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I'm Such A Coward

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Lebowski45, Aug 25, 2010.

  1. Lebowski45

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    I don't know how I can tell more people about me. Last night I was out drinking for a bit with the mate I've already told (lets call him A) and a few others. I've already decided that I'm going to tell two others, let's say B and C, and A told me I should go for it. B was due to be coming to, and (because I'd been drinking no doubt) I decided that I would tell him. However, B pulled out and didn't come. I'd psyched myself up for telling him, and on one hand I was disappointed, but on the other hand I felt huge relief that I didn't need to do it. I felt kinda low at this point and while the rest were going some place else, I said I'd head home. At the station, I meet C, who's coming home from work by himself. It was a perfect opportunity. I told myself that, after the train journey (I didn't want to be overheard) I'd tell him on the short way to our homes. And I couldn't say it :icon_sad: My insides were screaming at me to just tell him and all I could do was make stupid, fucking small talk. I don't even remember what the hell we were even talking about. All I remember is me being totally shit scared of saying what I needed to say. I just went home and practically fell into bed, depressed as hell. I can't fucking stand this anymore :bang: I fucking hate my life
     
  2. VentinIntrovert

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    Ah it's alright man... If you can't do it now, there always next time. Don't beat yourself over it, it's always alot harder than it seems. I've found it easier in the past to just give them a hint that you're a homosexual. If they get curious enough then they would just ask. A simple shy yes, is alot easier than initiating a full complete statement.
     
  3. Davo

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    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't feel bad, I've had a hundred opportunities like this to tell people and done nothing. I've never been able to come out without being either forced to or by being backed into a corner. It's really stressful that way, I agree with Ventin, you should maybe make things a bit easier for you by hinting. Maybe they might pick up on it, and that could take some pressure off you. But I can completely relate to what you're going through, don't be so hard on yourself, every time you almost come out is preparing you for the real thing.

    Things like this take time, you need to be confident in yourself before you could make such a huge step. You do have A who you can talk to, he'll know your other friends and whether they'll be cool, take confidence in that. If he thinks you should go for it, it might be okay. I told one of my best friends after being egged on and it worked out fine. But there is no perfect moment or perfect atmosphere, a lot of suitable times will come up and one time you're just going to have to be courageous and go for it.
     
  4. csm123

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    Hi,dont beat yourself up,just bear in mind that at least you are noticing opportunities and they may come again.

    One particular friend that i found difficult to tell never seemed to give the chance to bring it up,so i asked if he could keep a secret,when he said yes i said i would tell him later.Curiosity got the better of him later on so i got him guessing,giving a few clues,once he asked it was alot easier to confirm with a"yes"than bringing the subject up in conversation.

    Just stay positive and remember it honestly does get easier after youve told a few and realise most people just dont care and probably already know but just need it confirmin.If you stay firm and positive and dont make it into a big deal whoever your telling normaly wont make a big deal out of it.The odd question such as how long have you known is completely normal,and in my opinion a positive responce while they are processing what theyve just learned or had confirmed,once they know you can answer their questions honestly(within reason)and that is nice!!!
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    Don't beat yourself up (*hug*). Since a year and a half that I have been on EC, I have read I don't know how many time stories about "near coming out experience". It's something that happens to most gay people and I think these experiences are usefull. Of course you didn't come out this time, but it was a bit like a practice in real conditions for next time. There is no reason to feel bad about it : you didn't do it this time, fine, you'll do it next time then. And that's perfectly OK.
    Take care (*hug*), Cécile
     
  6. Lebowski45

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    Thanks for all the comments :slight_smile: I feel better now, I just felt like venting my spleen. Its frustrating but I just gotta focus I guess. I know I'll do it next time, I know there's no point getting upset about it, the whole thing just gets to me sometimes. I don't know when the next opportunity will come up but I'm going to take it hopefully.

    The suggestions have been helpful. I came out to A because he brought up the subject although he didn't ask me directly, with others they'll never bring the subject up, thats what makes it harder, I've got to bring it up. So maybe going about it subtly will be beneficial. And I don't want to be too dramatic about it either, I'd rather it wasn't too much of a big deal. So I'll take a lot of that onboard.

    Thanks again. I don't know what I'd do without you guys :lol: