So i just came out to my mom and it went horrible. Basically she thinks its a disease or some sort of disorder. I think that this has to be one of the worst days of my life, i never thought that her reaction would be so negative. Just to give you guys an idea of what happened, she said she would rather be dead than know that im gay. She also said that this brings some sort of huge shame to the family that can't be erased. Even though i told her that i was fine being the way i am, and that i was ok with it she said that it isn't something to be proud of. She aslo kept asking me how i could possibly know that i was gay since i had never had a relationship with a man. I just told her that it's something that you just know and it's not like i just woke up today and thought " oh let me tell my parents that im gay" to piss her off. So all my hopes about having a good coming out story are pretty much out the window. I had a friend of mine pick me up because i needed some time to relax and think, and i coulden't stay home much longer. Im trying to relax right now and not break down because if i think too much about it, im really going to freak out. I havent even told my dad yet and im afraid to tell him, she says that if i do he's going to die of shame.
It sounds like she is in autoreject mode but there is hope look to your local pflag chapter if there is one or pflag online what she needs is time to come around and hopefully embrace you for you http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
And the stages of grief begin. It looks like she has denial and anger covered. Give it time, and don't let her "if you tell your father he will die of shame" get to you or put you off. He's a different person than she is.
I'm not too sure how close you are with your parents, but don't worry about them too much. It's your life and you are what you are. Your mother should have really be more supporting and loved you for "who" you are and not for "what" you are.
I'm sorry. If your mom is willing, I'd be happy to talk to her. I would definitely download some PFLAG materials for her. Just try to remember that it took you awhile to accept yourself. Give your mom some time too and remember that the words coming from her mouth are all about fear. Hang in there!
Life will pass you by and the views that your parents have will change. i hope that they accept you and love you for being you.. but dont forget the friends that you have by your side that will help you out. dont forget to go for them if you want advie or help.. ooh and you have your friends from this website too
Ok so today she woke up in a better mood, she still thinks that she can "fix it" though. But i agreed to go to a psychologist so he can talk to me and "fix" it, but really im just going to get him to talk my mom into accepting it. Well im happy that she's in a better mood at least and apparently she got over the whole anger thing. I think now she's hitting the depression phase of it.
Yes, hopefully the phycologist will side with you. If he doesn't help you convince your mom, then I would suggest asking your mom to find another one(just tell her that you don't feel like you are changing). Hopefully though the phycologist will help you. But don't let anyone tell you that you can change, because you are who you are and you should be able to feel proud about being yourself. Good luck And even though it was a negative experience, congratulations for telling her.
Yep that's my plan. The first thing im going to tell him is that, im not getting any "treatment" and im not going to change for anybody. I like being the way i am and i am very proud to be the way i am. So im just going to tell him that what we need to do is talk to my parents about it, i have already made up my mind about it so that's not changing. Their the ones that need to work on it and accept me.
Please make very, very sure that YOU select (or contribute to selection of) the psychologist. There are Christian psychologists out there who are out in la-la land and believe (in spite of voluminous evidence to the contrary and official opposition by the APA) that it is possible to change someone's orientation. If you go to someone like that, you won't come out straight, but you may come out screwed up, because some of them are really good at convincing you to question yourself. However, the vast majority of therapists are clear that it's basically malpractice to tell someone they can change their orientation, so as long as she doesn't get a referral from a Christian source, you should be OK. If you need some help locating one, let me know I may be able to help.
Sorry to hear this, but i'm posting to say how much i admire how defiant you seem, where others would've just lost hope. I'm sure i would've felt completely lost if my mum reacted like that, especially if i didn't expect her to.
Well the Session witht the Psychologist actually went really well, she basically agreed with me that my parents were over reacting to the whole situation. She said that it was awesome that i figured out my sexuality at a young age, and the i had the strength to come out to my parents like i did. She also said that i should be proud of myself for telling my parents. She did mention the crazy Christian Psychologists and she said she wasn't one of them and that personally she didn't believe in the whole "theres a cure for it" theory. So she actually ended up being a really cool person and she was very friendly, all in all it was a great session. Aww thanks Harve i appreciate what you said about my defiance, trust me it wasn't easy to just shrug off those comments from my mom but i thought that it was probably just part of her process of grieving so i just moved past it and she's actually doing much better now. She's alot happier now and i think she's starting to accept it now too, so things are definetly looking better now.
Wow, fantastic news! Now just be evil, and parlay your parents desire for you to be straight into a year or more's worth of therapy to help you with whatever other issues you may have... paid for by your parents with the mistaken notion that it will actually make you straight... and in the meantime, you'll get a chance to learn a lot about yourself! Always make use of the silver lining
congrats to you. you are an inspiration my situation was similar but i dont think i was as strong and sure of myself as u are my mom is still not accepting of me, and hopes i will change and be straight again, not that i ever was. my dad passed away years ago, he may have helped her deal with it,who knows what happened to the concept of UNCONDITIONAL love by parents for their kids????
