to pass. They would probably be fine. I know my dad would be fine but might not believe me. my brother wouldn't be thrilled cuz he thinks being gay is pretty darn weird, but he is not hateful and his life would certainly go on. I am just really torn what to do. It is far from a big emergency but it is kind of like an annoying itch that pops up every once in a while. I would love to hear your opinions and would be grateful for any advice. Thanks. Allison.
I'd say: do it. You sound ready. You say they'd be fine, anyway your mother knows already and she can be on your side if needed, so why not take advantage of the momentum and go for it? (*hug*)
I would also agree and say that I think you're ready. I would talk to your mom before you come out to let her know you're going to do it
It sounds like you're ready to do it so just do it. You have your mom for support in case of anything.
Allison, I think you'll find that the itch will continue to grow until it becomes a real pain... And that's a good thing - it's like nature's way of building up the nerve in you to do what needs to be done. That's what ultimately got me to the point where I was able to come out to my parents (something I had been dreading) - the need to stop the lying and self-shame finally got to the point where it just outweighed my fears. You've been very articulate in your post, and no matter how hard I try to look for loopholes I can't shake the idea that you're ready to do this in almost every respect. If I were you I'd start making sure I'm not just procrastinating and finding excuses not to do it. Fear is an excellent enabler for putting things off, but it's not a very good excuse if there's nothing behind it. You've done the coming out thing before so you know how it goes. Yes, it's nerve-wracking, but it's also doable - you've proven this. And you have reason to believe that it will go well. And now the itch is growing... All these signs suggest that you should go for it. So to get yourself over the hump, let me suggest that you make a plan of action in advance. Figure out when and how you're going to tell them - on what day of the week, in what place. If you're telling them in person, how will you move the conversation to this topic? Do you have resources and other things handy in case they have questions? Do you have a mantra or another person's story that's particularly motivating that you can use to tell yourself "I can do this!" when you're sitting across from them and the words are having trouble making it out of your mouth? Lay out a plan and then execute it. Don't allow your fears to let you dip into your bag of excuses to deviate from your plan. Recognize the excuses for what they are, and tell yourself that your fears are empty and groundless. And then just like that, it's over and done! Good luck, and let us know how it goes if you decide to do this!
