How I ended up coming out and getting a boyfriend...

Everyday passes in the same routine, never faltering, never wavering in its normality. But as I lay my head upon my pillow and spread myself over my bed, my face crumpled in the dimness of my room and my mind reeled back on the day and the days that surpass that…

He was always there, sitting in front of me in class or beside me, joking with me or talking to me. So close I could place my tan hand against his white sculpted face, tousle his dirty blonde hair, drown in his warm hazelnut gaze, or even place the curvatures of my lips against his own.
But yet, he was so distant and faraway, I could never tell him or anyone for that matter what I really felt so I put on my mask and played along.
It was torture in middle school when I was struck with the realization of being gay, but the secret screamed and writhed inside me, begging to be put out when I came to high school. Temptation lurked at every corner, and the pressure dragged its nails through my heart so that I cried quietly at nights when only the moon and stars watched over me. The friendship I forged with him, my friends, my family, was so very fragile. Fragile as a single thread and I dare not try to test its strength. My eyes became lies and my words transformed into lines of a script as my life moved on and my heart stood still.
But the only thing that kept me so wary, so quiet yet so desperate was fear. I had no one to tell, no one to help me, no one but myself to confide in. I couldn’t tell anyone, I wove lies that protected me and I feared retaliation from family, friends and even life. Even though I expected my heart to break from strain, it never did, and that was the greatest pain of all. Everyone’s smiles and laughs were needles in my heart as they laughed at my ‘lines’ and looked into my ‘lies’. Everyday when I look in the mirror, my eyes seemed to open all my secrets in it. It was only a wonder why no one seemed to question them or really see what lay beneath the layers of false joy.
A fight consumed me, I wanted to tell them all, to shout from the highest mountains, ‘’I’m gay! I’m me!’’ and release the chains that bound me and throw away the masks that shielded me. But the other side could not, it looked upon how my family spoke of the ‘dirty homosexuals’ and ‘filthy gays’. It pointed out the faggot jokes and the gay ‘weaklings’. So close, I nearly came out when he hugged me so tightly against his chest, so that his scent surrounded me and his warmth engulfed my senses. But he was only happy because of the football game, punched me lightly in the shoulder and rushed off laughing and celebrating. Was it only me who felt the amount of passion in that one simple hug?
Insanity gripped me and I struggled with myself, it was like fighting a large monster with only a toothpick and bare hands.


I wanted to tell him and everyone.

I couldn’t tell him and everyone.

No, not at all, as my mind spun to a slow dizzying stop and the last voices of my head faded away into whispers.

I wouldn’t tell him and everyone.

My own fear, my own self struggle only led to me so I could tell my secret but yet I wouldn’t.
Panic consumed me that day, and I nearly forced myself to say it to him. His lips were so close those few minutes. He didn’t back away, but a look of surprise was across his face the whole time. I didn’t tell him, I began so, but my cowardice kicked me in the gut and I fumbled a fake smile, a wink and a goodbye as I left him to go back home. His lips were truly that close so that I could trace the shape with my pinky and the truth had almost been revealed…

My head lay in the pillows as I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling above me, hours had passed and the room was dark. I didn’t know where I got my inspiration, but I wouldn’t suffer so much anymore. The person I trusted more than anyone should know.

Arm extended, I reached out and grabbed my phone and slowly dialed the number in the dark. Pressing the receiver at my ear and the mouthpiece at my mouth, I waited.

“Hey Ashley, please don’t judge me too much, but I have a secret to tell you.”

“Yeah? Go ahead spill, I’m all ears…”

“Well…”

I had to begin somewhere, and like a flower, I would begin to bloom.



This is how 1)I came out to my first person, my darling funny peppy Ashley
and 2) I got a boyfriend because he turned out to be gay and liked me too. We are both closet cases but we'll learn how to come out to everyone eventually. Compared to others I'm lucky, and I hope your coming out stories are just as happy as well.:icon_wink

 

Aww that was so awesome

 

Thank you! I thought people might be discouraged to read it with the BIG.WALL.OF.TEXT

 

wow this is so good and im so happy for you and him (*hug*)

 

;o; Thank you for the compliments.

 

Gay Romance Novels...now THAT'S an idea. Puwahaha.

Yup! I was unbelievably ecstatic when he came out to me too.
I'm so lucky.I don't know what I did to deserve such an accepting environment (so far)

 

-gush gush gush-
Thank you all!!

 

I do wish to become an author!
But I wonder which publishing firm would publish it under favorable light.

 

When no one could listen to me, I did the next best thing. Wrote it on the computer and spilled out my life to something, anything, that would remember.

Its the greatest, most momentous feeling in my life to be with him. I feel like I can fly.