So, I've decided that I'm going to tell my immediate family before I tell anyone else. I've thought about this in my head all the time for the last few weeks, ever since I told three friends. There's been times in recent weeks that I've felt down about the fact I've even came out at all, and I've doubted in my head that I'm gay, and all that. But at other times I've felt liberated and almost excited about finally getting this huge obstacle out of the way for good. The thing that's really swung it for me is the way the people I've told have reacted to me. It's as if nothing's happened, it's been no big deal. And it makes me feel like it's no big deal either. The fact they've just fully accepted it has made me understand that its just a part of me and nothing more....... I've been tempted to tell other friends, but I think I'd be more comfortable if my family knew first, because I want them to hear it from me first, they are the most important people in my life and once I do tell them, I'll feel like I can tell anyone after that. But I'm scared as hell. I love my family to bits and get on with everyone but I'm just hoping they'll accept it without too much hassle. So I've made a "coming out" plan, one no doubt I'll fail to stick to Tomorrow, I might tell my brother. He's only a few years older than me and we're extremely close. He may be surprised but I think he'll accept it....but I can't be sure of the reaction. I'll tell him face to face, I know we'll be in the house ourselves tomorrow so its a perfect opportunity. I just don't know if I'll be able to do it. If I can, I'll tell my sister shortly afterwards. I need to tell them first and have some family support before I can face telling my parents I think. If all goes well, I'll bite the bullet and give my parents a letter (I'm too scared to tell them face to face ) within the next week or so. After that its just my oldest brother who doesn't live in the house anymore who I need to tell. Once that's done I know I can tell others and just be open about it. It scares me to death that I need to do this, and it makes me feel physically sick actually just thinking about doing it. But it just feels like my whole life is dominated by this at the moment, and I know I won't feel entirely comfortable until everyone who's important to me knows. So why wait? I start back at uni soon, so in a way I've set a deadline in my head to at least be out to family by that point, because I don't want my work to suffer as a result. Sorry, I just needed to vent my feelings on here. I'm petrified.
Hi, your doing great so far and i knew family would soon be following in your thoughts.No need to be petrified,you are out to three more so just remember it gets easier, even though parents are awkward, as long as you are confident in telling them and try to keep a calm atmosphere without any shouting it mostly goes a whole lot smoother. Your brother and sister could give you some thoughts about how well your parents will take it,remember we always think"worst case senario" because we have been over annalising the situation for years. Just relaxe and keep calm,even if one of your coming outs doesnt go as smoothly as planned,at least you now know that most people can accept you,in fact they just dont care. I think in the UK most parents are somewhere down the middle of the spectrum,whereas in the USA we read more of very accepting or not accepting at all parents.Most UK parents accept you but take a while coming to terms with it.Good luck.
ive been on this same thought pattern for awhile now. even though i have told my mum, i want to tell my siblings before i let the rest of my friends know that i am bi. meanwhile because of this i have put myself in a rut where at the moment i am unable to get the nerve to tell my siblings and because i want to tell them before everyone else i am therefore not telling my friends either. so if you are unable to tell your family, do not let that stop your from letting your friends know who you are. because this rut im in really does suck :l
Thanks for all the replies and best wishes. I can relate RedKnight, it is really difficult. I find it extremely difficult telling them face to face whereas I think I could probably tell other friends now without too much hesitation. I think its just important for me to tell them first incase they happen to hear it from others. And you're right csm123, I think in the end they will all come to terms with it, I just need to build up courage. Today, as I thought I would, I chickened out saying it. There was a few times when I felt like telling my brother but I just felt so scared, the words wouldn't come and it was just easier to keep things normal without any drama. I must not despair though, its a setback but there's always tomorrow. I'm actually toying with the idea of telling my sister first.....it just might be less awkward because she's a girl if that makes sense. I've also thought about telling them both at the same time. It would kill two birds with one stone and could be less awkward strangely.....is this a good idea? Perhaps I should say it individually but I'm not so sure..... God it's so frustrating. I'll get there though, I've got to
^certainly makes sense to me. in the same way that guys don't mind lesbians. of course, with the dyke conotations i have on me, it doesnt work for me. but i certainly feel much more comfortable with gay guys than straight ones. i think individual. it makes things more personal. if you do it to people at the same time, then it can make them feel like you're really talking to the other, and that they're just dead weight. also for the individual argument, doing one at a time means you're less screwed over if it goes badly (which i hope very much it doesnt)
The first people I decided to come out to was my parents....I figured if I had their acceptance and I wasn't financially cut off then I was fine, efff what any one else would think, they took it well for the most part, and so did all my friends. I think the parents are the most important part when coming out because that's the biggest fear, losing your parents, or at least in my case.
Thank you both for your your help. I have decided to stick with telling people individually, and I've switched my focus to telling my sister first for some reason, though I want to tell both of them on the same day or whatever. I too think that once my parents know, I'll be able to tell anyone so that's my motivation. I'm just really struggling. Just half an hour ago I was psyching myself up for saying it to my sister, but the words wouldn't come. But I felt like I could, and then my brother got up and came downstairs. I'm ashamed to admit that I felt huge relief that he did and saved myself from this. But I know that I must say it, and I'm angry with myself that I can't do it :bang: I just want all this out of the way so that I can move one. I've set myself a target of telling them by the end of the week. But I probably won't even be able to do it :icon_sad:
the best piece of advice that I can think of is don't lose confidence with yourself if you don't tell them when you plan to and stay positive. If you can't tell them now doesn't mean it wont happen in the future. So just keep trying and when it does happen you will be so relieved and happy
Hi again,i dont want to sound to pushy,but you would feel a whole lot better if you could only find the courage to get this over with. You seem to have got to that stage where this will keep playing on your mind until its done.This is your worst bit to get out of the way,but at least once your family know it wont matter who finds out as everyone that matters will be there to support you. I know i was where you are now,but having a rather homophobic dad made it even worse.Believe me,since i came out my father and i are closer than we have been in years,and his comments have changed drammaticaly,before it would have been"the xxxxing queers from the pub" but now its more like"the couple that own the pub".Its so much better not having to worry who you tell in case it gets back home and your family hear it from someone else. Good luck.
Thank you both. Even though I keep missing opportunities, I am trying to stay positive. I keep telling myself that I'll do it next time. I am getting closer and closer, I just need to find the extra courage to just do it. I know I will though. You're right csm123, this is playing on my mind all the time and I won't be at peace until it's done. I keep telling myself this to spur me on but I just feel so damn nervous. But the nerves aren't going to go away until I get it over with.......I'm just going to have to bite the bullet at some point. I can do it, I must do it. Hopefully the next time I post in this thread I've done it and I can move onto thinking about parents
