Update

Howdy, everyone -

When last we left off of my winding story of coming out I had just come out to my Bishop. That went amazingly well but sent my wife into a rage even after him telling her he would do everything he could to support her. For some reason she needed the bishop to be mad at me for making vows I couldn't keep.

On June 30 I came out to my two brothers. I had only intended to tell my youngest brother but my middle brother also showed up for dinner unexpectedly. I had made a trip up to Dallas to see them. I decided what the heck. I told them I needed to go to Best Buy for ear buds (which was true). On our way there I had them stop by Starbucks. I had my MacBook with me and was just going to have them read the first post in my anonymous blog I've started about coming out. Sadly, the battery was dead so I just had to say it. There was, of course, concern for my wife but they were utterly relieved and happy. They had been concerned for the last 6 months that I was suicidal.

I told my wife about my brothers which sent her into a downspin. I've now decided I'm going to come out to whomever I feel the need to and not tell her. I won't lie if she asks me directly but I'm not going to continue facing her rages as this unfolds.

That night I landed in the hospital for 3 days with extreme right lower quadrant abdominal pain and an insanely high white blood cell count. On antibiotics the white count came down and by then the pain had calmed down and as has been the case in 2000 and 2006 they couldn't see anything in CT scan. I got the hell out of there and resumed my vacation.

After that I came out to 3 close friends in Houston. Again, all went well although Chris came down on me pretty hard about the fact that my wife will be a single mother when all is said and done. Jennifer was concerned that the things I had to say on my 2nd anonymous blog post on same-sex marriage would get me labelled a radical in the church once people make the connection.

On July 4th I was in the middle of spending a few days with a good friend of mine. I am out to her already so there was no drama. Except on July 4th the pain came back. Same drama but a normal white count. At that point I threw in the towel. I flew my friend Jeremy to Austin to drive me home.

It was actually good for that ride together to happen. Jeremy works for me needed to drop the bomb on me that he was interviewing for a job at a ginormous church. I had been feeling the need to drop my bomb on him because we've done a fair amount of traveling together and once I'm out to the congregation, rumors will fly. My own wife is paranoid that we've been more than colleagues. So I came out to Jeremy. It was all good.

Since coming home I've had to go to the emergency room 3 times for intolerable pain. The next diagnostic procedure is scheduled for Monday and I'm having to lie low until then. On Friday, however, I did come out to the longest-tenured member of the parish and that was all good. He even cried when he began to understand what I had been through. I came out to one of my deacon's on Saturday because I need him to help me prepare the parish for this.

And then yesterday I came out to a person I had never met before. I was interviewing a candidate for our Organist/Choirmaster position. He is amazing and it will be a real coup to get him on board just as we finish our new pipe organ. I couldn't in good conscious bring him on staff without disclosing the drama that would be unfolding. When things are in turmoil it becomes risky for staff members and there is likely to be a little turmoil when I come out.

I've also reached a point that I am not afraid at all for the congregation to find out. I've done nothing wrong and I am the exact same rector who they say is so wonderful. If they want me to leave at that point, fine. I'll demand a 2-year severance package which is only fair after the toll this place has taken on my in the last 7 years.

So I guess I'm really really gay at that point. And I am pleased to find that that feels pretty damned good.