Not quite a coming out story but it made my brother and I giggle

My brother is in hospital having a battery of tests because he's got a headache that just won't go away, they have ruled out anything serious but have discovered that his blood vessels to his brain connect differently to everyone else's. Anyway he's on the neurology ward on complete bed rest because his blood pressure keeps bouncing from one extreme to the other.

My girlfriend Clare works for the police, and at the moment her shifts wouldn't allow her to visit so she turned up on the ward yesterday morning, in uniform to see if they would let her see him before she started work. Sure enough they were understanding and let her visit since she was family, she told the staff nurse she was his sister-in-law, but only for an hour because doctor was due soon. She took him a couple of bottles of Oasis and a couple of lads mags namely Nuts and FHM (with the 100 sexist women supplement).So they are sitting talking, each with one of the mags comparing notes on the women within and playfully arguing over the FHM top ten.

Twenty minutes later the doctor turns up and Clare says her goodbyes having asked if its still OK to visit around her shifts, which she is told is fine.

Skip ahead a few hours to main visiting time and me and Mum go in to see him. As we approached the nurse's station the male staff nurse asks Mum if he can have a quick word. I left them to it and went to sit with him an he told me Clare had been in, and that it was handy havin a Copper in the family cos it meant he gets an extra visit than everyone else and that they had been talent spotting among the staff together.

Mum and the male nurse came back and Mum has this mischievous grin on her face while the male nurse is flustered to hell and back. He then then explained that the doctor didn't think it was a good idea for Jono to possibly get excited by the mag contents and could you ask your brothers wife not to bring such mags in until the doctor gives the OK. Jono is attempting to look confused but has cottoned on to what Mum's grin is all about and says to the nurse, “I don't get it?”

The nurse then starts to explain how looking at such images could stimulate blood flow to the groin area and the brain and that they are trying to keep him calm. At this point Jono interrupts, “No, it's not that, I'm 28 I understand what happens in my body when I get turned on, what I don't get is the Brothers Wife bit, I haven't got a brother, she's my only sibling (pointing at me as I'm trying my damn best not to burst out laughing as I realise my brother is trying not to out me to the staff without asking first and give the staff nurse a dressing down in Equal Opps.)

Now the nurse looks confused and explains that the woman police officer that he was sitting with this morning said she was his sister-in-law, if in fact she wasn't family she would have to be reported to security as an imposter and wouldn't be allowed in again.

I could see my brothers patients wearing thin with this nurse as the coin clearly hadn't dropped and decided to get them both out of a no win situation. I turned to the nurse managed somehow to compose myself and said, “he's right we don't have any other siblings, but the woman this morning is his sister-in-law, or at least half way to being his sister-in-law but she is my partner, and the reason Jonathan got so frustrated with you is because he has a problem with people jumping to heterosexual relationship conclusions. If you don't know for sure you should neutralise your terminology. In my case myself, my partner and our families are comfortable enough to correct you, in the hope that we wouldn't cause offence, but also that you and your colleagues learn from the experience and both patients and visitors are shown a little more dignity and respect.”

The nurse took his dressing down well, apologised and still said the mags had to go home. To which just to show I had now hard feeling towards him I said not before you settle the argument on the top ten. To which the nurse sat on the end of the bed for the rest of the visiting time and we compared notes and he agreed with me.



Just as a side note mum said in the car that she wants to adopt her self a couple of gay son's to even the numbers out and to have debates with over cute guys.

 

the best part of what my mum said is that if any one of you especially the younger members turned up on our door step because you were having problems at home, she would welcome you in no questions asked, you could stay as long as you needed to and she'd do anything she could to help you out. There's one rule in our house, you treat everyone who ever they are with the same respect as you would expect from them, if you can stick to that, your welcome anytime. When we were kids me and my brother would often turn up with friends and say such and such can't go home tonight. her only question ever was "so what do you want for your tea then?"