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any advice?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Bevo, May 4, 2010.

  1. Bevo

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    Hey everyone

    I'll just let you know my story so far to start with, as well as some of the conclusions I've drawn from what I've read and felt since I began to question myself several years ago. I'm a 17yo Aussie in year 12 in High School and I'm fast approaching the end of my high school days but lately I've come over with this great confidence in myself in regards to my sexuality and I've started to think about coming out to someone.

    Since I was 13, I've inwardly regarded myself as gay in a cyclical fashion, that is, I have periods of confidence followed up by periods of depressed feelings or periods where I just put it out of my mind and just not think about it. However since then I've come to realise that this maybe affecting my performance in other aspects of my life such as the fact that I'm quite inward in reagrds to socialising. I've grown sick of all this uncertainty, I want to be happy for who I am, and I am gay. It feels great just being able to type those words...but its not enough, I want to cement that certainty in me or I fear I will lapse back into that deep, horrible closet that everyone here talks about. For months now I've been thinking about coming out and there are few days where it hasnt crossed my mind. So here goes...

    There is a girl in my year who I've been fairly chummy with for many years, I've known her since primary school and we've since become very good friends, and whenever I've thought about coming out she has come at the top of my list. I want to start out with a friend and she has always been understanding and happy and I think she would be the most acceptant. The problem is I've come stuck on some of the finer details like, how should I do it? msn? should I wait for a good moment after class or a meeting? should I email her? what is best? Is there any other advice you can give me concerning what to do for first coming outs?

    I'm so knotted up at the moment, one part excited about the prospect of being out to someone and one part terrified of how she will take it and the fact that I'm telling someone my deepest, darkest secret. Now I know some of you may have seen many many threads like this before but let this be my cry for help, I fear that I may just give up and go back into the closet, never having had the courage to stand up for who I am.

    So there we are, my situation, my problem, is there someone who can help me with it?

    Thanks EC

    Bevo
     
  2. Jim1454

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    To some extent, you need to be prepared for other people to find out. That isn't likely going to happen based on what you've said about this girl, but it is still a possibility.

    Really, there isn't any ideal way to do this, or time or place. If you guys talk about intimate personal stuff via IM, then do it there. If you talk on the phone about stuff tell her that way. If you can find some quiet time after school - somewhere private - then try that.

    How to say it? I think it helps to say first that you have something important to tell them. Then they're primed and ready for something heavy. Then just go ahead and blurt it out. No need for long explanations or the story of your childhood. Just that you're gay - and that you wanted to tell someone finally, and you wanted that person to be her. She'll be honoured, and I'm sure very supportive.

    Good luck!
     
  3. padre411

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    Jim is right, especially on the preparation.

    As one who did it for a really long time, keeping secrets takes energy - more and more as life proceeds. A friend of mine describes it as living life while hopping on one foot.

    Wouldn't it be great to put that energy to more productive use?

    Peace,