Okay, so...I have a lot to say here on EC and I don't know how to start, so I've decided to start from the beggining :rolleyes: Few years ago I realized that I was gay. I don't remember the thing too much but I started to think in boys, to see them attractive and that kind of stuff. First I was scared and non-accepting. I convinced myself that it was something that would go away, but nope! The time passed and I became comfortable with myself, more or less: I liked boys, I didn't like girls, I was not accepting it, but...I didn't think too much about it, who cares...:dry: Let's now introduce my brother. One day I enter his room to say something and I found that he was chatting (on computer) with one of his friends and saying that he was gay. I got stuck! :eek: He didn't noticed that I had read the conversation. One day, he and I went to the cinema to see Wall-E (I love it!). Once the movie finished, we went to the car and my bro closed the door and stayed quiet (he was supposed to switch on the car...), he wanted to tell me something: He was gay...OMG! The first thing I said after that was..."Uh...um...I knew it!" and, after a seconds..."Me too!". It was a impulse After the surprise, he told me that our parents already knew that he was gay. He told me that my mother cried a lot and she went to the psychologist. My dad wasn't that style, but it wasn't a party When we arrived home, my mood was an opened book and our parents asked us about it. After my brother told them that he had a bf, I came out. Mom cried again, this time I saw her, but stopped and said that she love us, no matter who we were. Dad was also accepting it and hugged us. It seems that it was very beautiful but a weird atmosphere was covering that scene. Since that day, the topic has been tabu and we all get very uncomfortable when another topic or the situation itself is introducing "the gay stuff". :icon_redf:bang::icon_sad: So, that's the story of my first and last coming out, for now! Hope you will find it understandable, because I not!
I understood you perfectly. It's sweet that your dad hugged you. My mom yelled at me after she read a letter I wrote, and I didn't even know my dad knew until a few months later. In time they came around to accepting though but it took a good year or so for that weird vibe to be out of the way. Religion is a really tough barrier to break. People that come out to non-religious parents are lucky.
Hmmm, I know well that "weird atmosphere" feeling: when I came out to my sister she seemed ok with it at first, but soon after started avoiding me and treated me a little colder then usual. EC posters told me to just give it time though, and they were right, after about a week she started treating me pretty normally again. Though you may just what things to be normal again as soon as possible, unfortunately it will take some time. You said it took yourself a while to become comfortable with it... so too do your parents need time to become comfortable with it also. Just think how lucky you are to have a brother in pretty much the exact same situation as you!! You can both help each other through. And really, initial reactions from your parents sound, though not great, actually pretty good! Things can only get better in the future! But until then (the future) you've come to the right place: EC has been a huge help to me and I'm sure many more posters (more experienced than myself) will be able to give you lots of great advise soon!!
Congrats on your coming out. Sounds like your parents will be fine in time. It just takes some getting used to. Do you have any other siblings besides your brother?
That was a very brave thing that you did! Congratulations to both you and your brother! To understand what's going on I would invite you to see this from your parents' perspective. First they have to deal with the revelation that one of their children is gay. They're forced to evaluate everything they know about homosexuality (often not much or the wrong things), they have to come to terms with what this means for their lifelong dreams for your brother (trust me, all but the very worst parents have elaborate dreams for their children from the moment you were born), and they have to consider what this changes in the family, to their own relationships, etc. OK, so they work through this. Then, surprise surprise, the same day that child #1 shows up with a bf (always a shock to parents), child #2 also announces that he's gay! So now they are hit with the news that two of their children are gay... a surprise times two! The most important thing is that they gave you very positive cues in their reactions. They still love you no matter who you are, and they hugged you. These are indications that they made the right choice at a tough moment. That's what you wanted to hear. Now it's a matter of time for them to really come to terms with all of this. This is where I am too; I came out to my parents a couple of weeks ago, and like you their reactions were (surprisingly) positive. But now they're doing the "hard work" of integrating the whole revelation into their understanding of me, themselves and the world. In my case it's resulting in some rather odd questions and lines of thought, but that's how they're working through this. In your case they're going through a little denial or just avoiding the topic as they work through it. But what you don't see is what's going on behind the scenes - they're working through this in their own way. As long as this doesn't go on for too long (i.e. years) then just allow them to process this on their own schedule. You just keep being you, and be satisfied that you can be the real you around them and that you've got a tough coming out out of the way. And I agree with Geradeth above, it's a real bonus for you and your brother that you have each other to cofide in. I hope you take advantage of this to build a strong relationship for the rest of your lives - it will be so worth it!
Thank you all for your responses! Few things to say: My coming out happened..hum...2 years ago if I'm not wrong. The first days were in the same way as Geradeth and his sister. After a couple of weeks the bad vibes dissapeared, but, even now, when it comes to talk about something that slightly touches homosexuality, the bad feeling comes in and it's impossible for me to keep talking in that way. I think that if I don't say anything they will forget that I'm gay! On the other hand, I don't talk with my brother about this. Never. He is very reserved and he never tells us (me and/or parents) anything about his friends/bf's and so. He only told us that he had a bf the day I came out, but after that the things went bad and he (I suppose) decided not to make public his social relations :eusa_doh: I can't avoid the thought that all of these feelings will last until the end of time. Wish that one day I'll feel comfortable with my family, in all the ways! :icon_sad: Oh! and Becky, I have no more siblings, we are two brothers
Perhaps they are. But my parents aren't religious and my mother freaked out to the point of almost kicking me out...
That's a pretty positive coming out and I hope the honesty continues to bond you and your family. (*hug*)
You should see if it's at all possible to open up a dialogue with your brother about the two of you being gay. It's too convenient to have someone going through the same things as you. You could lean on each other and be there for each other and really understand each other. He got up the courage to break the news to you that he was gay, so maybe you can work up the courage to open a conversation with him. I know that things don't always work out that way, but I think it would be so valuable to you that it's worth a try.
I'm sorry that happened to you that sucks. Usually from what I've heard though the non religious parents that find out their parents are gay either are unphased by it, or have bigger problems to worry about. It's usually the religion that makes it harder on the parents and therefore the child, because they have to take away the notion of it being a sin, and the kid also has accept that he is a non-Christian or whatever he is (though you can still be a Christian), which is also disappointing for parents such as mine that made church a mandatory thing. Yes I suppose homophobia comes in all shapes and forms, but religion is certainly a big reason for why people make excuses to be a hateful ignorant b*tch to gay people. Fight back gay people! Don't tolerate this. But also don't try to force parents to be comfortable with it like I did. It'll just make it worse. In my mind I was helping them get used to it, but I wasn't. I only prolonged the process and made it more of an issue then it had to be. I'd make fights about it and call attention to their ignorance and things they would say that made no sense while they were trying to save face about things. It'll also make your parents not take you very seriously. Save your anger for moments where you need to get someone's attention and they are not hearing you, more important stuff.
Hey I my mum made me tell me brother at the dinner table. It was either I admitted it or she would go on until I did. This was at the time were I thort I was bi. That was an awkward coming out.
