I finally did it. (!) We were sitting around watching the flyers game at my bro's house the other night and decided to tell them in between periods. I had written a letter about 2 months ago. The original plan was to drop the letters off at peoples houses and let them find out that way. That didn't happen because I decided that telling them in person was the way I needed to do it. So I told them first and then gave them the letter to read because it was easier to get out what I needed to without interruption. Here's a copy of the letter if you care to read....... <Family Members names> You guys are the most important people in the world to me and I am writing you this letter because there is something I need to share with you. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do and please don’t be upset because I didn’t do this in person. It’s a lot easier for me to get out in a letter what I need to say and what I think you need to hear from me. I’m gay. I’ve always known it. You guys probably have suspected it, or at least I like to tell myself that seeing as how I’ve never really had a girlfriend or brought a girl home, among other things. There I finally said it. It’s something that I needed to say for a long time now and has taken me a long time to get to the point where I’m comfortable enough to say it. I’ve only ever told two people before you guys. Back when I was in the navy my two best friends and roommates <P> and <J> were the only people that ever knew. The coming out to them story is for another day but it’s kind of funny I think and look forward to sharing it. Thinking back to them is what is giving me enough strength to do this today. I couldn’t have asked for better friends. I wasn’t what you would consider as being “out” back then but they knew, it didn’t bother them, and they supported me no matter what. It was the most comfortable with myself I have ever been. It’s what I need to get back to. Stressful situations are my thing. It’s what I’ve always thrived on. From driving a huge boat in the navy to the fast pace of an emergency room the best of me has always shown. I’ve finally met my match and am very glad that I did. The fear of coming out is the most stressful thing I’ve ever had to deal with and nothing good has ever come out of it until now. I avoided every social situation and pretty much isolated myself as much as possible so I wouldn’t be “outed” by someone or something. The fear of not being accepted is the worst feeling in the world but I’m finally at the point where I realized that the only person who needs to accept me is me. It’s time for me to move on and live life the way I want to live it. You need to know that there is nothing that made me gay. I can’t tell you why or how. Being gay is just a part of me that has always been there. It’s important for me to let you guys know that I’m still the same old Josh you knew before reading this letter. I still like the same foods I liked yesterday. I still listen to the same music I listened to yesterday. I still can’t wait for it to snow so I can hit the slopes for snowboarding season. I’m still the same person you have known there’s just a side of me I haven’t let you see until now. Going forward now may be difficult for you guys then again it might not. It’s going to be an adjustment period for everyone. A wave of mixed feelings and emotions might creep up on you or just come out and slap you in the face. You’ll have to “come out” as well. By that I mean there’s going to be a time where you have to say to someone you have a gay son/brother. It’s not going to be easy. Take your time and wait until you are comfortable with it. I sure did. We live in a society that isn’t perfect. There is always going to be a closed minded person that doesn’t agree with my lifestyle. I encourage you to talk to someone if you’re having trouble dealing with this. Talk to me, talk you your significant other, talk to your brother/sister, or talk to one of your friends. Search the internet it has tons of resources. Pflag.org is an amazing site. It’s specifically for parents, family, and friends of gays and lesbians. Take it from me; this is not something you want to keep bottled up inside. Talk to someone. I just needed to let you guys know. It is the right time for me to do this. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and there’s a good chance I’m the happiest person in the world right now. I’m looking forward to finally being able to let you guys in on a side of me you didn’t know before and moving on. I’m open for any questions you guys have and please don’t think twice about asking me. I love you guys with all my heart and nothing can ever change that. Love always your son/brother, Josh Anyways it went great. My bro got all teary eyed and told me he loves me no matter what and there is nothing I could do to ever change that. And my sister in-law laughed and said no wonder all the girls she tried to hook me up with never worked out. I pretty much sabotaged each date she set me up with on purpose. I plan on coming out to the rest of my family in the very near future. I feel so relieved right now.
That is really great! It is great that they are both so accepting. It must feel really good to have told them
Just a quick update. I told both of my sisters (step sisters actually but I've known them for so long I consider them blood). I had to do it by phone. They are both away at college and I was afraid of them hearing it through the grapevine and not from me personally. Both of my sisters are younger than me. The older of the the two was really excited and happy that I finally told her. I guess she suspected it all along, though she said she had some vibes but I don't fit "the stereotype" so she really wasn't sure. She said she wished she could have been there for me when I was struggling and loved me more than I could even imagine and if I ever needed someone to talk to she would be there. She also asked me if I could now go help her pick out some jewelry for her winter formal. We both laughed for what seemed like ages because we both know I'm not the fashion kind of person. The younger of the two was a really awkward conversation. Pretty much a one sided conversation with me explaining everything. It seem like the longest pause in the history of mankind after I was done talking. So I just ended up saying "All right I'll see you in two weeks when your home. Love you. Call me if you have any questions." And hung up. She pretty much didn't say a word from the time she answered the phone until I hung up. I was kind of shocked seeing as how she has more gay friends than anyone I know. I felt like crap after that call. She ended up calling me a 3 in the morning which isn't unusual since I work night shift and I'm used to getting calls from my siblings at weird hours. She said she was sorry for making it an awkward conversation and that she was just speechless. She told me that she had no idea and that I should try to get into the film industry since I'm such a good actor. Then she said something to me that made me break out in tears. She said "Josh honestly who in this world has the right to judge you for being gay. It's not what defines you. It's the good thing you do for people constantly. For Christ's sake you do great things for people you don't even know personally. Not to mention the fact that you can just brighten someones day just by smiling and acknowledging them." I was blown away I just broke down. It's really not like her to say things like that. I haven't cried in god knows how long. Since my grand mother died probably about 12 years ago. Now onto the issue I have now. My sister in-law (V) was asking me some questions and we got onto the topic about when/how I was going to come out to my Mom. To be honest I'm not all that close to my Mom and we've had a rocky relationship in the past. Long story short, a few weeks ago my Mom and V were talking about a girl that my Mom wanted to set me up with. I went out with the girl once for drinks just to put on my "Hey pretending to be straight here show." Mom my asked V why she thought it didn't work out. V didn't really have any sort of answer for my Mom and said "Well maybe hes gay and we don't know it." V told me that my Mom flipped a lid got really offended. She said that she has never seen my Mom act that way about anything. I kind of wish she hadn't told me that story since I was planning on coming out to my Mom sometime this week when I saw her. I guess my question is how do I approach my Mom now. Up until I heard that story from V, I assumed that my Mom would be pretty understanding and wouldn't be too shocked. Now I'm having second thoughts about telling her at all. Thanks in advance for the advice.
You sound like you have an amazing family so no matter what happens with your Mom, you have great people around you supporting you. I'm sure after the initial shock she will come round when she speaks to the rest of your family and realises how fine they are.
Brothers in general are hard. Luckily mine is very open-minded and in a long-term relationship with a bisexual girl so I knew he'd take it fairly well. He was the fourth person I ever told.
Very proud of you. I bet it feels good to finally be done with a good chunk of it. Best of luck telling your Mom.
It does feel amazing. Words can't even begin to describe it. 2 more brothers, Mom, Dad, and Step-Mom left to go. Plus work which will be easy. Everyone I work with is pretty understanding. On the business end of the issue, it won't be a problem because the hospital I work at is too worried about their image in the community. Any backlash to me for coming out would be to crushing to their "look." Yup. I'm not worried too much about my other 2 brothers. I have a feeling that they won't care at all. I was just worried about my twin. I felt like a had to tell him first because he happens to be my best friend as well. I would have been devastated if I would have gotten a negative reaction from him. I'm having dinner with my Mom tonight so depending on how the day goes I might tell her. We'll see. I'll keep you guys updated.
Congrats on the coming out so far! That story about your mom really sucks though. Hmm, on the one hand it's good to know she might flip out, on the other hand, it would make me not even bother telling her. Like Flare said, you have the support of the other family members which will probably bring your mom around. Maybe her reaction was what she thought she was supposed to say and not really her real feeling. Good luck! Any update yet?
Dear Remk - I am pretty new to this site and have posted very little on it. I am a 59 year old single man who has come out to some people in the last few years. I have no siblings and my parents are all gone, so I don't have to come out to them, although I think they had me figured out. I was pretty much afraid of my father. Reading letters such as yours are very moving to me and make me scratch my head and wonder how my life would have been different had I been more open when I was your age. WHile my relationship with my dad was thorny, looking back on him I think he really would have been supportive of me. I could conjecture on ad nauseum on this, but it is fascinating for me to read stories such as yours, who are so much younger than me and have coped with the matter the way you have. May God bless you and I send you my best wishes.:smilewave
Hey there, It's great to hear that you got such a positive response from your sibs. I don't know if this is good advice, but try not to stress about your Mom and telling her. There may come a time in the future that you will feel is right, tell her then. Up till then, stay close to the family that knows and can support you.
Great story, you're really lucky to have such a wonderful family, and it sounds like they are really lucky to have you. The more stories like yours I hear, the more encouraged I feel. Thanks for sharing .
All I have to say is =) Smile!! On another note about your Mom, I think it would be normal of her to freak her out if someone went and told her "Your son may be gay"... You won't know what her reaction would be if you tell her, and since you have come so far, you may as well go with the decision and tell her. PS: If at the hospital were you work at, they fire you, I would personally go and kick whoever is in charge in the balls-.- (Hopefully he's male. Idk what to do to a girlxD)
good story, i'm glad it went well your letter is just beautifully simple and true. i just wanna translate it and tell them every thing you said ! you even made me cry, i just wish i could simply tell them all this i'm sure they'll as great but right now i'm in Italy, parents & bro in France, sister in the US... not easy anyway, you have a great family and i'm happy for you !
