Well, I told my mom the truth about me being gay. I tried my best to have her in the mode that this is how I've always been. I've always liked guys, never decided between either gender, think girls can be beautiful but I can't be attracted to them, that it's not a choice, that I'm still her son and still love her. Her response: She thinks I'm being impulsive and am not sure. I haven't had experiences with women (which is true, and never will, obviously) and on that basis can't make a decision on which gender I prefer. Decision isn't even the proper word, but for my mom it's a choice from an experience she had when she experimented one time. She told me that she felt a girl's body, breasts and all that, and admired them, thought they were nice, but strongly preferred men over that. I told her that it's the same with me, but she wouldn't buy it. She wants me to keep my sexuality a secret, but it's not that much really, but she doesn't want me telling more people. She doesn't want me to have any sexual contact, as in no oral/anal. She also is telling me not to talk to friends or anonymously or to counselors or anything like that about any sort of problem I may have. I'm already breaking that by posting this here. She thinks I'm misinformed and don't have experience to know what my sexuality is. She's saying the same thing my brother told me here. I offered her to get some PFLAG material she could read. One problem, it's all in English and there isn't a Polish version. I told her that, and she was actually happy that she doesn't have to read any of that. I have no way to convince her that I'm a normal human being, and that being gay is alright and nothing huge and serious. I'm in a Polish speaking family, and homosexuality is a great taboo in Poland and its culture. As such, there isn't a Polish PFLAG or anything like that that has information for parents. My mom's shocked probably about the ordeal, she just doesn't want to admit it. She gave me her terms, and I gave her mine: Don't tell anyone, and let's live life as if we've never had this conversation. I wish I never had to tell her. I cause my family so much trouble. I tell people not related to me to find confidential help, but I guess you can't trust anybody. In middle school I thought I wanted to kill myself, told a teacher, and then my parents found out. Then at school I had to see counselors and psychologists, and I was diagnosed as autistic. I had that criteria waived last year in high school. I don't exhibit autism's characteristics. I can tell when people are happy, sad, w/e just fine. Now recently last month, I thought I couldn't take life anymore. I'm gay with not much of a support network, and I'm also an undocumented (illegal) immigrant. You can read about that here. That's actually a personal taboo I'm breaking. I tell very few people about that part of myself because of so much misinformation on the topic. I don't know, I have an adjustment petition in the system that's been there for like 9 years now, and I'm supposed to be legal when it passes either next year or a few years after. Back to my "I can't take life anymore," mood, I pretty much broke down and went to my counselor. I told her I lost the will to live, and I was too emotionally distraught to tell her what exactly was bothering me. She knows about me being gay and undocumented. But, she called the paramedics on me saying I expressed suicidal intent. So I went to the hospital, had my blood taken and gave a urine sample, mom came to comfort me, talked to doctors/psychologists, and managed to leave the hospital in the same night. I did have a plan on how I could kill myself, but don't all suicidal people? I was just able to admit I had one. I probably shouldn't have admitted it though. Now, I have a $4,000 hospital bill I have to pay, but don't have the means to. No legal documents = no source of income = no money, and my parents don't want to pay for it. They want me to write a letter in hopes of getting the bill waived. What it boils down to is that I apparently can't trust anyone. The people that think they help just seem to make things worse. My mom can't come to grips with me apparently, and it's like she doesn't want to. I don't have any resources I can use to have her be the open-minded, loving, all accepting parent that many of you seem to have. Judge me, flame me, support me, whatever comment you may have send it my way. I really wish I never told my mom. Now life isn't going to be the same anymore.
Have you tried googling Gay support in Poland? Or you could try freetranslation.com and then translate one of the webpages (including the pflag.org or pflag.ca ones). It's worth a shot. (*hug*) It's worth a shot.
