My first come-out was when i was 12. It was the bloody hardest thing ever, I came out as bisexual as opposed to gay, and I wasn't even capable of saying the word. But still, it was one person down and it helped. The girl in question is still my best friend and she's someone I am very graateful for. I grew up in a conservatitive christian village, with christian parents, who'd taught me homophobia. I remember for the first time, when I was seven, knowing there was something wrong with me. The internalised homophobia lasted until about a few months ago, when i finally realised I was gay, and stopped unconciusly fabricating responses to guys. Over the summer I came out to a bunch of people who I will mostly never meet again, although I have kept contact with quite a few. Then my best friends outed me to one of her friends right in front of me, and for about a minute I was furious. It was my decision about when I was going to come out, and I hadn't planned to come out to someone I barely knew. But then I calmed down. The girl wasn't homophobic. She may even have already known, after commenting on how the rainbow wristbands i had on kept slipping into the wrong order. And I had just told my best friend I was going to come out as soon as I got back to school. And so I ended up greatful to her for doing something I should have done myself. All summer, I had been promising myself I would come out to my 'best friend in spain' - not my best friend, but my best friend in the same country as me. Her name is Stella. I had oportunities to talk to her on MSN all summer, but I promised myself I was waiting until I met her in person, so that I didn't look weak or vunerable. But the time came, and I couldn't speak. I was just terrified of her treating me like you're average lesbian, who's a faggot as soon as I leave the room. So I went back to MSN, and promised myself I would really do it. And of course, she wasn't on. The next day, she did come on, and finally, I erased the very last of my internalised homophobia. This is the convo we had: And she was totally ok with it. And a load of crap has happened since I told her, and I just can't stop feeling happy. It was a bit roundabout, the way I said it. But i know next time, when I go into school with my special lesbian t-shirt, that I will just be able to say "Yes, since you ask, I'm Gay". Since school starts on Wednesday, I should be freaking out about it, but the fact that I'm not is a very good sign. A note to those thiking of coming out: Coming out had been the most important thing in my life, and apart from the fact that I don't have to lie anyone, It seems to have given me the biggest self esteem boost I've had in years. I'm waiting till my parents have payed my university fees before I tell them. Its not a matter of fear, just knowing how they'll react, and it will certainly involve withdrawal of financial support. I know I will meet a lot of homophobia at school, but I've always liked it when people I hate are scared of me. This is no different. What matters to me is that I have a friend who I know will support me no matter what, and I think most of my other friends will not reject me either. So, wish me luck for Wednesday, and anyone who wants to ask help with coming out, go ahead. I think I've had a fair load of experience with it that I haven't written down above, so I might be able to help.:eusa_ange:eusa_ange:eusa_ange
