Well, I suppose I'll begin by saying that I am totally (and unfortunately) in love with a guy named Lucas and that I have been for three years. The past year of my life has been ... tumultuous. I haven't really spoken to him at all for a little bit over a year, except for four or five occasions of small talk. Even then, we spoke in each other's general direction rather than actually to one another. A week ago, I went to see a guidance counsellor. She listened to my explanation of the situations and my expression of frustration at not having spoken to Lucas for so long. She gave me two options: 1. continue to ignore him and wait until it no longer bothers me; and 2. have her ask him whether he wants to talk to me in her office for a time. I thought about that for the week. I had another appointment today and I decided to talk to him. She said that she would call him down to guidance and ask him as soon as she could. She wasn't able to do so today, so I suppose she will tomorrow at some point. I do have a genuinely good reason to want to talk to him other than being madly in love. It's that the past year has been really hard on my psychologically. I've had to make entirely new friends and cope with the losses of the old ones. I also had to try to mend my "broken heart," as it were. I have had so many unhealthy and unsatisfying relationships (in person and online) because of it. I know that I cannot continue to live like this and that I need to resolve this situation before I can move onward and be in the right mind to enter into a truely intimate relationship when the time comes. One thing that worried me was whether he would go and tell people that I was gay and that I loved him, for he has done so before a few times. Finally and with the help of my friends, I decided that it wouldn't matter if he did. The people whom he has already told haven't bugged me nor have they treated me much differently, so although some people would, I know that they are a minority. I also know that the school administration would exercise disciplinary measures if need be. I become upset when he tells people, but I'm not sure why anymore. Well, that's not it; I'm just not sure whether those reasons are valid. I had been upset because I didn't tell them and because I wanted to wait until grade twelve or university. A conversation with a good friend of mine shed some light on the silliness of that thought. She sasked me why I thought that I would feel any differently about telling people then than I do now. I thought about this and she's right: I wouldn't feel any less scared or lost. I will speak to him either tomorrow or Friday. I am very nervous. I can't even express how distracted I am because of it. People in my classes have even noticed that I'm distracted. I'm not even sure what worries me at this point, since I stopped caring whether he tells people and, given that the counsellor is going to ask him whether he wants to talk to me before she schedules it, I would not be talking to someone who would not want to be there. I don't know ... In any case, you guys can post your thoughts and stuff if you want. I'll just close with an excerpt from a poem which I wrote around a month ago. It's a tad dark and depressing, but that's how I like my poetry, even when I'm in a good mood. O days when I could but admire The object of my heart's desire Come back! for I do need for passion Or if not, O days of yearning Go plague the minds of those deserving
Your worried he won't accept you. Im in a similar sticky......... but it's my best friend.... and she's 100 percent completly straight lmao..... anyway, Your hoping that he'll come to like you so your nervous. Everyone is around the person they love. I hope it turns out well !!!! P.S : Love the poem [coming from a dark person]
Yeah, you're right. I hate admiting it, but deep down I really want him to have been in the closet all of this time and I'm hoping that he'll come out if I talk to him. I know that it's 99.99% guaranteed not to happen, but I wish it anyhow. =/ Thanks for the well-wishes and the compliment. I also hope that it goes well ... we'll see.
My school's guidance office is terribly unorganised. They didn't call either of us down. Now school's over, so I have to deal with this again next year. Oh well.
Wait... so you were gonna have this guy called down that you're in love with but never talk to who you think is straight? That's pretty awkward as it is if you ask me. Like if I were called down to the guidance office by a guy just so he could tell me he was gay and loved me, I'd be a little weirded out that it was that serious and we had never really spoken. Plus why does he have to be called down to guidance? Couldnt you just tell him yourself some other time?
I probably should've been more clear. XD We were close friends for a number of years. A year ago, I told him that I loved him, then we stopped talking after around a month. I've tried talking to him a few times since then, but he won't go anywhere past small talk. My guidance counsellor was going to call him down to ask if he wanted to talk to me. She would've then called me down if he agreed.
That story is actually pretty similar to what happened to me this year. Except the guidance counselor part of it. I still like the guy, but me and pretty much everyone else are 98% sure that hes either gay or bi but he just wont friggin admit it. So even though i've sort of gotten over it i still like him and i still hope that one day he just tells oh by the way im gay. I did tell him that i liked him and that i was gay and he pretty much just accepted it and we still talk alot, although like i said i still have some hope that he'll tell me something one day. What can i say im hopeless when it comes to love and liking people. The best thing i can tell you is just try to have a serious talk with him and if you see that its not gonna happen then you just have to start moving on with your life. In life you are bound to lose friends so its really just something that everyone goes through at some point.
That is almost the exact same, yeah. He looks at me rather often and has never been in a serious relationship (and doesn't seem to want to be), so it really throws me off.
Well the guy i like has had about 6 girlfriends but they have all failed, which is one of the reasons we think he's gay. What throws me off about him is how obvious he makes it that hes atleast bi for sure but he just wont friggin admit it. I think hes just terrified that he might like something else so my fear is that hes going to end up being on of those gay guys thats like 45 and married to some lady and then he just ends up hating his life. But yea hes been in maybe one serious relationship with some girl but thats really about it. I was actually surprised that he accepted me so easily and ontop of that he was fine with me liking him, i think he might actually have been interested because he kept asking me why i liked him and what i liked about him. I honestly hope that something happens one day, but im not gonna be waiting on him forever so after a while im just going to give up and move on with my life. There are plenty of more guys out there i just have to find the one that i really like.
