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Here is my Story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by GeorgeNorth, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. GeorgeNorth

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I recently came out to my Mom. I kind of threw it on her after returning home from University for the weekend. I had chosen to do this after really coming to accept it for myself in the weeks prior. I had always known that I had an attraction to men, but I guess I just had repressed it. I remember once a friend (who I am no longer in contact with), once told me that if I was gay he could not be my friend. In the moment it probably affected me more than I had perceived it to at the time, as I was at the time struggling with my homosexual desires versus the heterosexual norms that high school seemed to expect of people. I mean my school was not bad in terms of bullying, but if I was perceived as gay, I probably would have been silently ostracized, or outcast from the perceived norm. So instead I became kind of a loner throughout high school, I never attended parties, or drank, out of fear that some how I might out myself.

    So in the past couple of weeks before I told my Mom I finally came to terms with it myself. I realized that I was more attracted to guys than I was women. I mean I had always secretly checked out other guys, sometimes even in a vain attempt to deceive my own desires I would compensate by checking out women, and say to myself that I was straight. In the last year or so though I have come to realize this more since I started to look at more gay porn, which I had previously been reluctant to look at out of fear.

    Anyway, I told my Mom because I feel that I am closest to her and felt that she would be the most accepting. She was initially a little bit shocked, I mean she always new I was different, but she always saw me as straight. She asked questions like, "how do you know when you have never even kissed a girl?". All in all though, she was very accepting of it. This now leaves me in a hard place though, because none of my friends know, but I am at the point where I just want to get on with my life. I want to pursue relationships with other guys, but I feel like I am still trapped in this anti-social shell. I want to get out to meet other guys, but I just don't know where to go from here. I'm in my 3rd year of University and I need to have a life.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    Hi, George.

    Welcome to EC, and thanks for posting your well-written and touching story.

    Telling the first person is usually the hardest, and for the first few people, each time you do, it's making yourself vulnerable and waiting to be judged, so it can be hard. But it gets easier with each person you tell.

    I'd start by telling the person you feel safest with, whether it's a girl or a guy. Then that person can become your "confidant" and you can share stories and feelings, and perhaps he or she can help you find someone to meet and spend time with.

    Likely your college has an LGBT center, and this would also be a great place to meet new people. It may take some courage to go there the first time, but again, it will become much easier once you take the first step.

    Stick around, read some of the stories here, and you'll see that lots of others have been in your shoes. And someday you'll be able to post and help others in the same way.

    Please feel free to contact me or any of the rest of the EC staff if you have any questions or wish to discuss things further.
     
  3. matty123

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    by accepting yourself and telling your mum you've taken the 2 biggest steps, and i think that chips's advice covers all the bases, good luck, people come out a lot later than 19,and you will figure this out, i think once you become more comfortable with who you are then your confidence will grow
     
  4. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

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    Hi George and welcome to EC :slight_smile:
    Thank you for having shared your journey so far with us. I am sure many members of EC will relate to your feelings.
    Congratulations for coming out to your mother, that's a huge step done already. And I am happy for you that she is loving and supportive.
    You have already done the hardest part of the path, coming out to yourself and to someone for the first time. The more you'll keep coming out, the more comfortable you'll be with yourself.
    As Chip mentionned, joining an LGBT association could be really helpful and may help you to feel more confident and comfortable with yourself. Check if your college has some kind of LGBT association or GSA.
    You can also stick around EC, it's a very friendly place and I am sure you're going to find support here.
    By the way, I am Cécile, one of the advisors on EC. You're welcome to PM me or any other advisors of the staff if you want to talk or have any questions.
    Make yourself at home and see you around.
    Take care, Cécile