Today, I came out to the only two girls in my summer group (now it’s only 8 people). I had been planning to come out to the group I’m with now, but I got several notions not to earlier in the week. The guys threw around the “that’s so gay” statements and “faggots” freely from the day we met, 3 weeks ago, which preoccupied me for a long time (I intended to come out to quell this; BIG mistake that never did happen). Monday night during English class, I had a chance to through our class blog. But my essay was too long and wouldn’t post (so no go). During all of this, I remained very reserved from the group. We usually do everything together; I’d just stick by myself because I was uncomfortable. Yesterday, one of the main ones who used those phrases pulled me aside to ask what was up. Unfortunately I didn’t tell him the true issue…rather he thought it was about our calculus class. I was going to follow up and send him an e-mail, but then my computer shut down unexpectedly while I was about to send it. That was another sign. Today, in English class, we wrote some statements about issues or things we believe. Mine was “I’m outraged that after a civil rights movement, parts of this country still find it necessary to deny certain groups rights.” My roommate’s was: “I don’t believe in gay marriage because God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Needless to say my heart sank. Then I knew I couldn’t tell anyone, much less him because I was afraid for my safety (I now know he’s extremely religious, in other aspects too). I took a nap (not knowing if I’d go to bed that night) and went to lunch, where the two girls were. As I sat down, they said they were talking about what my roommate said in English. I put my head down, and they said they completely disagree with him and were shocked he said it. I prefaced with saying that I’m now really scared. Then I told them I was gay. I said I didn’t tell everyone earlier because I didn’t want it to be a big deal (now that I look back, trying to come out how I wanted to was a terrible idea). We’re a small group and I didn’t want to put myself on the spot. They understood. But I wanted to let someone know my safety concern. They said that they don’t think my roommate would take action against me if he was to find out, but in the case that he does, to let them know immediately so they wouldn’t let anything happen to me. They also noticed the language the guys like to use, and did not like it one bit. So, at the very least, they know, which makes me feel much better. The thing about it is that there’s no other support on campus since it’s the summer. This makes me want to work in our LGBT center even more come the fall. I’m sure it will be much easier then. We said that the next time the guys throw around “that so gay” or “faggot,” we’d all call them out on it. I’m glad to have someone on my side here finally. I’m still preoccupied about my roommate and the other guys, but at least someone in the gruop is there to help me now through this.
Congratz on telling those girls and getting some people you know you can trust. Hopefully the other guys will cut out the jokes soon or at least die them down and your roommate will be fine with you if he finds out.
It's been a long time, but I have a new straight ally within this small group. I'm really happy about it too! Just three weeks ago, he was the one who was making really hurtful gay jokes. And yesterday, he was the one doing his best to stop them (when I didn't have the total courage to say something). I came out him last night and thanked him for defending me (without totally knowing it). He's cool with it, but I promised him that he wouldn't always have to put himself in the line of fire just to defend me. I'm just really happy to have someone else caring up here!
It's good to see that this person took a turn for the better and tried to stop the gay jokes. Just a perfect example that first impressions are hard to overcome, but not impossible.
