Kay.. So I'm gonna start from the beginning. I have always been a little bit feminine. You could say that almost every single person I met in high-school figured I was gay at first glance. I honestly didn't figure I was at all. I never had any feelings for any guy ever. in the last few years, I have developed STRONG (borderline obsessive) feelings for my best friend. It is confusing to me. As I said, I've never experienced this before in my life. Not to mention, there's really nothing that special about him (no offense to him and not to sound shallow) mediocre looks, personality's the complete opposite of what I'd ever look for in somebody so I really don't get it. And of course he's straight and has a girlfriend who I am trying desperately not to hate right now. It's pretty much consumed me this year. I'm know that I'll never be with him. I'm trying very hard to get my mind off him and try and focus on more important things in my life but I swear it's next to impossible. We hang out all the time and he is my best friend and I really don't want to lose him. I can't talk to him about it because it will defiantly only make matters worse. But I REALLY need to find a way to stop thinking about him all the time. Any thoughts???
Separation. Separate yourself from him and focus on other things. Idk if you're out, but if you are, see if there is any LGBT centers around where you live and try going there and meeting people. You could meet someone you like who actually likes you back. If you're not out, then still focus on other things and whever you think about him remind yourself that he's straight and won't ever like you in that way.
I don't think you should ignore him, it might make matter's worse. Just give it time and eventually you'll lose the lust. I've found myself attracted to many of my friends in the past, usually over a period of time I find them less interesting haha...
A few questions floats to mind, as you are still trying to figure it out: 1. How long have you been friends? If it's been a long time then why now? 2. Have you ever had crushes before? If so, what gender were they? As for the advice I would give you...respect your friend. He is straight and has a girlfriend. The best in this case is to stay as friends. Until you figure out what you are and when the time is right, then spill the beans. But that doesn't mean you would ever possibly have a kind of relationship with him beyond friendship...
We've been friends for a few years now. We've been close friends for a little over a year. Why now? I've asked myself the same question over and over. I don't know why. At some point I just started thinking about him ALL THE TIME. And he's the type of person who would do anything in the world for me and as nice as that is to have around it's not helping my situation at all. And I have had crushes before, nothing like this though. And they were always girls. I've never had this with a guy before.
I must say I've had many crushes on friends. And I must say it sucks. I don't suggest separation. I lost a good friend because of that. One I told him and he accepted it and was the one that helped me lose the crush on him. But most of them I just stayed quiet about and just told myself that I couldn't have them. And after some time (Anywhere between 3 months and about a year) the crush would dissolve. I hope this helps you out. (*hug*)
a couple of things you need to know: 1. he is straight, idc what illusions of grandeur you may ever see(trust me ive had em) that he may also be gay but realistically, and statistically, the chances of him also being gay are slim. you HAVE to realize this, it helps. 2. dont separatw yourself from him, but make sure you relationship is the same as it has always been, even if you come out to him, dont let your sexuality be a pick that drives you apart. stay the same. 3. like other people said, if you can, find an lgbt group. this may or may not be easy for you literally and emotionally depending on your circumstances, but surround yourself with potential crushes. 4. remember, even though you are different, you still have raging hormones. realize that you may have romantic feelings for him today, but in a month you may feel completely different. dont do anything to jeopardize your relationship based off of a teenage crush.
ok people need to step back, this guy apparently HAS NEVER HAD A MAN CRUSH BEFORE its going to be hard for him to head to an LGBT anything if he hasn't even been able to come to terms with what his sexuality is. My advice is take some time and look to see if you find any other sort of guys attractive. For example I have a couple friends who identify as bi on some level because they find androgynous guys attractive (i was the first person they told ) and it was because they had never taken the time to think about it before they had become my friend. So right now you should do some reflecting and try to figure this stuff out. There is really no way to move on this friend thing you are facing without first being able to come to terms with ur own sexuality and you also need to recognize that this is not something you can pursue as the boy is 1) straight 2) in a relationship 3) Under the impression u are straight 4) your friend try to remove your focus from this crush and instead turn in and take some time to figure out stuff for yourself.
Well, hello Mystery, and welcome to EC. Reading your posts, I think there are two points of advice to offer. First, you might be suddenly wondering about your orientation, if all your crushes so far have been on girls, and now you have one on a guy, especially since you said his looks and his personality aren't what you would normally look for. Don't worry about finding a label for yourself unless you want to have one. What matters is that you are comfortable with your feelings. You like who you like, and that's that. Be aware of how you feel, keep thinking about it, but don't rush. Second, take it easy on yourself over this crush. I've been in a similar situation, with a crush on a straight guy, and its tough. Sometimes I say to myself "why am I so stupid, crushing on a straight man?" Don't do that, it's not fair on you: you can't help who you like. So accept your feelings at face value, and focus on how to handle them. You seem to have decided not to tell the guy how you feel. You know your situation best, and my guess is that's the best policy for now. But you should find someone to talk to about it (maybe a different friend, a school/college councilor, or people here at EC). Talking helps. As for getting over the crush... time. Time will solve it in the end. In the meantime, don't cut him off (he's your best friend, after all), but try to spend more time with other people, and to not have too much just-you-and-him time; hang out with him as part of a group of your friends. And keep your rational half in control of the emotional half. Remind yourself that he's straight and in a relationship. Doing that won't make you feel any better right now, but realism will make it pass faster. Once again, welcome to EC!
I was in the same position as you precisely two years ago, and the whole thing seems similar in a few ways. I had had a girlfriend before; I'd always knew I was somewhat gay, but for a while had felt predominantly straight. Then found I had a very strong crush on one of my best friends. Equally, he was clearly straight, had a girlfriend. It was then I decided to come out, and eventually got over him, as I focused on trying to find a relationship that would work. I told people slowly, more slowly than I would have liked, but that's often as it is. I'll be honest, the crush won't necessarily disappear overnight. That was November, it was May before I'd got over him. I saw him every college day, and there were only three people who knew I fancied him. But the back of my mind focus on coming out was both a distraction and in the end worthwhile. For what it's worth, I'm now six months with my boyfriend, someone I'd known for four years, so these things slowly work out
Um...I think if he's been pining for his friend for over a year it's beyond lust, lust can be satisfied at any given time, but Love is something that is not a quick fix. I think he has fell in love with his best friend....I'm kind of in a similar situation where Im attracted to my "straight" friend but not really sure if he's really straight AND because we've connected on an emotional level I'm absolutely starting to fall for him. Since you already have a foundation with your guy I thin you should just tell him about what your feeling. If your afraid of hsi reaction just tell him it's someone you recently met not that long ago or something and you can gauge his reaction from there and if he decided not to talk to you anymore after you tell him then he wasnt your best friend in the first place.
