So, I had this best friend right? Well, I wasn't out to him because he is a Christian and had expressed a great dislike for gay people. However, one day, my friend slipped a hint to him after I came out to her. She said 'oh has Smile (not going to use real name) said anything big to you lately?' You would think I would be angry, no? Well I decided that it would be a waste of time being angry at someone who had just accepted me with open arms so i looked on the bright side. This meant that I had to tell him about me being gay and I would no longer have to hide it. She has given me the push I needed. So, I tried to talk to him about it. It went something like this: Friend: "So what is this big news thing? You can tell me" Me: "It's hard to talk about" Friend: "Do you have feelings for <friend>?" Me: "No...I don't do girlfriends" Friend: "But you're not gay, we have been through this!" Which we had, I had sort of given the impression that I wasn't gay when we talked about homosexuality a few weeks prior. I apologised for that. He logged off. However, over the next week is when it went sour. We continued to talk about it, much to my dislike cause I really didn't see the problem, yet I continued to push through it and hope to make him understand. There were a few comments that got under my skin such as "Why would you choose to live a lustful lifestyle?" and such. Over time, he just did not get it and that is when I realised. I don't need people like him in my life. If he is taking months to get his head around me being gay then I don't need him in my life. My belief was reinforced when he had a massive freak out over one of my friends kissing a girl (she is bisexual) So, I made this thread to remind everyone, mainly those that don't yet know, that you are going to come across those people that just don't get it and don't accept you. Try for a little to get them to understand but some people just won't and it is their loss. Don't waste your time. Oh and I wanted to share my one coming out story that didn't go 'Oh I don't care' or 'Yay I have a gay friend!' (as awesome as they are, they are not terribly entertaining or interesting)
As sorry as I am for the way that things worked out between you are your friend, I think it's great the you managed to realise this. As hard as it is sometimes to let go of friendships, when a friend can't accept you for who you are then they aren't worth it.
well, thats great. not that he's a hater, but that your cool with it. but, i think you should explain about not having a choice. not saying you should do anything to prove yourself to him. but i've seen a couple of people go from homophobe to political activist with a simple story. it doesnt mean you have to like him, even if he does. i just think we have a duty to open up people's eyes. This is totally not my place to say this, but i would begin the conversation like this: "I just want you to know that i don't hate you. I understand you can't accept my sexuality because of who you are, and although i in no way symathise, i respect that. you deserve free speech as much as i do. but there is something i would like you to know about homosexuality. It is not a choice. It is a biological difference between you and me, and although i do have a choice on whether to act on it or not, i don't see it the way you do. i don't see the problem in love, whatever gender it's between" Then just walk off and don't have anything else to do with him i get it. i shouldnt give advice on things like that. but people dont deserve to be ignorant
Well, its good your not harboring any pissed off emotions toward your friend. As for the bible going one, well, if he is going be a hater over something as trival as your sexual orientation then he ain't worth your time.
I've had a couple of "those people" myself. I didn't think they were that shallow minded when I came out to them, but after I came out to them "they" were the one's that decided we were no longer going to be friends. To be honest, I don't miss either one of those jerks. On the other hand, the other 20+ friends that I either told, or that my sister took the unauthorised liberty of telling them for me, had no problem at all, and I'm still friends with them.
I was once a very homophobic Christian (I'm still a Christian) in intense denial that I wasn't gay. When I first met someone who was gay I was very judgemental (although not too his face, just behind his back) but I had to pretend to be friendly with this guy because all my other friends (non-Christians) liked him so openly I was very friendly. It wasn't long until my pretending became reality and the guy legitimately became one of my close friends. After spending time with this person it was harder and harder to find reasons to be judgemental. After that I wasn't homophobic anymore. Your friend may come round, he may not. Well done for being confident in yourself.
I was sort of thinking this when I posted this thread. This could potentially work, sadly, things are considerably more complicated than what I posted. Been a very strange past few months. The event which I posted actually occured in January this year. No no no, don't worry, that was amazing advice and I thank you! Indeed, I don't think I want to give up on helping him understand but as I wrote just above, things are really complicated with him. You never know what he is thinking or how he will react or anything. He could potentially be in denial as well... It is all very confusing...
