I told my family everything!

Argh! :tantrum: I'll start off with that because I spent a long time writing an epic post about this experience, only to accidentally press backspace and lose it all. Maybe its for the best, I got so wrapped up in writing it down that I was close to tears, perhaps saying this a second time will be easier for me.

To summarise, I first came out to my best friends about 4 years ago, since then I've found a wonderful boyfriend who, after a year of long-distance, I am now living with. I never thought in a million years I could ever tell my family, we don't speak, and rarely ever acknowledge gay people, I had no idea how they would react. I adore my boyfriend, and I know he adores me, and without his love and support I would never have the courage to even consider coming out. I've known I was gay since I was 12, and its been a difficult journey getting to this point, but its now finally happened.

I told my sister a couple of months ago, which was difficult but was a good way of testing a reaction. She was very supportive even if we didn't really talk about it too much, she didn't treat it as a big deal. But as I am now living with my boyfriend, and planning to spend Christmas with him instead of my immediate family, I knew I had to tell my parents, and this being my only holiday before then, it had to be this weekend.

I travelled down at the end of last week to spend a few days with my family, but by Saturday I still hadn't said anything. My parents were staying overnight at a friends, so this was my only opportunity to tell them as I had to head back up the road Sunday. You always wait and wait, the words 'I am gay' on the tip of your tongue, hoping for the right time. Well Saturday, with my brother, sister and dad downstairs watching TV, and my mum and I upstairs while she was about to get ready to go out, it seemed like the right time. I asked her to speak to her, so took her into my room and told her 'there's something you should know, I'm gay.' I don't remember exactly what she said, but I know her first reaction, which was a smile, it immediately put me at ease. She smiled, she said she was happy for me, and even inquired if the friend she had briefly met was my boyfriend, which was true. Having met him for about 5 seconds seemed to help, because she noted how nice and friendly he had seemed. In no time at all, I had revealed we were now living together (I had no plan to tell her all this, but it just came out naturally through the conversation.) She was so happy for me, and gave me a hug, and that was that. Over 10 years of worrying about 'The Conversation' and it was over within a few minutes.

She offered to tell my dad while they were away overnight. When they returned on Sunday, she said she had told him and he was fine. He never mentioned it to me, but we chatted away as normal, which I'm so happy about. My twin brother had forgotten that I came out to him on Hogmanay, again he seemed startled by the news, but my sister and I chatted away and joked to him about it, after a few hours, we were chatting as normal. I still hadn't told my big brother, he was coming for dinner that night, by which time I would be gone, so instead of telling him over the phone (I came out over the phone before and it was a hellish experience), I asked my mum to tell him for me.

My mum and I had a good chat about it the next day, she was asking about my boyfriend, how long we were together, what he was like etc. As I was leaving, she asked how long I knew I was gay, and noted that it must have been difficult for me. I strangely liked that she noticed that, for ages that pain I went through was as big a secret as being gay, but I wasn't going to tell her about it, its not fair to burden her with that. What's past is past for me, I've survived all that and best not dwelling, all I said was 'I'm much happier now than I was then.' She said she hoped I wasn't scared to talk to her, and I lied and said 'I wasn't, just waiting for the right time.' I worry she's regretful that she didn't help me, or because she didn't know this side to me. But we're talking now, hopefully now we can be a lot more honest with each other.

When I got home by big brother texted me, saying 'I heard your news and I'm really happy for you.' I was absolutely elated when I read that. All these years, all this worrying, and now they all know and they've accepted me. I feel so lucky to have such a loving family. This may have been a bit of a long post, but I wanted to document how I'm feeling and share it with you. When I joined, empty closets was the only place I could express this hidden side of me, to communicate with other gay people, to find advice about coming out. I could not have gotten to this stage without my friends or my boyfriend's support, but especially without EC, which helped me come to terms with who I was, made me proud to be me. After over a decade of worrying about coming out, I couldn't have asked for a better result, I am so thrilled!

 

Thanks so much for the messages, its strange starting this new chapter of my life without the deception, but it feels amazing to have my family's love and support. All the best to you all, I just wish all coming out experiences were as great as mine was.